


All or Nothing / Pots and Pans

by just_a_sidekick



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Aromantic, Asexuality, Blow Jobs, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Couch Cuddles, Everyone is a good bro, F/F, F/M, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Hair-pulling, Homosexuality, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It's that all or nothing prompt from tumblr, Light Dom/sub, M/M, MJ is a Good Bro, Manhandling, Marijuana, Morning After, Morning Cuddles, Morning Sex, Multi, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Other, Past Rape/Non-con, Peter Parker & Shuri Friendship, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Switch, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Safe Sane and Consensual, Science Bros, Science Bros 2.0, Sleepy Cuddles, Social Anxiety, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Superfamily, Thor is a Switch, Topping from the Bottom, Unhealthy Relationships, also night sex, also pots and pans prompt from tumblr, but not abusive, but this isn't gonna be majorly kinky, it's supposed to be a cute story, just a teeeensy bit of dom/sub type stuff, just mentioned, not graphic, pansexuality, peter is not innocent or whatever but he is still pure and a goddamn cinnamon roll, so sex is not the priority but it is a part of it cause sex can be cute, thor and peter are gonna fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-07-21 01:03:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 47,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16149284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_a_sidekick/pseuds/just_a_sidekick
Summary: Marvel characters in a college AU: Peter's roommate Shuri is ace and aro, but a social butterfly, while he is essentially the opposite: pan, and painfully awkward. They really are an all or nothing bunch. Gratuitous puns will be included, inspired by a prompt I've seen many times on tumblr. This is the story of his journey through junior year with severe social anxiety, new friends and old friends, and new experiences. Kinda has a bit of a Dear-Evan-Hansen vibe for the first twelve chapters, but instead of Connor and the Connor Project, Peter has a new relationship that gives him a little more confidence than he has had in a while, and this is problematic in a few ways. But, Thor is amazing and Peter feels better then ever. How will this play out in the rest of his daily life? (I will update this summary as I write more)





	1. All Or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware of the tags :) I will mention if there is going to be smut and where, and nothing else should be explicitly triggering, but just be careful.

“Shuri, do we have to go? There will be other parties.”

“Peter, for the love of engineering, please shut the fuck up. We’re going. End of discussion. You’ll have a great time!” Shuri has a gleam in her eye as she applies her lipstick. She holds it out to him in offering when she’s done. Peter shakes his head and she put the tube away. That may have been fun once, just the two of them, but for a night out, there was no chance.

“I’m biochem, not engineering. And I won’t if you’re trying to set me up the whole night!”

“And who said anything about setting someone up? Not me, that’s for sure.” Shuri faked nonchalance and leaned in closer to the mirror to do her mascara. “It’s our junior year, Peter. We have all these acquaintances that we could be such better friends with.”

Peter sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Shuri chuckled; she always told him he looked like an old man trapped in a twink’s body when he did that. The two didn’t speak for a moment, both focused on the new task at hand: hair.

Shuri was going with half-up-half-down and her signature twisted buns. Peter was attempting to go with anything that didn’t look like bedhead, but he was having no luck. Shuri took pity on him and managed to style it into something that looked relatively good, in Peter’s opinion. He doesn’t style it often, though, so he supposes the comparison between this and his normal bedhead can’t hurt.

Shuri’s face softens momentarily, and Peter looks away. She drags his chin back so he’s looking at her, and he feels like a deer in headlights. That feeling has always been far too common for him, but sometimes with Shuri, or his other friends MJ and Ned, it lessens a little.

“Peter, if you really hate the idea, we don’t have to go. We can stay in, watch Netflix, do homework, debate about our majors, anything you want,” Shuri says with a soft smile. She means it, too. That’s what kills Peter; he knows she wants to go out, and she is willing to drop her plans to stay in with him. He can do the same for her, right?

“Just don’t leave me, okay?” He tries to smile genuinely. Shuri looks skeptical, but she takes it.

“Of course, Peter. I’m by your side the whole night.”

~

And Shuri stayed true to her word, sticking by his side the whole night. Granted, that meant that he was dragged into a lot more conversations than he would have liked to participate in, but Shuri wasn’t torturing him. He simply payed attention to what others were saying and she kindly redirected conversation if it seemed like he was panicking too much. It was an okay system.

They had arrived around ten and it was nearing midnight when Peter started to feel exhausted, which happened to be the same time that Shuri felt like taking shots. They had each taken a drink when they came in and sipped while they socialized (well, while Shuri socialized and Peter observed), but now Shuri was eyeing the liquor table with longing. It was pitiful and almost made Peter want to laugh. As it was, he did smirk at her until she relented.

“I won’t drink more if you want to leave. I swear it’s no big deal.” She did her best not to look disappointed. And Peter knew that Shuri would never hold it against him, but it wasn’t wrong of her to be disappointed. Why should his shyness and social anxiety stop her from having a good time? At least, that’s what Peter believed. Shuri had reprimanded him before, saying, “ _That may be partially true. But that’s why you aren’t the only one I go out with. If I go with you, then being a good friend to you is my priority. And yes, Peter, you are always a good friend to me, even if you don’t want to do all the things I want to do.”_

Now, however, he could tell that she was just wanting to take care of him. And while that was sweet, he didn’t want to be someone who had to be taken care of all of the time. And with that thought came the revelation that he kind of wanted to be drunk, too. Maybe then she wouldn’t need to be so attentive to him; if he could just let loose a little, maybe he could be the one taking care tonight.

He smiles for real this time, his resolve strengthening.

“Let’s do some shots.” Shuri beams.

~

After two shots of Fireball, one tequila shot, and two vodka shots, Shuri was not quite wasted, but definitely close. Peter had always thought that you weren’t supposed to mix liquors, but apparently it was fine as long as you don’t drink too much in the first place, according to Shuri. Thus, he had taken one tequila shot, and two vodka shots of different flavors. He wasn’t a fan of the taste, but he had to admit, the warm feeling in his stomach and the relaxation that was spreading through him was nice. He still didn’t necessarily feel inclined to be social, but all the voices around him didn’t make his heart rate spike quite as much. He’s sitting next to Shuri on a long couch that bends at a right angle, just listening to music, when it occurs to him that this is Ned’s apartment building! Maybe Ned and MJ would be at this party. He’s about to mention this to Shuri but finds her locked in a heated conversation.

“I’m just saying that synapses can be reprogrammed to function as a unit, if you employ the chemical initiation of a consecutive chain reaction…” Shuri is only minimally slurring her words, and Peter is impressed. Then he notices her debate partner is Tony, their neighbor. He can’t believe he didn’t notice him sooner. Tony is one of the few people Peter doesn’t feel nervous around. He’s like, almost a friend. While Bucky, Tony’s roommate, tries not to be intimidating, Peter can’t help but be a little nervous around him still. Bucky is sitting down the couch from Tony, leaning backwards into their friend Steve’s chest with his feet propped on Tony’s lap. Tony has barely heard what Shuri had to say before he tries to slur out a response, and he is clearly farther along than she is.

“That can’t be true! Polymorsic strucures are the _only_ way it could wooork, you can’t colletively attathch _so_ _many_ _neurons_.”

“Tony, bud, I think you’re a little too drunk for this debate,” Steve interjects, not unkindly.

“I’m neber too drunk t’be the smartes’ one here,” Tony says, raising his glass and tilting it back only to find it empty. He looks as if he found a kicked puppy inside. Bucky raises up momentarily to trade him cups.

“Here, take mine, I’ve had enough,” Bucky says with a wink towards Shuri. Peter guesses that Bucky didn’t actually have alcohol in that cup, it was probably soda or water. Tony doesn’t seem to register the difference. On that note, it seems that Tony and Shuri’s conversation is over for now. Bucky gets the rest of them another round of shots and then returns to his position resting on Steve. Tony is not quite out, but placidly sipping at his now non-alcoholic drink. Shuri twists herself and Peter into a new position on the couch, mimicking that of Steve and Bucky. Peter accepts this easily enough, and lets her settle into his chest, his legs bracketing hers. Bucky’s attention seems to be drawn to him now, which does make him nervous, but he’s feeling more confident than usual thanks to the alcohol.

“So, Peter, I don’t see you much around our building. Do you have more of a social life than you let on?” He’s smirking, but Peter can tell there’s no malice in what he says. He’s just trying to be social. He’s just trying to be social, _Peter, come on_ , he thinks to himself. _Be social back_.

Somehow finding his voice, Peter speaks for the first time in nearly an hour.

“Well, usually I’m at home. If not, I’m actually in this building. Ned and MJ live here, on the sixth floor. But usually I’m at home. I don’t get out a whole lot. Ned and MJ sometimes go to our apartment too, I don’t always come here to see them…” Bucky seems to evaluate him as he trails off, increasingly panicked about his rambling. The alcohol may blur the panic a bit, but it’s still there. Then Bucky shocks the hell out of him with what he says next.

“Peter, you don’t have to be nervous around me. I know that doesn’t necessarily change it now in the moment, but I swear I’m not judging you or anything. I have PTSD, and for a while it was really hard to talk to anyone about my accident. I know it’s not the same, but when it’s hard for you to talk to me or anyone else, just remember that you don’t have to be ready right then. You can take your time.” Peter's eyes bug at the long confession, openly staring at Bucky’s face for far longer than is appropriate. Bucky almost never talks for so long without stopping or picking on someone. All in good fun, but still.

“Oh my God, I think you broke him, Buck,” Steve says with a chuckle.

“Pete’s always nervous around me,” Bucky says, smiling at Peter as he talks. “I hope one day he won’t be. He seems to have gotten used to Tony well enough, so I hope soon he can get used to me, too.”

Peter manages to get a few words out in response to that. “In my defense, Tony didn’t exactly give me a choice. Cornering me so many times in the elevator may have desensitized me a bit. You were always more…”

“Respectful of your boundaries?” Bucky says with a chuckle.

“That’s one way to put it,” Peter said. He didn’t regret that Tony pushed him. It had been pretty awful at first, but if Tony hadn’t pushed, they wouldn’t be kind-of friends now and Peter would have never figured out he was pansexual. Not that he and Tony had done anything, but Tony had explained the concept to him. He probably could have found it on the internet but had never thought to look. Tony helped him with that. He was glad Tony had pushed his boundaries. But Tony, while he could talk a mile a minute and acted narcistic enough to make anyone roll their eyes, was actually a whole lot less threatening than Bucky anyway. Tony had a self-deprecating streak a mile wide but managed to be incredibly thoughtful to literally everyone he cared about. He had made Peter this special bracelet that emitted a silent, low-level vibration at a frequency of his resting heart rate whenever it sensed his pulse was elevated. It helped him re-center and focus on the moment to bring his heart rate down again. He _made_ it, just for the heck of it, and gave it to Peter after knowing him for two months and hearing him talk for what was probably a cumulative minute. Though it always felt inadequate, Peter tried to be thoughtful in return, and always hoped Tony would see that others don’t think all those negative things that he does. None of this was to say that Bucky wasn’t thoughtful, Peter just hadn’t seen it yet apart from Bucky’s tendency to just let him be when he seemed anxious at the prospect of social interaction.

Peter had zoned out thinking about Tony, so he hadn’t noticed Steve saying his name over and over.

“Peter? Peter. You with us, bud?” He has a kind of concerned-mother look on his face. Bucky just looks amused. Shuri is reaching her neck to turn and look at him.

“I’m good. Just got lost in thought.” Peter tried to look nonchalant. He was pretty sure it didn’t work, but he was caring even less after the last shot. He was only slightly anxious right now, which was an accomplishment.

“I was asking if you wanted to come with us to Bucky and Tony’s after this. A few more of our friends will be there, and you could invite your friends, Ned and MJ? If you’d like to. Don’t feel pressured though.”

He looked at Shuri to silently inquire about her role in all this. She was still shockingly coherent, even after that last round of shots.

“I’d like to go, but I’m also down to head home. I’ll probably have a pretty bad hangover in the morning if I go to bed right now, though.”

“I’ll go, sure,” Peter said to the group. Bucky whooped, Steve smiled and reiterated that he could invite his friends. Shuri got up to go get her jacket and say her goodbyes, which would take a few minutes at least, so Peter took that moment to call Ned. He and MJ had mentioned something about a marching band party tonight, but it was pretty late, so he hoped they would be done by now. Peter had liked marching band in high school, but Decathlon was enough for him in college. Ned picked up on the third ring.

“Hey, Peter!” Ned greeted, ever enthusiastic, even at almost one in the morning.

“Hey, Ned. What are you guys doing?”

“We just got back from the band party. Peter are you drunk?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Peter, you and Shuri might live together this year, but I’ve been your best friend since kindergarten. I know what your voice sounds like sober.”

Peter laughed at that. “I’ve had some shots.”

“What the hell, man? Why weren’t MJ and I there for it?”

“Shuri spring this on me this afternoon. But we’re going back to Bucky and Tony’s apartment after this, and you guys are invited.”

“Whoa like scary Bucky, your neighbor?”

“He’s not so scary when I’m drunk,” Peter said without thinking, which caused Bucky to look at him incredulously. He continued to observe from his place on Steve’s chest. Maybe Peter was drunker than he thought.

“I guess that’s good. And you said you like Tony, he’ll be there? Are they with you at wherever Shuri took you?”

“Yeah, they’re here, but Tony drank a lot and is kind of sleeping? And Bucky’s… friend, Steve is here too. They said that a few of their other friends will be there, too.” Steve was smirking at him over Bucky’s shoulder, now.

“Wow, Peter. That’s a lot of people, dude. You sure you’re up for it? I could make you an excuse to come over and play video games, if you wanted.”

“That’s nice, but no, I want to go,” he said, lowering his voice even though he knew they could still here him. But he was a little more than tipsy, so he didn’t really care. “I don’t feel all that anxious, for the first time in forever. I should use it while I can.”

“Whatever you say, Peter. MJ and I can meet you there in half an hour or so?”

“Well the party I’m at is actually in your building.”

“Oh! Shoot, okay well we will meet you in the lobby in ten minutes, then. Sound good?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Ned. You’re a good friend. Really, I appreciate you. You are always doing nice things for me.” Peter felt it important to mention that to Ned. He didn’t say he appreciated his best friend enough. Especially after Ned and MJ moved in together after sophomore year. They had of course said he could stay, but he didn’t want to be a third wheel and Shuri had the extra room after her brother had graduated. But Peter still appreciated Ned a lot and it felt very important to tell him _right now_.

Ned just chuckled and happily responded with an “Okay, see you soon, dude. You’re great too!”

Peter said goodbye and hung up and was met with the stares of his small couch-party.

“You think I’m scary?” Bucky asked, with a frankly shit-eating grin on his face. He shouldn’t be so satisfied with this, Peter thinks.

“I’m not sleep’n’,” Tony slurred from where he was slumped in the corner.

“Yeah, you are, Tones,” Steve said playfully.

“But you really think I’m scary, Pete? Can I ask why?” It seemed that Bucky wasn’t going to let this go. At least he didn’t seem upset about it. But Peter’s nerves were starting to come back.

“Let’s talk about it on the way out, I just got a text from Ned that they will be waiting downstairs in a minute,” Shuri interjected. Steve agreed, saying that Nat and Clint were on their way.

Their group headed out, with Shuri taking the lead, Peter falling into the middle with Bucky, and Steve supporting Tony in the rear. Shuri walked out into the hall and toward the elevator, but Bucky hesitated and announced that he was taking the stairs. Shuri just shrugged and got on the elevator, followed by Steve and Tony who had walked around Peter where he had stopped and hesitated after Bucky.

“Pete, take the stairs with me,” Bucky said.

“Uh, um, yeah, o-okay.” Great. He was stuttering now. _Do your job, alcohol_ , he thinks spitefully.

“Come on, nothing to be afraid of,” Bucky stated with a wink. Peter began walking with him, and after one flight (with eleven to go), Bucky began to talk.

“You don’t have to respond. But I’m gonna talk if that’s okay.” Peter nodded and made an ‘mhmm’ sound. “When Steve and I were young, he was super scrawny. He had tons of health problems and was always in and out of doctor’s offices and sometimes the hospital. This was all before some experimental steroid helped his asthma and fixed a few other things, and he was finally able to work out and get stronger. Now, of course, he’s practically a tank with the shoulder-to-waist ratio of a Dorito, but as a kid he was scrawny. But still the punk that he is now, always picking fights with anyone doing the least little thing unfair or discriminatory, or just plain rude. So, as we were growing up, I ended up picking him up off the ground quite a few times, pummeled into the pavement. Soon enough I started beating the bullies to it, and I’d take care of them before they could hurt Steve. I built a reputation from the time I was probably nine or ten until we graduated and came to college. I made myself stoic, intimidating, and tough, because I wanted jerks to think twice before they messed with Stevie. And eventually, they did. But I want you to know, I’m not that scary… unless you’re trying to pick on Steve. I’m really just a normal guy, who happens to like weed a little more than the average person.”

Bucky was really throwing him tonight; it was like he heard ten words tonight from the man for every singular word he’s said since they moved in across the hall from each other. Peter didn’t feel so anxious at the moment, but for once, he thought it might not be the alcohol. He remembered Bucky mentioning his own PTSD earlier. He wanted to ask but didn’t know how to do so tactfully. Bucky apparently could tell what he was thinking, because he took care of it on his own, stopping and tapping Peter’s elbow to stop him too. They were almost at the bottom of the stairs, but Bucky looks him in the eye and says one more thing.

“My PTSD was diagnosed after I fell from an old elevated train in New York. The track was messed up, and somehow the side of the car got ripped up after a construction accident at an adjacent building wrecked our train. Steve and I were sitting there one moment, and then hanging on and dangling from our chairs out the side of the train the next. The trauma was enough, but then came the depression, especially before I got the new prosthetic from Tony. I know you aren’t very outgoing or talkative, but Tony really likes you. He comes up with ideas like your bracelet, and my arm. And he thinks you’re cool. And I really like Tony. So, in my book, that mean’s you are pretty cool, punk.” Bucky’s lips turn up in a smile at the end.  Peter doesn’t respond verbally, but he smiles back, and that seems to be enough for Bucky. With a quick glance and a clear telegraph of his intentions, which Peter appreciates immensely, Bucky tosses an arm around his shoulder and they walk the rest of the way down. Their friends have been waiting, but it was worth it. Peter made a new friend, tonight. His friend thinks he is cool. And Peter didn’t have to say a word.


	2. Pots and Pans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter's first experience with weed, and a little romancing from Thor. (Peter/Thor is not my endgame, but I love his crush so much, so I wrote it anyway). Tell me what you think!

It turns out that going back to Bucky and Tony’s apartment to hang out really meant going to their apartment to smoke. And everyone seemed to be aware of this except for Peter. Even Ned had said that it seemed like the obvious plan, and he thought Peter had known.

Peter declined politely for now every time a joint was offered to him, and the others respected his wishes. Here now were the five from the first party and a few more guests. Peter had no idea that Bucky had so much weed. Tony had “rested” on the bus ride over, and now with renewed energy and vigor was enthusiastically watching some movie on Netflix with Steve and making colorful commentary on it, and Steve was just chuckling occasionally and sharing a small joint with Tony. Bucky and Shuri were passing a bowl between them, and Peter couldn’t believe that Shuri was getting so high. He had never seen her smoke or do any drug before, yet apparently, she was a pro. Even Bucky was impressed, and he was a phenomenon on his own. MJ, Ned, and Peter were occupying some carpet space with pillows thrown down from the couch, and Ned and MJ were also sharing a small joint. Three of Steve, Bucky, and Tony’s friends were also here, sitting on said couch and passing multiple joints between them. Nat and Clint were more than a little intimidating, but Peter quickly observed that Clint was more of a goofball than anything, and Nat was mainly intimidating in regard to Clint, and Tony a little bit. To the others, she was just soft-spoken with, like, the _potential_ for intimidation. Watching the two of them sign made Peter want to learn. Maybe talking would be easier on his hands. Clint talked with a mix of spoken word and sign, but he definitely read lips if someone wasn’t signing to him. The pair were like a well-oiled machine. Thor, however, was a force to be reckoned with.

Larger than life with hair and voice to match, Peter hadn’t been so enamored with somebody in, wow, maybe ever? He couldn’t remember a crush this strong. He had crushed pretty hard on Liz in high school and dating Harry during senior year had been fun for a while, but both had fallen out or faded. He knew that Thor lived upstairs in this building, but Peter had avoided him like the plague, knowing that Thor tended to be loud and very, very sociable. Peter hadn’t met his roommate, but Shuri’s stories were enough that he was glad he hadn’t yet. Thor had smiled sweetly and waved when he was introduced to Peter, Ned, and MJ a while ago, but had otherwise stuck to his group. Peter could stare at him for hours, it felt like. Unfortunately, after a few minutes, his friends noticed.

“Dude. Do you want us to like, be wingmen?” Ned asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Peter tried, but was betrayed by his blush. MJ just smirked at that.

“Come on, man, you’ve been staring for ten minutes. Let us help you talk to the guy!” Ned begged.

“No, he probably doesn’t even remember I’m here, Ned. Just leave it be,” Peter implored.

“Are you blind?” MJ asked him with a straight face.

“Blind to what, Mich, what is there to see?” Peter asked, rolling his eyes.

“Every time he thinks you aren’t looking, he looks. He’s gotten away with it with you, but he isn’t even paying enough attention to realized I’ve been watching him too.”

Bucky apparently chooses that moment to lean over and join in on this conversation, Shuri jumping up and assuming her usual spot right at Peter’s side.

“Whoa, little punk, what’s this I hear about talking to a guy? Do you like Thor?” Bucky asked, eyes a little dazed and excited.

“Peter, you should talk to him, man. He is pretty hunky.” Shuri was staring off into space and twirling her fingers in front of her face as she spoke.

“And how would you know, Miss ‘my-sexuality-is-engineering’?” Peter quipped. The effects of the alcohol may be wearing off, but Shuri’s presence along with MJ and Ned, as well as the general atmosphere was really helping him out.

“I may not like to do anything with it, but even I can tell that man has a hot bod.”

“Wait, Shuri are you gay?” Bucky blurted. Then, looking horribly scandalized, he hurriedly rambles, “I’m so sorry, you don’t have to answer that, I get kind of blunt when I’m high and don’t always think things through… ha, kind of ‘blunt’ that’s a good one, but really, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t put you on the spot like that.”

Shuri laughs good-naturedly. Social butterfly that she is, she’s used to conversations going in every possible direction.

“Actually, Barnes, I’m asexual and aromantic. But I appreciate that you care about being tactful, even if it comes after the fact.” Her smile is kind, and a little phased out from the weed, but kind nonetheless.

“Peter, Ned, MJ, I hope you guys know that everyone is welcome here, no matter what. You guys are chill, little punks.” Bucky looks so blissed out, and Peter wonders why he feels so hesitant about smoking. He knows he is in a safe environment, and he trusts Bucky, so why not? He wants that kind of relaxation. _God, I hope I’m not developing some sort of substance issue to relieve my anxiety_ , Peter thinks. He smiles at Bucky to show that he was listening, while Ned and MJ both say thanks and mention that they appreciate the invite. Then, Peter tries to muster up the courage to ask for a joint, which Bucky just lit. He put away the bowl as he took the first few puffs from the joint.

“Hey, um, Bucky, I was um…”

“What’s up, Pete?”

“I, uh, kinda want to try. If that’s okay.” Peter was blushing again, he just knew it.

“Hell, yeah! Don’t feel pressured though, are you sure?” Bucky is clearly high but putting in a great effort to be sober enough to reassure Peter.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Peter says with resolve. Suddenly he’s surrounded; Shuri, MJ, Ned, and Bucky have all crowded around and it’s almost too close but kind of nice. Bucky hands him a joint. Peter is extremely wary but committed to trying.

“Okay, so you want to practice the inhale without getting a ton of it in your lungs at first. You’ll probably still cough, but just try and keep the smoke to your mouth at first. Then as you get more used to it, start to truly inhale.”

Peter sucked a small mouthful of musky, hot smoke into his mouth. To be honest, it tasted pretty bad, but wasn’t the worst thing in the world. But then the smoke itched like steel wool on his throat and Peter promptly had a coughing fit.

“No worries, punk, just keep trying. You probably won’t be inhaling a lot soon and doing this isn’t gonna get you too high.”

Peter tried again, with similar results. But his resolved strengthened, and he knew that by the end of this night, he was going to be high.

~

At some point, the couch group and Tony and Steve had joined the others on the ground and pushed the coffee table out of the way. Everyone was splayed in a large circle with all the cushions strewn about. Peter was feeling slightly floaty, almost like he had when he was drinking, though that had worn off for the most part. There was a different sort of weight, though. Being drunk was like floating in water but being high was like floating in air. There was no tiredness like there was with alcohol. It did feel like his senses were dialed to 11, but not in the horrible overwhelming way of a panic attack or anxiety attack. More like, he now had the capacity to sense things at a higher level, rather than an overload. Peter was currently fixated on hair. _Everyone had so many hairs!_ He had never paid much attention before, but it was frankly ridiculous how many hairs were on a person’s head. Shuri’s were all braided away and even had _more hair added_. Bucky’s hair was messy and dangled nicely around his face, and Steve watched it a lot. Peter was always observant, maybe not as much as MJ but he noticed little things about people; but now, being high, Peter felt like he was watching things in slow motion and high definition. Steve’s eyes tracked Bucky’s bangs almost all the time, unless Bucky laughed, then Steve’s eyes jumped to Bucky’s. Ned’s hair was dark and didn’t reflect much light, and MJ had little wispy curls behind her ears.

Thor had the best hair, though. It was shiny like gold and looked softer than silk. Thor had taken it out of the bun at the back of his head and it now hung down to his shoulder blades, in waves that Peter followed with his eyes and tried to separate the individual strands out of. If spiders spun golden webs, they’d be made of Thor’s hair.

Every so often, Thor will catch his eye and smile softly at him, causing Peter to blush and look away in the hopes that Thor won’t notice. But this time, Thor catches his eye, chuckles, and then _gets up oh god he’s getting up Peter run leave the situation omgomgomgomgomg-_

“Hi, Peter,” Thor’s eyes crinkle beautifully when he smiles so large like this.

“Hi…”

“You’ve been staring rather dreamily for a while. I wanted to check that you were okay. You’re not smoking any more tonight, right?” Thor’s smile was still blinding, but it had softened to a concerned look. Peter couldn’t take his focus away from the hair, though. Up close it was so much more enticing. Peter’s brain was going a thousand miles a minute and also was completely still. _Everything is so weird when you’re high._

Thor chuckles, and Peter has a moment of panic realizing that he said that out loud. Thor just puts his arm around Peter’s shoulder, though, which effectively silences every possible other thought that Peter could have. “That, it is, Peter. I think perhaps you should eat something. Come with me,” Peter is helpless to refuse as this god of a man helps him to his feet. He can still feel the heavy impression of Thor’s massive arm on this shoulder, and now his hand feels like a continuous electric current at the small of his back. Thor is amazing. He should have let Ned be his wingman earlier.

Thor laughs, and it’s booming but not scary. Peter hardly registers what he could be laughing at until Thor says, “Oh, Peter, you don’t need a wingman. Maybe sometime when you aren’t so under the influence, I could take you on a date.”

“A date?!”

Thor chuckles again. Peter loves when he does that. Thor laughs more.

“Thank you, Peter. I enjoy seeing your smile as well, though I haven’t seen it much. But yes, a date. I’ll ask again in the future, but do you think you’d be interested in that?”

 _Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes_ and then Peter realizes Thor can’t here him and he actually didn’t speak aloud that time. That explains why it was so easy to say yes. Suddenly, as has happened a few times tonight, Peter becomes ultra-aware of all the lights, movement, and noise around him. He can feel the way his clothes move on his skin and his feet on the floor, he can see Thor reaching around in cabinets and the way his muscles ripple even when he’s just lifting his arm up. As his senses calm down, he feels a surge of confidence.

“God, _yes_ , Thor, I would love that.”

That brings about another laugh and Peter smiles, proud of himself. Thor’s laugh doesn’t ever seem malicious or as if to make fun of him. Rather, Thor is amused and happy and Peter is glad to be the source, even if he typically has major issues with the idea of being laughed at.

“Oh, Peter, you are a special man. I am so glad to be spending more time with you. I’ve noticed how beautiful you are, but you seemed so hesitant before that I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with too much interaction. I hope when you are sober again that you retain this confidence, at least around me.” Thor suddenly is frustrated as he closes the last cabinet. He seems to have gathered the ingredients for grilled cheese, but Peter can’t see why he’s upset, unless Peter’s done something-

“Barnes! Stark! Where are your cooking utensils?” Thor calls out to the living room. Peter lets out a breath he had been holding, relieved to know the source of Thor’s abrupt frustration.

“What do you need, Thor?” Tony calls back.

Thor takes Peter’s hand (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee) and leads them back to the living room. They don’t go all the way in, Thor just pokes his upper half around the corner. Peter watches from behind Thor’s elbow, having dropped his hand.

“I’m trying to make a grilled cheese sandwich for Peter. I need a pan, or even a pot, just something flat. There is, quite literally, nothing in most of your cabinets.” A few people snicker at that and Steve just laughs loudly. Peter is simply confused, as are Ned and MJ, who haven’t spent any time here, either.

“I’m the only pan we need in this apartment-” Tony says, Bucky on his heels.

“-and I have more than enough pot for everyone,” Bucky finishes, trying to hold back his own laughter. Tony has given up and is leaned back into Steve, cracking up.

“Are they serious, you think?” Thor asks, turning to Peter.

“They are. When they moved in, they vowed not to get any pots or pans just so they could make that joke. It’s been two years since they’ve moved in here and they have yet to get anything other than baking dishes, cookie sheets, plates and bowls. It’s infuriating,” Nat explains, giving the two chuckleheads a kind of fond-but-murderous kind-of-glare.

“If you want grilled cheese, bake it on a cookie sheet,” Bucky suggests. Peter can’t help but laughing along with the group a little bit. It is a hilarious joke. Thor rolls his eyes and takes Peter’s hand again (eeeee!!!!!!) and they head back to the kitchen. Thor figures it out and soon enough, Peter has a grilled cheese sandwich in front of him.

“Eat,” Thor says, taking a bite of his own sandwich. Peter does and tries not to stare too blatantly.

“You don’t talk much, Peter. Is it because you feel exceptionally nervous, or is it just normal?” Peter thinks pretty hard at that. It’s simultaneously difficult to organize his thoughts and incredibly easy to run through every thought he wants to consider. He responds in a quiet voice.

“I am nervous. But I’m always nervous. In fact, with alcohol and weed, I feel less nervous than usual. But I’m nervous all the time and don’t talk much because of it, so it’s also normal. I’m just a quiet person. Except on Halloween.” Peter doesn’t know why he adds that last part and he would love to just hide his face in his arms, but Thor looks intrigued and Peter knows he’s gonna ask-

“Do you enjoy wearing costumes? Sometimes that can help with the reduction of social anxiety, perhaps if your face is covered.” Peter has to admit, that wasn’t how he expected it to come out, but Thor got right to the point, at least. That made it plenty easy for Peter to just nod. Halloween was his absolute favorite holiday, mainly because he actually enjoyed all the things he felt like he was supposed to enjoy on Halloween. He was more confident, his funny thoughts and commentary actually came out and were appreciated, and he was actually sarcastic and entertaining to more than just Shuri, Ned, and MJ.

Thor maintained his small smile. “That’s good that you enjoy Halloween. Everyone should have an occasion where they feel as confident as they can be.” He seemed sad while he said it, but he smiled nonetheless. Peter really liked Thor. Thor remained quiet after that, and when they finished their sandwiches, they washed the plates and cookie sheet together before returning to the living room, where Shuri had become the center of attention. She was reading aloud to the room, an old copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Everyone was enraptured as Shuri read, with her voice playing along with the tone, what was happening, and the character’s voices. _God, everyone here is so high._

Shuri stopped reading and stared at him, with a large smile. Fuck, he said that aloud, didn’t he?

“Peter’s right, we are all really fucking high,” Shuri says, and her laughter is like bells. If Shuri can be the center of attention, socialite extraordinaire, and interact flawlessly with just about anyone, Peter is the complete opposite. Almost all social interaction is nerve-wracking for him, even if it doesn’t cause full-blown panic. He has funny comments that he _thinks_ , but he rarely expresses them aloud. Meeting new people is the opposite of fun, usually. He doesn’t open up like she does.

But tonight, he feels good.

He’s good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment! Please! I want to hear your opinion!


	3. Snapchat and Text Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Peter have a chat and Shuri and Peter are sweet besties. I live for platonic intimacy. Also first mention of Wade. also this is shorter i think but i needed a stopping point and didn't want people to lose hope in me updating so here it is!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer that it is not a healthy mindset to just say "everyone pukes when they drink too much" but thor is a college kid and reassuring his crush. watch out for signs of alcohol poisoning and take care of your friends. puke doesn't always mean medical attention is needed but just be smart yall. this has been a psa.

The next morning, he was not good. Apparently smoking weed does not necessarily lessen the effects of a hangover. Peter wakes with a pounding head and feeling sore all over. He doesn’t know where he is when he sits up. He’s in an unfamiliar bed, with-

_No._

Thor chooses right then to open his eyes and immediately notices Peter’s panic.

“Peter, Peter calm down, nothing happened, look, Bucky, Tony and Shuri are here-” And he gestures around them. Peter hadn’t noticed, but Shuri was spooning him from behind, he was facing Thor, and back-to-back with Thor was Bucky, spooning Tony. Peter’s heart rate was still elevated, but he finally let out the breath he had been holding. Thor exhales dramatically too and sits up with Peter. 

“No one wanted to go home last night, so everyone piled in Tony and Bucky’s beds. I'm so sorry if you weren't okay with this, you kind of fell asleep and we couldn't exactly get a solid answer from you.”

“Are Tony and Bucky together?” Peter asked, extremely confused. He had gotten vibes that Steve and Bucky were dating, but now Bucky was spooning Tony and they were sharing a bed, which wouldn’t be strange for him and Shuri, he supposes, but seemed odd considering they each had their own bed and Steve was here. Maybe he was over-thinking it. After all, Peter is a big advocate for platonic intimacy. Or, well, he likes the idea and thinks it should be more normal. He can’t really advocate if he doesn’t talk.

“Ah, I’ll let them explain that to you. Just, know that neither of them is cheating on Steve, or something like that.” Thor looked sheepish and a little awkward. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” Peter answered honestly. It was getting easier to talk to Thor with every minute, but his head was throbbing as if it was getting stomped on by a giant, repeatedly. His muscles ached and his stomach- _oh no oh no oh no-_

In a split second, Thor was holding a trash can under his face that seemed to have appeared from nowhere. Once the first round of vomiting seemed to be over, Thor carefully extracted them both from the bed and helped Peter to the bathroom, where Peter promptly bent over the toilet and puked again.

“Perhaps grilled cheese wasn’t the best idea,” Thor said quietly, with a comforting smile.

“Perhaps not,” Peter quipped with a moan. Peter didn’t even care about being gross at the moment, he just propped his chin on his forearms on the front of the toilet seat, feeling his stomach churn and waiting for the next wave. Thor lifted his arm and hesitated a little bit before placing his hand gently on Peter’s back. He scratched at it gently in large circular motions, changing direction occasionally. Peter relaxed into the soothing feeling. At the next wave of puking, Thor removed his hand, but when Peter was done, he looked back at Thor silently and the scratching resumed almost immediately.

“I’m guessing this is alright with you, then?” Thor asked, starting again, with a bit of a spark in his eye and his smile. Peter felt himself getting nervous but pushed through.

“Yeah. Feels great.”

“I… don’t know how much you remember, Peter, but I meant what I said about wanting to go on a date. If you’re interested, I’d be honored.” Thor didn’t smile now, only looking hopeful and serious. Peter couldn’t help but be incredulous. Here was a man watching him puke his guts out on the floor of his neighbors’ bathroom, a man who had witnessed his painfully awkward social interactions and the accompanying anxiety and panic, a man who could quite literally have someone twice the attractiveness and coolness of Peter, who wanted to take him out. Peter couldn’t stop his next impulse.

“Why?”

“ _Why?”_ Thor looked baffled.

“Yeah, why do you want to go out with me? I’m not that great. You’ve watched me puke for the last ten minutes. I almost go into a panic attack talking to a stranger for the first time. I’m not that good looking, and you’re practically a god. You like to party, and smoke weed, and I barely leave my apartment. You smile at everything, and I can’t even make eye contact with most people. Why would you want to go on a date with me?” Thor frowned, and Peter decided then and there that making Thor frown was something he wanted to avoid at all costs. As he was beginning to panic and trying to figure out how to fix what he had said to make Thor not frown, his brain started to spiral until Thor pulled him out of it by placing his hand on Peter’s cheek, cupping his face. He takes a deep breath to start a speech that would have Peter swooning, if his stomach wasn’t doing its best imitation of a washing machine.

“Peter, I don’t know you incredibly well. Perhaps we may be different people, but my first impression of you is that you are quiet, thoughtful and observant. Everyone pukes when they drink too much. Social anxiety is a real illness and you are not less of a person for experiencing fear that your body subjects you to without your consent. I, personally, find you very attractive,” Peter blushes and Thor begins to smile again _oh thank god_ , “I do enjoy going out, but I also appreciate time alone and in private. Everything is a matter of balance. As I recall, you smoked last night as well, and while it seemed like you enjoyed it, I would never judge you if you chose never to smoke, or drink, again. I smile because it makes me and others happy. I don’t expect that from anyone, it isn’t my right to demand that of others. If avoiding eye contact brings you comfort enough to spend time with someone and connect with them, by all means, don’t look them in the eye. And Peter, you can get better at some of those things, if they are aspects you would like to improve on. Just now, you said more to me than I’ve heard you speak all night and yet you aren’t panicked. I think that’s a step in the right direction.” Thor is smiling softly still, and his thumb is stroking Peter’s cheek. Peter is gaping like a fish.

“I want to go on a date with you.” Peter doesn’t know how, but the words are out of his mouth and he is glad they are.

“Wonderful. I can’t wait.”

~

Somehow everyone makes it home, and Peter promptly showers and passes out for a few hours. He knows that if he stays asleep it will fuck up his schedule, though, so he only allows himself a few. He makes a quick lunch of sandwiches, leaving one for Shuri in the fridge. He doesn't know exactly where she went, but he knows that she was talking to Nakia on the phone earlier. Nakia is incredibly sweet and well-spoken, but also insanely intimidating. Don't even get him started on Okoye.

Peter decides to text Ned to see how he and MJ are doing, and they are about as good as him. His hangover is subsiding slightly, especially after a nap and food. He invites them over, and they come and hang out for a few hours, bringing their own homework to do but also playing some Mario Kart with him. They grill him mercilessly about Thor and absolutely  _geek_ when they find out that he and Thor slept in the same bed, cuddled up no less. Despite major blushing and embarrassment, Peter has a great time and talks about Thor unabashedly. Ned and MJ (along with Shuri) have this magical ability to make him chattier than he feels.

After a few minutes of talk about his hair and arms, Shuri walks back in and joins the embarrass-Peter circle. Peter's crush gets even stronger after all this talking about Thor.

Ned and MJ stay for a while but head back eventually to get ready for another party. Peter can't believe it, but they manage to do well so he never questions it. Peter and Shuri knock out some homework until dinner time, when Shuri eats the sandwich Peter left for her and Peter heats up some leftover Chinese.

Later that evening, Shuri and Peter are settling in for their regular Saturday binge-fest. For the past two weeks, it’s been Legend of Korra. Fridays are generally when Shuri goes out, occasionally bringing Peter with. If not, he either has some quality alone time or hangs out with Ned and MJ. Saturdays are their roommate time. Binge watching TV or movies has been the Saturday trend for some time. Sundays are, of course, for homework.

Peter’s phone buzzes about two episodes in. He checks it and sees a snapchat request from _point_break_. He opens it up and reads Thor’s name just in time for Shuri to start paying attention.

“Who are you texting?” She looks skeptical. He truly doesn’t text many people.

“No one, just Ned,” he says, trying to be nonchalant. He tilts the screen away from her slightly and accepts the request.

“You just tilted your phone away from me.” Peter clicks home.

“No, I didn’t, look.”

“Peter.”

He caves.

“Thor requested me on Snapchat.” Her reaction is instantaneous.

“HE WHAT? Oh my god, Peter, accept!!”

“I did, cool your jets.” Peter clicks on the name to see Thor’s bitmoji. It actually looks basically like him, Peter is impressed. His own looks very generic.

“Has he sent anything yet?”

“Nope-” another buzz interrupts him.

“Open it open it openitopenit!!!” Shuri is practically vibrating. He shoves her shoulder playfully before holding the phone where they can both see it. He is fairly confident that Thor respects him enough not to send anything that Shuri shouldn’t see.

He’s right. It’s a sweet selfie, with a sweet smile. The caption simply says, _can’t wait to see you again._ Peter’s heart skips a beat and he is smiling like a fool with a blush creeping all the way down his neck.

Peter sits and stares long enough that Shuri finally points it out that he should reply. But the snap is on infinite and he really doesn’t want to get rid of it. He’s too awkward to screenshot so soon though. Reluctantly, he tries to memorize the picture before clicking it away and opening up the reply.

“Wait, wait. Let me help,” Shuri says, directing his hands slightly. She positions his phone and tells him to smile, then corrects him and tells him not to show teeth and to look up slightly. The photo is damn near perfect. It actually makes Peter feel a little bit confident. He looks cute and it’s a flattering photo.

 _I’m excited too!_ Peter reconsiders the exclamation point.

“Is this exclamation point too desperate?” he asks Shuri.

“Of course not, Peter. This boy is over the moon for you. Tell him he was fun. Better yet, throw in a kissy face emoji.”

“Um, no chance. I’m not sending a kissy face in my first snapchat to him!” He types out _Was so fun spending time with you!_ Showing Shuri, he asks, “Is this caption too long anyway? Maybe I should get rid of the second part.”

“Peter, we aren’t in middle school. You’re overthinking this. He’ll be happy to see it, trust me.”

“You really think so?” Peter can feel his heart beat a little faster. He opens up the keyboard again and finds the kissy face.

“I’m sure of it. You are a catch, Peter. It would make anyone happy to see that you are as into it as they are.” Peter wishes he could just siphon off some of her confidence. He hits send before he can talk himself out of it.

Thor almost immediately sends back another soft-smile selfie. Peter groans and blushes up to his ears upon reading the caption, though.

_Why does your caption sound so much more like shuri than yourself?_

Shuri lifts his hand so she can see it and laughs loudly. Peter tries to bury himself in the couch cushion.

“Sit up, Parker. It’s funny. Send him a picture of the both of us,” Shuri says, still chuckling and smiling wide.

“I’m so embarrassed. He called me out. Why would he do that?”

“Because it’s funny, silly. He still loved it.”

“UUUUUUGGggggghh.”

“Come on, now, up. Enough of this.” Shuri yanks him up into a sitting position and puts her chin on his shoulder. “Now smile and take a cute selfie. Then I’m unpausing and you can message him all night while we watch TV, okay?” She rubs a comforting hand on his arm and Peter is reminded that, despite her general sarcasm and snark, she really is a great friend. He complies, and the picture is nice, so he saves it before putting the caption on it.

_Because she coached me through it. But I meant it, I really am excited._

The next time Thor replies, Shuri and Peter are already cuddled up and the show is playing again.

“You sure it doesn’t bother you that I’m messaging during binge time?” He double checks. He doesn’t want to be a crappy friend who is always on their phone.

“Of course not, but I do take pleasure in being nosy, so fill me in on anything important,” she responds with a smirk.

Thor’s reply isn’t a photo this time, but a message.

_That’s wonderful to hear. I didn’t get your number last night, so here is mine. You can text or call anytime. 262-6789_

Peter texts with his name, and his heart flutters. Thor asks about his day, and what he and Shuri are up to, and coaxes Peter into further explaining the binge night custom. The two message for close to an hour before Thor bids him goodnight. It’s not late, but they were both up late the night before and Peter actually feels pretty tired too. He feels so… content. And proud of himself, for talking so much even if it wasn’t “real” talking. He had talked about Ned and MJ and his friendship with them, his major (biochemistry), his job at the school newspaper, his feelings about his first time using weed, his aunt, and Shuri. Thor had in turn talked about his odd relationship with his odd sibling, his parents, the sports he played growing up, his own major (Sociology on the Women’s Studies track, no joke), his own friends Brun, Bruce, Carol, and another guy named Peter, his involvement in theatre, and a very brief mention of his own roommate, Wade. He seemed hesitant to disclose much more than just, _he’s a little off his rocker but he is a good person._ That freaked Peter out a bit, but at least he didn’t have to meet Wade.

At some point in there, he gets a text from both Tony and Bucky. Tony’s reads _thor gave me your number, I cant believe I had to get it from him. Whatever, hope you’re ready for some sick science memes._ Peter chuckled at that and sent back a thumbs up. Bucky sent _hey punk, this is bucky, sorry if tones is being a dick. This is my number, you can call or text whenever_ and a second right after it reads _ill let you know if we have things going on, you are welcome to come ._ Peter responds with thanks and a smiling face. Thor then sent him a sweet goodnight, to which he responded with his own, and then he put his phone on the coffee table. Shuri’s eyes were drooping, so he cuddled back up and shifted them just slightly so that she was laying mostly on his chest. He hoped one day soon he could lay with Thor like this, preferably with himself in Shuri’s position. When Shuri lets the “are you still watching” message just sit there, he goes ahead and turns off the TV and sinks further into the couch, hugging Shuri close.

For the second night in a row, he notices consciously just how content he is. Thor likes him. And he likes Thor. He has great friends, and might be on track to make more. He falls asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly undecided about what my endgame will be with peter, im inclined to do wade but also not sure at all so tell me what you guys would like to see! i love thor/peter but i don't want it to be the endgame here.


	4. Overwhelmed, for All the Wrong Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooooorrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy. 
> 
> This got a tad dark. A little triggering maybe if you have self-deprecation issues or intense guilt with your panic and anxiety.  
> Please, rest assured that everyone will be okay. But this happened and it may not seem okay for a bit. I do have a plan though. I never tagged this as being dark or sad, but I also never tagged it as light or fluffy :/ 
> 
> Anyway, have some Aunt May! I hope you'll love her.

The next week is honestly one of the best weeks that Peter has had in a long time. He is able to spend time with Ned and MJ, his classes and homework are well managed, his job is going smoothly and he has no impending deadlines, and he thinks his newest batch of anxiety meds is kicking in and actually might be working. He started them a few months ago after a few bad matches and he hadn’t been optimistic about these ones, but maybe he can start being optimistic now. Peter has also talked with Thor every day, even having a phone call yesterday, after Thor politely asked if that would be alright for him. Two days ago they ran into each other in person and had a short break together between classes. Thor insisted on taking a picture because “The weather is gorgeous!” but Peter knows he only wanted a picture of the two of them together. Which is totally fine, because Thor immediately sent the picture to Peter. He looks at it all the time. If the date goes well, maybe he will set it as his wallpaper- he doesn’t want to seem too clingy too soon. They have a date scheduled for Sunday night. Peter has no clue what the date will be, because Thor is keeping it a surprise, and normally that would stress him out. However, Thor is slowly but surely making his way onto Peter’s list of non-anxiety-inducing friends. Bucky and Tony are on their way, too. Peter hasn’t talked much to Steve, but when he managed to actually ask Bucky about the nature of his relationships with Steve and/or Tony, Bucky told him that three of them were in a polyamorous relationship, and when Peter said he hadn’t heard of that, Bucky promised that the three of them would take him out one night and explain it all in person. So, Peter is eventually going to spend some time with Steve, and he’s nervous, but he’s hoping that the growing ease with which he interacts with Tony and Bucky will help the encounter. Tony has been true to his word, sending plenty of sick science memes to make himself and Shuri laugh all week. Nat and Clint even said hello to him once when they passed each other on campus, and he barely felt any anxiety at all! He said hello back and genuinely smiled. Bucky told him that they enjoyed meeting him and want to get to know him, Shuri, MJ and Ned better. All in all, it has been a truly amazing week.

Until Friday.

Friday started out fine, like any other day that week, and he even got some assignments handed back with top grades. Shuri and Ned ate lunch with him while MJ had a seminar she had to go to, and he sent Tony a great vine after lunch that he still randomly laughed about every little while come dinnertime. Shuri was going out with the girls tonight, so Ned and MJ were coming over in an hour or so. As he sat down to eat, his phone rang with Aunt May calling. Excited to talk to his aunt, he picks up with enthusiasm.

“May! How have you been?”

“Well hello!” She laughs lightly.

“Hi, May. It’s good to hear your voice.”

“Well you know you can call whenever you want, right?”

“I know that but I’m the college student here. I’m supposed to be bad at this,” he quips with a smile. He really should call more often, though.

“I know you are, it’s fine, Peter. How have you been? How’s school going?”

“It’s going great! I’ve actually had a fantastic week. Got good grades on my assignments, work is good and I haven’t been yelled at recently. Ned and MJ are doing great, Shuri is doing great. I’ve been making new friends, too.” He’s quieter on that last bit, but still smiling.

“New friends, huh? Well that’s different. Who are they?”

“I’ve been getting to know our neighbors, Tony and Bucky. They have a few other friends that I’ve met and who want to hang out more sometime. And then there’s Thor.” He can’t help it if that comes out a little dreamier than the rest. Of course, May notices.

“Hmm, and who is Thor? Not one of your neighbors?”

“Well, technically we live in the same building. And I’ve seen him before but he’s always been pretty respectful of personal space so he hasn’t really talked to me much around the building, probably because I looked to nervous. But Bucky and Tony had us all over one night, Shuri and Ned and MJ, and their friends Nat and Clint. And Bucky and Tony’s boyfriend Steve. But Thor and I talked a lot that night and we’ve been talking this week, too.”

“And what kind of talking is it? Just friendly chit chat or the middle school _talking_ deal?”

“Maaaay.”

“What, I know the lingo. I’m not that old, you know. So tell me about Thor.” She’s not letting him out of this one.

“Well, we are genuinely just talking, friendly chatter, but…”

“Yes?” Peter can hear her smug smirk over the phone. He wants to be defiant, but he just feels fondness. He misses May. At home they could have this chat snuggled on the couch with hot chocolate.

“We have a date for Sunday!”

“Peter! That’s wonderful! Honey I’m so happy for you.” Peter blushes even though no one can see him.

“It’s just a date, May. I don’t even know what we are doing, he won’t tell me.”

“Honey, it might be just a date, but nothing’s really just anything with you, is it?”

Peter laughs loudly and feels that fond tug at his heart again. “I miss you, May. I can’t wait for break. Two more weeks.”

“I’m excited too, sweetie. You’ll have to call me before then, though, I want to hear all about this date.”

“Oh, I will. He’s so handsome, May, you have no idea,” Peter gushes.

“I want a picture. Put me on speakerphone so you can send me one now,” she demands.

Peter sends the cute picture of the two of them from the other day. They’re sitting on the ground between some trees, so the sunlight is not quite as intense, but you can tell that the weather is nice. You can’t see much beyond their heads and shoulders, but both are smiling radiantly.

“I just sent it.”

“Oh my god, Peter. You look so happy! I’ve never seen you so carefree around someone that wasn’t Ned. Or Shuri and MJ.”

“Maaaay. Look at Thor, though, isn’t he just amazing?”

“Oh honey, yes. Boys should not be allowed to be so handsome, it simply isn’t fair. He’s liable to give someone a complex. How can his hair be that shiny?”

“It’s like _gold_ , May, or silk, my god it looks so soft in person.”

“His face is just so perfect!”

“I knooooow.”

“Okay but Peter, what is he like apart from looks? Is he nice? Respectful? Open-minded?

“God, May, he’s practically perfect. He, well…” Peter wants to tell her everything but he hesitates at the thought of telling his aunt, his sole guardian from age 14, about smoking weed and getting drunk.

“He what?”

“He is just, extremely caring, you know?”

“Did he take care of you when you were drunk?” Again, Peter can practically see that smug smirk in his head. As it is, he chokes on air.

“What- what gives you that idea, May?”

“Well, ‘ _he’s extremely caring_ ’ just sounds exactly like _he took care of me_ in Peter-speak.”

“Well I wasn’t actually drunk.”

“Oh my god, Peter did you get high?”

“What? May, no…”

May laughs, and it sounds a little sad almost. Peter really misses her.

“Peter, it’s okay. I got high and drunk when I was your age, too. Who says I still don’t occasionally get high or drunk?” God, she basically waggled her eyebrows over the phone. Peter rolls his eyes, even though she can’t see.

“Ugh, May, fine, I had been drunk, but it had somewhat worn off, and I was high. Didn’t stop the hangover, though.”

“Tell me about it, kid.”

“Anyway, yeah. He took care of me.”

“Why don’t you start from the beginning?” Peter does, and he tells her about that whole night, not just Thor. May lets him talk, gush, explain, and be proud of himself.

“I’m proud of you, too, Peter. That sounds like it was a hard night.”

“It was.”

“But a good one?”

“The best,” Peter smiles.

“That’s my kid. Gotta look on the bright side, right?”

“Sure, May.” Peter chuckles. “I really do miss you. Can we videochat after my date with Thor?”

“Of course, sweetie.” May cuts off oddly, like she wanted to say something but changed her mind. The silence stretches out a bit.

“Everything okay, there, May?”

“Yes, it’s just… Peter, I called you today to talk about something.” Peter doesn’t like the sound of her voice, not at all. It’s so far from his sunshine-y aunt’s normal tone.

“What is it, May? Should I come home early? Are you okay?” Fuck, his heart is beating so fast already and she hasn’t even said anything, he can’t even have a fucking conversation without-

“Peter, breathe. I can tell you’re panicking. Everything is okay right now.”

“Right now?”

“Peter… I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. Those migraines I’ve been getting finally got to me. I was getting sick at work and forgetting little things.”

“What did the doctors say? Can we afford medicine for the migraines?”

“It’s not just migraines, it’s… Peter, I- I have cancer.”

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

..

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

..

 

 

“Peter? Peter, hello? Sweetie, if you can hear this, breath with me, okay? In, two three four, out two three four five, in two three four, out two three four five…”

 

 

 

.. .. .. ..

 

 

.. .. .. .. 

 

 

 

“Peter. I know it’s a lot to take in. Just, listen for me. The doctors are doing all they can. I’ve already started chemo. It’s spread a little big around my skull but hasn’t gotten anything important yet. They can’t make any solid evaluations now, but there’s no reason not to be optimistic, Peter. I feel good. I’m hopeful.”

 

.

 

Peter’s voice is small, like a child’s.

“I wanna come home, May.”

“Now Peter, you’ll be home in two weeks. And we are going to skype on Sunday, right? After your date. Or Monday, if things go well.” She tries to be funny. She tries to be funny. She tries to be _funny_.

“ _May_.”

“I know, not the time. But Peter, you can’t let this eat you up. I can’t let it eat me up. You know us, we’re a dynamic duo. If one of us is overwhelmed, the other isn’t far behind. Let me lead on this one. It’s tough, and believe me, I had my own period of _what the fuck happens now_ and having to deal with that, but when you’re ready, Peter, I would really love some hope from my favorite nephew. I’d especially like to see him smile more, like he does when a certain blonde hunk is nearby…”

“May, come on.” Peter can’t help but curl his lips up a tiny bit. May always is able to cheer him up. But he still feels like his insides have spontaneously combusted, burnt away and been replaced with bright, white, nothingness. But for a moment, he can almost grin.

“Sweetie, I’m adjusted. Still adjusting, but adjusted enough to have some humor. Isn’t that what your whole generation is about, dark humor?” she says sweetly.

“I mean, yeah, but not when actual cancer is involved. And I hate to break it to you May, but you’re actually a part of millennials, you know that, right?” He tries, for her.

“I may be a millennial, but you certainly aren’t, mister gen-Z extraordinaire.” She can tell he tried. They both know it.

“I am very much in between, thank you!” he says with more sass. “I think that the 96-98’s classification is dependent on the individual circumstances of their childhood.”

“Hm, that makes sense. You definitely had a more nineties-esque childhood. Even if you didn’t, your early 2000’s were more millennial-ish than gen-Z ish.” She’s rambling, but it does make Peter feel better. She shouldn’t have to be the one to make him feel better. At that moment, Ned’s knock comes at the door. He can faintly here MJ on the other side.

“Open up, Parker. We brought ice cream and garlic knots.”

“May, Ned and MJ are here. Should I…”

“Let them in, hon, I don’t want to keep you from your friends.”

“May, I could talk to you all night and be happy.”

“But I want you to be happy _and_ well-rounded. Spend time with your friends. Don’t get upset, but I told MJ earlier about the cancer.” MJ knocks annoyingly until he yells toward the door that he’ll be there in a second.

“Why did you tell her first?” Peter isn’t hurt, just confused. MJ loves May and May loves MJ, but the two aren’t like, super close.

“I thought Friday was your hangout time with her and Ned and thought that she might need some warning if I planned to have this conversation with you before they got there.”

“That explains the ice cream and garlic knots.”

“You have great friends, Peter. I can’t wait to meet some new ones, too.”

“You will, May. Soon.”

“I love you, Peter. Go let your friends in.”

“Love you too, May. Talk to you soon.”

“Bye, Peter.”

“Bye, May.”

After hanging up, he let’s in Ned and MJ. Ned immediately goes for a hug, which Peter fucking melts into. MJ goes to set down their food in the kitchen. Ned leads him to the couch and the two fall down, Peter practically lying across Ned, and Ned just holds him. If Peter hadn’t known Ned for as long as he had, and hadn’t been in a similar situation with the roles reversed, he might be slightly embarrassed. Nonetheless, he let’s himself take comfort in Ned’s touch. MJ eventually joins, only leaning slightly on his back, but a comforting presence that is more than her usual level of affection. Peter cries for a little while. Not ugly sobs, like he feels like, but just stray tears and level breathing. He doesn’t know how. But Ned and MJ are there for him. They always are.

~

He tells Shuri the following morning, just so she is aware that he isn’t exactly in the happiest of moods, and she wraps him in another hug. She then sets about having the most Peter-centric day ever. They go to the biochem unit at the Health Museum, to his favorite restaurant, and to a movie after. The whole time, Shuri maintains some physical connection. Honestly, Peter craves physical contact so much that he doesn’t even complain about all the attention. He really just wants May, but she wants him to wait until break to come home. He feels a strange sense of paranoia, not being able to touch her or hug her. He snapchats her with a lot more frequency, and no doubt that May notices, but she indulges him. She’s still working, even with being sick. Her snaps today are of her in scrubs at the hospital. He’s so glad he taught her snapchat. It’s not the same as physically being there, but seeing her in action gives him a little something to soothe that strange paranoia from being apart after the bombshell from last night.

Thor notices something is off just from his texts, which are probably shorter and more clipped than usual, but he doesn’t press the issue. Just reminds Peter of their date tomorrow and the pick-up time, and then gives him his space, which Peter appreciates. He assures Thor that his funk is definitely not anything to do with Thor, just something he has to work through.

He and Shuri almost decide to skip binge night, because it seems like Peter would rather go to bed, but then Shuri makes the point that if he lets the doom and gloom take all the fun parts of his routine, then he might feel worse for longer. So even though he’d rather sleep and forget, and even though he thinks he should be nothing but somber and serious right now, he allows himself to enjoy a few hours of cartoons with one of his best friends.

And Saturday came and went.

Peter wakes up early on Sunday and almost immediately begins a cycle of intense anxiety, intense excitement, and intense guilt. He feels anxious for his date; not horribly so, but enough. Then he thinks about how wonderful Thor has been and he starts to feel more excitement than nerves. But then he thinks about May and how he doesn’t really deserve to be excited, which May would be appalled to hear him say but that’s why he isn’t saying it to her, or anyone for that matter.

It overwhelms him within the hour. He’s so on edge that he snaps at Shuri, which he immediately feels horrible for, but doesn’t get the chance to apologize for because she just let it go and left to go somewhere. He knows she’s letting him slide because of May. But she shouldn’t have to.

Peter stews in his juices for another hour or so, sweating constantly and not even bothering to try and be mindful of his breathing or heartbeat. He’s practically hyperventilating when he thinks he should try to call Shuri. He hates to interrupt whatever she is doing, but she knows how to calm him down and he really wants to apologize for being cross with her. She picks up on the fourth ring, but can’t leave her meeting because its induction day for the freshmen officers or something. He tries to apologize, but she brushes it off. He appreciates her thought process, but he feels weird inside. Like he wants someone to be mad at him. He’s mad at himself but its overshadowed by guilt and panic. He deserves to be yelled at right now. How could he be so selfish? Shuri hangs up and tells him to put on a specific playlist and take a shower. That sounds smart, so he does, but again, he feels worse for actually feeling better. Now he feels angrier, and the rage is almost a physical sensation. It _is_ a physical sensation. His muscles tense and he feels like venom has seeped into his bloodstream or is filling him up like a water balloon. He wants to _hit_ something or be hit, or rip something apart or squeeze it so tight it explodes.

His books are the first to go.

One by one he rips them off the shelf and chucks them at his wall with all his might. When he runs out (and it takes a while, he has a lot of books), pictures are next. There aren’t as many, but the glass of the frames shattering is a little more satisfying. He doesn’t really have anything left to throw, so he drives the heel of his hand into the wall. A few times. He closes his fist and punches nearly hard enough to break a bone, only just holding back. He does that over, and over, and over until his doorbell rings. He’s going to ignore it, but then he hears a _crack_ and Bucky is shouting.

“Peter? Where are you man, what the actual _fuck_ is going on in here-”

Bucky stares at the wreckage. He stares at Peter, crying, puffy, hyperventilating. He glances down to Peter’s bruised knuckles.

“I broke your chain lock. I’ll fix it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Peter can feel his resolve breaking. He wants to crumple, but he shouldn’t, he should be fine and okay because he has no right to feel bad, but he has no right to feel good either. His heart feels like a tennis match between the two sides, sped up 500%. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and it’s all too much.

“Hey, Pete, I gotcha, punk. C’mere, you’re gonna sit right down with me now…” And Peter lets himself float, as Bucky’s arms encompass him and lower him gently down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, spoilers be damned, I'm not killing Aunt May. She will be fine. I just wanted something incredibly stressful introduced before this date and I've seen the storyline used a lot before. I guess it may be something from the comics? anyway, May is going to be 100% okay. Tell me what you think of her though!
> 
> another thing i want to know is how do you guys feel about smut? im good writing it or leaving it out but i want to know what yall like!


	5. Coming Down and Going Back Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is helped down from a panic attack by a new friend and does something spontaneous. A small sneak peak of the full Stuckony relationship chat, and a small sneak peak of Steve and Tony. I didn't quiiiite get to the date because this got longer than I expected! Next week though. date and maaaaybe some sexy times? The rating might change unless i receive some substantial objection to that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, no one has commented since i last updated and i don't know if that means yall hated the chapter or if everyone was just too busy (which would make sense, as I am also too busy lol) but anyway, i just needed that drama to sort of set things in place for the beginning of Thor and Peter's relationship. It's gonna get intense pretty quickly (and hot and heavy, if yall are into that! rating may change). and next chapter will include the full polyamory talk from stuckony and a real step forward in Peter's friendship with all of them, including Nat/Clint. Soon after i will start to introduce the others! bruce, Wade, peter q, carol, gamora, valkyrie, loki, etc. PLEASE tell me if you have suggestions, requests, ideas, headcanons, etc. and how you feel about the fic so far!
> 
> update as of publishing the real chapter: still comment!! talk about tropes you wanna see or character interactions, etc. give me ideas!
> 
> reminder that MAY IS GONNA BE FINE because i love aunt may so freaking much. she will make a full recovery. i don't want there to be suspense or surprise there. just focus on the drama for the present lol.

Peter goes between fuzzy white and swirly grey for a little while. He isn’t entirely dissociated, but it’s a near thing. He can hear Bucky talking, though he doesn’t quite know what he is saying yet. He can feel Bucky holding him tightly, grounding him to the present when his mind wants to take him on a time warp where nothing makes sense. He thought he was going to explode, but he didn’t. He felt like he was being ripped in two, but he wasn’t. He’s here and even though it’s fuzzy and swirly, he’s okay.

Finally, Bucky’s words start to come clear.

“…Parker… live…”

“…Peter Parker, you live with…”

“Your name is Peter Parker, you live with Shuri…”

Peter could stop him, but it’s comforting to hear his voice. He lets it wash over him. Bucky simply rambles on, hand on Peter’s chest to feel his heart and breathing.

“You live with Shuri, I’m your neighbor Bucky. I live with my boyfriend Tony next door. Thor and Wade live upstairs in our building. Your name is Peter Parker. Your best friends are Ned and MJ and Shuri. Me and you became friends just a week ago. I told you about my PTSD. Your name is Peter Parker. You study biochemistry. You’re a junior in college. You live with Shuri. Your best friends are Ned and MJ. Your neighbors are Bucky, that’s me, and Tony.”

Peter sucks in a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Breathing is ragged and labored, but it happens, and he is able to even it out. Bucky stops talking but keeps holding him. Peter appreciates it. When he finally feels like he can breathe, he opens his mouth to speak. He is immediately interrupted.

“I swear to God, Parker, if you say ‘I’m sorry’ I’ll kick your ass.”

Peter squeaks slightly, which he will deny until the day he dies. “I was going to say _thank you_ , actually.”

Bucky has the decency to look slightly ashamed. “Shit, now I’m sorry, punk. I shouldn’t assume things.”

“You know what they say about assuming,” Peter quips. That’s an aunt May-ism, but he’s heard a lot of people say it. He smiles up at Bucky from his place on his chest.

Bucky just looks confused.

“You’ve heard that before, right?” Peter asks, turning red from embarrassment.

“No, I haven’t, but what _do_ they say about assuming?”

Peter settles himself again with another deep breath. “It makes an ass of u and me.” Peter holds his breath, waiting for Bucky to say he doesn’t get it or that it isn’t funny. This doesn’t happen, of course.

Bucky absolutely _chokes_ on his laughter. His shaking actually helps lift Peter’s spirits a little, and a smile just barely brushes his lips as he looks up at Bucky’s gleeful laugh and head thrown back.

“Oh, Peter, you’re a lot funnier than you make yourself out to be. Mind if I steal that sometime to use on Tony and Steve?” Peter chuckles and shakes his head.

He replies with a real smile, “Use it all you want. My aunt says it to me when I’m being a shithead.”

“Now that’s something I’d like to see. You, a shithead? I highly doubt it,” Bucky’s eyes twinkle with laughter, but his voice is softer now. He’s trying to bring back the calm.

“Yeah, I can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.” Peter is happy that he feels more comfortable around Bucky. He wasn’t even lying when he said he wasn’t going to say _sorry_. That’s something he still struggles with even with May, sometimes. But Bucky trusts him and wants to be his friend.

“Can we get up now?” Peter doesn’t exactly want to leave Bucky’s arms, but he feels awkward and there’s also a book under his ass that he’s finally able to notice and find painful.

“Yeah, punk. Here, c’mon…” Bucky keeps his arms around Peter, shifting enough to get his legs under him and stand, all while keeping Peter’s back to his own chest. When they’re both standing, he spins Peter around and holds him by the shoulders, not quite at arms’ length. He looks seriously at Peter when he asks, “Does physical contact help you? I know I was holding you just then, but I need to know if I should keep doing that or stop.”

Peter is embarrassed, to say the least. He doesn’t know why he can’t just have a normal interaction with Bucky. Instead, it all has to be embarrassing or dramatic, or so it seems to Peter in the moment. He stutters a bit, but manages to communicate some semblance of, “Keep doing it.” Bucky just nods seriously, wraps an arm around his shoulders and leads them to Peter’s bed, where he lays them both down and flips Peter onto his chest. Peter’s head rests over Bucky’s heart, and when he lays his ear down, he can hear it. It’s grounding.

“Don’t worry, but I’m gonna text Stevie real quick. You stay where you are, okay?” Bucky’s arms leave his back for a moment, but as soon as the text is sent, Bucky returns to their position. He moves again in a few minutes to check the reply, but doesn’t respond again.

After about five minutes of silence, Bucky breaks first.

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, did something trigger it?”

Peter tries to find that line again. The one where he teeter-totters between openness and good communication with Bucky for whatever odd reason, and the typical anxiety and embarrassment that he feels most of the time. He wants to be honest. It takes him a minute, but he does find it.

“My aunt May has cancer.”

“That fucking sucks, Peter.” Peter appreciates that. It _does_ fucking suck. And there’s nothing he or anyone else can do to change it right now.

“Yeah. She told me on Friday. I’ve been in a funk since then. I… I feel one way and then another… it switches so fast. I… well, I don’t really know.” He’s teetering over the line again.

“You feel guilty, don’t you?” Bucky’s voice is calm and quiet, but sounds a little nervous too.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

Bucky breathes slowly. He pauses and shifts his neck slightly. His words are even quieter now. Only just above a whisper, he begins, “When Stevie and I were little, I always felt like I shouldn’t be happy, because he was so sick. But I also shouldn’t be sad, because _I_ wasn’t sick. It was a constant cycle of guilt. I didn’t have it bad enough for me to be sad, and he didn’t have it good enough for me to be happy.”

Peter hadn’t thought about what Bucky had told him before, about Steve getting into fights and being smaller, sick and weak. Peter hadn’t realized that Bucky was someone who actually, truly could understand what he was feeling right now. Maybe neither of them could fully empathize with May or Steve, but they could empathize with each other. Logically, Peter knows that he is “never alone” and not the only one who feels the way he does. But for once, it finally feels like the emotions match the logic.

“I didn’t think about that. You really know how it feels.”

“Yeah. And even though it’s not the same as having cancer or a million other problems, it still fucking sucks. And you can recognize that, and feel it, and not be a bad person, you know?” Bucky says this in a way that makes Peter think it’s partially for himself.

“I hope I didn’t trigger you with all this.”

“Nah, punk. I’m here for you on this. Maybe a while ago it might have hurt a little more, but my triggers are different things. I’m glad you told me, and that you’re letting me help you.”

Peter smiles, and he thinks Bucky can feel it against his chest because he squeezes tighter in response.

Peter hadn’t realized his eyes were closed. Upon opening them, he quite literally falls out of the bed.

“Steve! Don’t just stand there like that! Make some goddamn noise!” Peter exclaimed. Peter breathes heavy like he just finished sprinting a race, and Steve stands there looking sheepish. Bucky looks… pleasantly surprised? But he told Steve to come so he can’t be surprised about Steve...

Steve speaks up. “I’m so sorry, Peter, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Peter is still gasping slightly. When he catches his breath for the most part, he gets out, “How long were you there for?”

“He was there for my little speech,” Bucky mentions.

“I kept telling Buck back then that his emotions were just as important as my physical health, but he never did like to listen.” Steve walks over to the bed and sits down near Bucky’s shoulder. Peter sits back down at the foot of the bed, and Bucky lifts his feet to put them in Peter’s lap. Peter is surprised, but he grabs on to Bucky’s shins regardless.

“May would probably tell me the same thing,” Peter finally says.

“And so would we, punk.” Bucky smiles.

“So, Buck texted me for help with cleanup. I assume that Peter is gonna lay down?”

Peter is about to say that he can clean up his own mess, but Bucky interrupts.

“No, Peter and I are gonna go out before his date tonight with Thor. I have an idea.”

“Does Peter get to know the idea?” Steve asks with a skeptical raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, Bucky. What’s your idea?

“Trust me, you’ll like it.”

“You know, Steve, I could stay and clean up, it really is my mess anyway, when he said he would text you I didn’t realize that’s what he asked…” Peter trails off and looks at Bucky’s shoes in his lap.

“Peter, I’m here to help. The best thing for you right now is probably to go do whatever Bucky’s idea is. It could at least get your mind off of things.” Steve’s smile is soft, and gentle. Bucky smirks, and Peter’s kind smile at Steve shifts to a mild glare at Bucky.

“Don’t gimme that look, punk. You’ll feel better in a bit, or I’ll never surprise you again.”

Peter holds his glare for a moment before what feels like inevitable surrender. “Fine. But I’ll hold you to that.” Despite his words, Peter actually does have full confidence that whatever weird surprise Bucky has in mind will improve his mood and his spirits.

The three of them get up, and Steve starts on the books. Bucky points out that Peter should change his shirt, because he is sweaty and a little snotty, and Peter cleans up before he does. As he and Bucky are getting ready to leave, Steve pauses and walks over to him.

“Pete, I know we haven’t spent much time together, but can I give you a hug?” Wow, what a touchy-feely bunch he has stumbled upon. Peter is surprised but not at all upset. He appreciates being asked, too.

“Uh, I mean, sure, if you wanna.” It comes out quiet, but sure.

Steve wraps him up in the bear hug of the century. It’s not overly long, but there’s a lot of emotion there. It makes Peter feel warm. He still feels bad that Steve is cleaning for him while Peter goes out to do some fun surprise thing with Steve’s boyfriend.

“Have a good time. I promise, I’m okay here. I’ll hang around, or across the hall, until you guys or Shuri comes back.”

“Thanks, Steve.” Steve just squeezes his shoulder and goes back to the books. Bucky must have run and gotten the broom from the kitchen, because he sets it down near Steve before planting a sweet kiss on his cheek.

“See ya in a bit, punk.”

“Don’t let him make you do anything stupid, Peter,” is Steve’s reply, said to Peter but with a pointed look at Bucky.

Peter and Bucky make it outside, and Peter looks to Bucky to lead the way. When he sets off, he puts his arm around Peter again.

“So, panic attack notwithstanding, and guilty conscious aside, are you excited for your date with Thor?”

Peter laughs a little. It feels good. “Yeah. I really am. I haven’t liked someone this much in a while.”

“I don’t know if you’ve picked up on it yet, but our friend group is very close, which includes being very nosy. So don’t feel pressured to answer. But I’m curious; are you a virgin, Peter?” Peter actually laughs out loud, which is significantly better than a reaction of choking on air which was also equally possible.

“I’m actually not. But I know it doesn’t seem that way.”

“It doesn’t seem any kind of way, I just didn’t know,” Bucky shrugs. “I was a virgin till I was 21.”

“Wait, what? How long have you and Steve been together? Or, Tony, I guess?”

“Well, me and Steve grew up together, and we met Tony freshman year. There was this big tension for a while, and Tony and I actually didn’t get along that well at first. But it worked itself out by junior year, then I came out, and here we are. Seniors. It’s weird to think about.”

“Yeah. I don’t even want to think about graduation. But wait, so you weren’t out until last year?”

Bucky laughs. “Yeah, no. I had built quite the reputation for myself as a ladies man, but I had never actually done anything. I just danced a lot and flirted. But I’ve known I liked guys ever since Stevie and I were in middle school. He was my first boner.”

“Dude, TMI,” Peter groans.

“What, it’s true!” Bucky says, laughing again.

“That’s sweet, though, in some weird way, I guess. I first had sex when I was 16.”

“No shit. What’s the story?”

“Just a girl I had a crush on in tenth grade. We went to homecoming together, and there was some chemistry so we… well my aunt was working night shift and after the dance, yeah. But we fell out, never really dated. Her dad got into some trouble and her family ended up moving at the end of that year anyway. We didn’t part on bad terms or anything, we just didn’t really keep in touch either.”

“Wow. I know you can’t judge a book by its cover but damn, punk. I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting nothing, mind you, just not that.” Bucky has a very smug smile on his face. “Is she the only one?”

“No, I dated a guy in senior year. He, well, he had a problematic father, too. It was just him and his dad and, well, his dad was a little too manipulative and Harry was constantly trying to get his approval and all that. Harry, that was him, my ex, he was never, like, _bad_ to me, we were actually really close friends before we dated and for a little while after, and during the relationship we had like, awesome chemistry, but his dad turned out to be pretty homophobic, which neither of us had expected, and we split when we decided to go to different colleges. It was just easier. But Harry’s doing okay now, we actually are somewhat still in touch. I think he and his freshman year roommate actually ended up getting together.”

“Good for him, then, and fuck his dad. Has Tony ever said what went down with him and his father?”

“No, what was it?”

“Well, I’m not clear on the details, but when Tones came out, his dad flipped shit and tried to disown him. But Tony had been working on Stark Tech for years and found out that his dad had been taking credit, so Tony sued when he was 18 years old and actually won, like, a fuck ton of money. he was somehow able to prove that all the plans and designs were his, and he didn’t exactly ruin his dad’s company, but they started struggling.”

“What happened then?”

“Well, actually, it’s not entirely a happy ending- Tony’s parents passed away in a car wreck when he was a freshman. Turns out his dad still left the company to him in his will, even after everything. Tony has a lot of mixed feelings about it, especially his mom. It’s easier to hate his dad, but his mom was never bad to him, she just didn’t typically speak up when Howard was. Sometimes she did, but not enough.”

“That’s actually really sad.”

“Yeah. But my point is, some parents, like Tony’s and Harry’s, just don’t understand, and maybe they never will. But you can still live a good life after that.”

“That’s a nice thought, I guess. I don’t really know how my parents would react.” Peter pauses and thinks for a moment. “But May says they were very open-minded, so I don’t think I would’ve had any problems.”

“Were?”

“Oh. Yeah. My mom and dad died when I was four.”

“Shit, Peter. I figured something had happened, because you talk about your Aunt May and all, but I didn’t realize that. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks. I struggled for a while, but May and her husband were great parents to me, even if they hadn’t planned on having kids. Ben passed away when I was fourteen.”

“Damn, Pete. Sorry for pulling all this up, I need to learn to be more sensitive.”

“No, you’re fine, Bucky. I know you aren’t trying to do this, it’s just what came up in conversation.”

“Well, if you’re sure. If you ever need to talk about anything, I really am there for you. I know we haven’t been friends all that long, but I mean it.”

“Thanks, Bucky,” Peter smiles brightly. He feels ten thousand times better than this morning. Still a little shaky, but his spirits are already lifted some, and they haven’t even gotten to wherever they’re going.

“So, while we’re on the topic of relationships, etc., how did you and Steve, and Tony, like… get together, I guess?” Peter didn’t know if it was really too personal to ask that, but after his own story he felt like it was okay enough.

“Uh, truthfully, we were all high one night, and I came out to the both of them at once. Then they both said they had feelings for me, and I said I had feelings for them, and they had feelings for each other, and we all kind of tripped out about if for a few hours. It’s a fuzzy memory, but nothing happened at first other than confused shouting about how much we liked each other and how attractive we are when we’re high. And I think we sort of fell asleep in a heap on the floor.” Bucky looks slightly bashful about it, which Peter finds incredibly amusing. He tries not to laugh though, because he wants to be a good listener. As it is, he does chuckle. It’s a cute story.

“The next day, Tony wakes up and researches polyamory. By the time Steve and I woke up, he had printouts and video presentations and was like ‘Hey let’s do this’ and me and Stevie talked about it and we did.”

“Wow. That’s a whole lot less complicated than I would have imagined.”

“Oh, it was way more complicated than that. Tony is dying to tell you the whole fuckin’ thing. I don’t really know that you’d want to sit through all that, but just be warned, you probably will at some point. Tony will drag me and Steve along and sit you down for the ABC’s of our entire relationship.” Bucky has a fond tone to his voice but is so exasperated that Peter can’t help but laugh.

“Why do you think he’s so excited about that?” Peter laughs some more and revels in the light feeling slowly creeping outward from his chest.

“Tony loves a few pretty specific things. Two of them are me and Steve. Another is engineering and technology stuff. And the next thing on his list is _talking_. So maybe that. But he also likes you. We all do. I mean, I’d love to tell you about all the ins and outs of my relationship just because I want to be your friend. But I don’t love to talk as much as Tony does, so I’ll save that for him.”

“So, Tony is as much of a nerd for polyamory as he is for technology, is what I’m hearing.” Peter grins, and Bucky guffaws so loud that heads turn as they walk past. That in turn makes Peter laugh again, and the two of them are smiling so wide it hurts.

“Yeah, Pete. He’s just a nerd all around. Hey, look. We’re here.”

Peter looks up to see where Bucky points, and there at the corner is a sign reading _Falcon Cuts and Feathers._ He’s more than a little confused until they walk up and he sees the windows decorated with graphics of scissors and combs.

“Oh, Bucky. Haircuts?” Peter is, oddly enough, not panicking, but he is not at all confident that he wants a haircut.

“Doesn’t have to be a cut. Sam does dye too. Come on. Bucky pushes open the door and holds it for Peter. A tall and frankly very attractive man walks up to greet them.

“Barnes, asshole, get over here,” says the man, _Sam_ , Peter’s mind supplies. He pulls Bucky in for a hug.

“Hey, jerk. How’s it going?”

“Good enough, Barnes, good enough. How’s Cap doing? And Tony?”

“Stevie is good, stubborn and bullheaded like always, but kicking ass for senior year. Probably gonna get that scholarship to law school, the whole nine yards. Tony is killing it, too. He’s gonna somewhat take over SI when he graduates, but let Pepper be CEO so that he can focus on his doctorate. MIT already said they would have accepted him years ago, but he wanted to finish out an undergrad with us.”

“He’s a sentimental son of a bitch, wouldn’t want you to ever know it, but he is,” Sam shakes his head.

“That he is. This, Sam, is Peter.”

“Well, hi there, Peter. Whatcha looking for today?”

“I really don’t know. Bucky kind of took me here without _telling me about it_.” He feels confident enough to rag on Bucky a bit. Bucky just laughs.

“Here, punk, look through some magazines and decide on something. If you don’t like anything at all, just get a wash and trim the ends or something. You’ll feel better anyway.” He turns to address Sam again, “I, however, need a cut. These split ends are killing me.”

“God, I can only imagine how horrible your man bun must look with split ends like _those_ ,” Sam teases, rolling his eyes. “Peter, we can do as little or as much as you want. No pressure. Though, I gotta say, I could see you in some purple or blue.”

Jesus Christ. His new friend was gonna kill him.

 

~~~~

 

Peter exited the shop with electric blue tips and hair that was short around the sides but long and floppy up top, letting his curls show but definitely in a more stylish way than he’s ever worn it. The blue is _intense_ , but he isn’t unhappy with it. He actually hopes that Thor likes it and thinks that it’s bold. He isn’t a very bold person usually, it’s nice to be that for a change.

He and Bucky head back, laughing and talking more. Bucky shares some stories about his friends, and Peter actually finds himself looking forward to meeting more of them.

He’s having a great time until he accidentally bumps into someone at a crosswalk and the guy turns around to tell him off.

“Watch where you’re going, you little shit. I could have spilled my coffee.” God, what an asshole. And with a seven-dollar coffee order, no doubt. Peter knew he was being judgmental, but this guy was just so rude. Even though Peter wanted to ask what the hell this guy’s problem was, instead, his throat got tight and he just looked at the ground and mumbled a small “sorry.” The guy scoffs and Peter tenses up even more. Bucky is seething quietly next to him, and Peter’s honestly more than a little scared of both of these men in this moment, though he knows that Bucky is no danger to him.

They finish crossing the street, but the guy doesn’t leave them alone. “Fucking Christ, what a wimp. Try not to slam into people from now on, don’t be a fucking crybaby about it.”

And, there goes Bucky. Gone is the coffee from the man’s hand, upended on his head, complete with a swift kick to the shin. Immediately, Bucky yanks Peter back and the two are out of reach of the coffee-soaked jerk.

“WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!” The guy is so mad and Peter is still terrified. His heart is pounding and he can barely look up.

“How about you try not to be a fucking asshole? I’ll shove my foot so far up there you’ll feel my toes in your fucking lungs, man.” Bucky looks like he’s one-hundred percent ready to keep that promise, and the guy apparently recognizes that, because he scampers away. Bucky didn’t even have to _hit_ him, and the guy ran.

“Breathe, Peter. He’s just an asshole. You think this could be a panic attack?” Bucky is quiet and has pulled them to the side, but Peter’s really okay.

“I’m fine, just takes a minute to come down from something like that. The anxiety is always pretty constant when I’m out in public, it just flares to panic for a moment with stuff like that.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. It’s easier to deal with anxiety from assholes than from nice people.”

“Why is that?”

“Because what that guy thinks doesn’t matter as much as what a nice person thinks, at least in my head.” Peter feels weird explaining it, but he really does feel more panic anxiety when he wants people to like him. If he just wants someone to not be rude, it’s not as big of a deal.

“Makes sense. Come on, we’re almost there, and Tony wants to see you before your date. He just got out of some presentation thing.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Stark stuff, not school. But he says he wants fashion input for your date, and I’ll warn you now, if you give him an inch, he takes 8 million goddamn miles.” This brings back some of the humor and cheer, and Peter’s chest, while still recovering slightly, becomes lighter much quicker than it did earlier. He still feels those things, the guilt and confliction about May and her being sick, but he also feels good. Bucky’s idea worked, and he had a good day after the mess of this morning. And he tries to remember that he is allowed to have good days and it doesn’t make him a shitty nephew. He still has doubts but laughing again makes them more bearable.

As they walk into their building, a passerby says to Peter, “Cool hair, dude!” And Peter, shocked as he is, doesn’t respond in time. He smiles hugely, and he thinks the other person saw him. He wishes he had said thanks, but he wasn’t really prepared. Bucky noticed though and just tossed an arm around him again until they reached his apartment. As promised, Tony is waiting, now with Shuri who got home a little while ago. They gush over his hair and completely choose his outfit. He didn’t even start with an inch to give. Shuri isn’t as bad as Tony and she keeps him under control (“Thor said _casual_ , Tony, don’t be ridiculous, he isn’t wearing a suit!”)

Showered, dressed, cologne on, hair combed and re-styled, blue tips and all, Peter walks into the living room. Shuri gives him an ‘ooooooooooh fuck it up Kenneth!’ (to which he responds with the appropriate poses) and Bucky wolf whistles. Tony just wipes at an imaginary tear and says, “They grow up so fast!” Peter blushes but otherwise lets them have their fun. He is wearing dark jeans that “hug his ass” according to Shuri, a slim fit grey button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his forearms, and short black boots that generally serve as his fancy shoes but are dressed down tonight.

The four of them hang out until seven on the dot. While they wait, Steve sends Bucky and Tony a text for Peter saying good luck, and Ned and MJ send their own to him directly. Ned's just says "knock him dead!" while MJ's reads "don't have sex. you will get pregnant. and die". When the doorbell rings, Peter freezes. Bucky and Tony immediately jump up and yank him to his feet. Shuri pushes him toward the door, and then _they all fucking ditch him, traitors_.

“You’re Peter Parker. You have friends. You’re cool. You have a date tonight, Thor likes you, and you can do this.” He feels stupid, but the little pep talk helps a bit. He steels himself, takes a big breath, puts on a smile, and opens the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments make me liiiiiiiiiive
> 
> update: remember that even though Peter feels okay by the end of the chapter, he is still pretty emotionally compromised right now. Just keep that in mind for later ;)
> 
> also:  
> if anyone can point out why bucky seemed "pleasantly surprised" when Steve comes over, you get a gold star. i didn't want to make it obvious but its an important detail! :)


	6. Thunder and Lightning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answer to my riddle from the last chapter: Bucky is pleased that Peter feels comfortable enough to have a little outburst at Steve because Steve scared him. Now, Peter's gonna go on this date and, well, May was right earlier when she said they could skype monday instead of right after the date ;) buuuuut i'm saving the smut for next chapter cause i have way too much work to do, friends. hope you enjoy this though!

Thor is stunning. He’s smiling so brightly that Peter thinks the sun itself might not compare. Peter is speechless for a moment upon opening the door, but not in the bad way. Thor is wearing an outdoorsy-looking pair of boots under his jeans, a plaid shirt and a fleece pullover and vest. His hair is half pulled back, and as bright and shiny as it always is. His smile just makes his eyes look brighter and sparkly. His whole face is just glowing with happiness. It takes Peter a minute, but when he regains his composure, he realizes Thor has been saying his name.

“Peeeter,” he sing-songs teasingly.

“Sorry. You just look amazing, is all.” Peter blushes, but notices that he doesn’t stutter.

“You as well. The blue in your hair is phenomenal!” Thor looks suitably amazed. Peter is pretty proud of himself.

“Thank you. Bucky took me to do it earlier today.” Peter is still blushing and he doubts he’ll stop tonight.

“Well, what a good choice. Blue is your color. It’s a very fun style.” He pauses and looks Peter in the eyes again. It doesn’t bother Peter like it normally would. “So, how are you doing?”

“I’m-” Peter doesn’t want to lie. But he doesn’t exactly want to get into anything heavy for a first date. Then he realizes that Thor is still standing in the hallway. “Shit, come in! I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be sorry, Peter. Thank you,” Thor says as he walks in, the smile never dropping from his face. Peter closes the door and walks around Thor to lead them to the couch. He doesn’t know what Thor’s plans are, but he figures that if they need to leave, Thor will speak up.

“You can sit down, if you want,” Peter gestures to the couch. The two sit at the same time.

“So. We were discussing how you have been. You were a little off yesterday, and, though I do love it, the blue hair is kind of a shock. Are you alright?”

“Well. Um, it’s kind of heavy for a first date. But I’m better now than I was yesterday. I’m definitely okay for the date,” Peter tries to sound convincing, partially for Thor but mostly for himself. He _is_ still excited and looking forward to tonight. And, all truth be told, he wouldn’t exactly oppose it if the date ended with some… well, they would just have to see what happened. Peter didn’t want to rush this, either.

“If you want to talk about anything, Peter, I certainly care about your well-being more than whatever is typical of a first date. I feel that we have already become pretty good friends, don’t you think?”

“Of course! Yes, Thor, and I appreciate that, so much. I just don’t want to put a damper on the evening, you know?”

“You could never,” Thor says seriously.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Peter reassured him. Thor’s smile returned full force.

“I really do love the hair,” Thor said with starstruck eyes. “It’s fitting of your personality.”

Peter hums, the blush remaining on his cheeks and definitely reaching up to his ears by now. “And why do you think that?”

“It may take you a while to feel comfortable with a person, but when you do, you have an amazingly snarky sense of humor. You have qualities and habits not all that unsimilar from some of Bucky’s or Tony’s, maybe even Steve sometimes. You tease, and banter, and have this drive to protect your friends and stand up for people, but no one would expect it upon first meeting you. And the hair is unexpected, but snarky. It seemingly doesn’t match you, but for that it does even more. And, on a more physical note, it looks edgy and cool, and it really does compliment your face, which is already quite amazing,” Thor flirts, which Peter has experienced, but not as blatantly and light hearted as it is right now. It makes his chest feel fluttery, but in a good way. Thor makes him feel confident and wanted in a way that he normally doesn’t feel. It’s amazing, almost like being high but with the added benefit of his normal levels of cognitive functioning.

“Well, it’s the same as it was when I last saw you, but your hair is pretty stunning, too. And the rest of you, for that matter.” Peter tries to smirk, but it may have come off as just a grin. Either way, he is proud of himself when Thor, _Thor_ , blushes at his compliment.

“Thank you, Peter,” Thor says quietly. He actually even looks down at his lap. Peter decides to take this sudden shift in dynamic and run with it.

“So, what’s the plan, Point Break?” The slight tease at his Snapchat name maintains Thor’s blush beautifully.

“Well, I was thinking we could chat for a bit and then head out for dinner.” Thor continues, “Have you ever been to the park on 7th street?”

“I haven’t. I don’t even really know if I’ve been up past… maybe 21st?” Their city certainly wasn’t as big as New York, Peter’s home, but being in college did limit the time that could be spent on exploring. He had mostly explored south, closer to the waterway. Their campus was spread out across three east-west blocks, and five north-south blocks from 31st to 36th, and their apartment was conveniently located on 34th.

“It will be a great new experience, then. Do you like Italian food?”

“Yeah,” Peter smiles again. “I like pretty much everything. If it’s edible, I’m down.”

“That’s encouraging, considering I cooked.”

“You cooked?” Peter is impressed.

“Well, partially. Natasha is helping me.” Thor looks bashful again, a look that Peter is really enjoying on him.

“Still, though. Do you like to cook normally?” Peter lets the momentary confidence he feels expand into his chest. He braces himself to flirt a little bit. “Or is it just for me?” He tries to make his smile a little flirtier too. He doesn’t know how it works out, but Thor isn’t laughing and continues blushing, so that’s good enough for him.

“I do enjoy cooking, though I’ve not ventured into many complex dishes. I generally prefer simple foods. And baking. I love to bake.”

Peter considers him for a moment. “Is that a euphemism?”

Thor’s booming laughter fills the space and it makes Peter’s heart flutter and he feels so warm. He can’t help but fall a teensy bit in love, first date or not. Thor replies, “It definitely is _not_ , though I do also enjoy smoking. But really, I like to make cookies in particular. But any baked good is fun.” Peter laughs with him. Thor continues, “What’s your favorite dessert, Peter?”

Peter considers for a while, because it is so hard to choose a favorite anything. “Well, cinnamon rolls are kind of breakfast, but they’re sweet and I love them. And a classic chocolate chip cookie can never go wrong. And I’m also a fan of cheesecake, churros… and fudge, especially around Christmas. And pies that have meringue on top.” Peter lets himself ramble just to see Thor smile some more. It’s weird that his rambling makes Thor happy, when it usually makes people uncomfortable, or get a weird pitying look on their face, like they’re sorry for how awkward he is. Thor just looks more enamored than ever.

“So, does that mean key lime? Chocolate? Banana?”

“Any of them. I just mostly like the meringue. The other flavors are a bonus.”

Thor chuckles and says, “I’ll remember that, Peter. Are you ready to head to the park?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Peter hops up to get the door for Thor and the two down to the lobby. They catch a bus which takes them close to the park, and spend the ride talking about the new Fantastic Beasts movie.

“I’m honestly so desperate for more content that I’m willing to overlook the more problematic aspects of it,” Peter says honestly, after a discussion of the potential for actual quality representation from the Dumbledore/Grindelwald relationship.

Thor laughs and agrees. “While that is true, I do kind of hate that Johnny Depp will be Grindelwald. I mean, outside of the matter of his person and what he’s done or not, he may be a good actor, but there are other good actors without the abusive history. I don’t know why they would choose him, especially after they fired the guy who played Crabbe or Goyle, whichever, for something as small as weed.”

“That bother’s me a lot too. I think Daniel Radcliffe actually said something to that effect recently. I suppose I could just not watch it out of protest. But in all honestly, I’ll probably watch it. It may be wishful thinking, but some good gay rep might make it a little more worth my while,” Peter considers.

“You remind me of Newt, too. Another good reason to see it.” Thor bumps Peter’s shoulder with his own and smiles.

“Because he mumbles and is awkward?”

Thor frowns. Peter is starting to understand, Thor frowns when he is self-deprecating. But that’s like 34% of his entire personality. He’ll have to work on it for Thor’s sake. “Peter, think very hard and tell me if you honestly think I would ever say or think that of you?”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Peter says, not quite whining but definitely feeling like he did as a kid when May had caught him staying up late to read books when she had told him to go to bed.

“Why do you think that you remind me of Newt?”

“I… don’t know?” Peter tries to lighten the mood and joke a little. “I can’t exactly read your mind, your hair is so shiny it deflects my telepathic powers.” He wiggles his fingers like he is casting magic, and Thor does grin slightly. But he still looks serious.

“I mean it Peter. Try to put yourself in my shoes.”

Peter does, and he feels extremely self-conscious about it. Thor thinks… well, he thinks that Peter is amazing. Which is a weird perspective for Peter to take. Newt is quiet, sure. Awkward, but in a cutesy way. And he mumbles, but it’s not because he’s bad at talking but more like he doesn’t always think he should speak loudly. He speaks quietly to the animals, and he is polite. That is, until something becomes important, like protecting the creatures. Then he gets very protective, a little louder. He is confident where Peter is not. But his confidence comes in moments of need, like when he does that ridiculous mating dance thing. Peter still finds it hilarious to think of it as Eddie Redmayne just acting incredibly silly for that scene. But what does Thor think is similar between him and Newt?

“He’s… quiet. So am I. But when we say something, it’s…” he falters. He looks to Thor. He really had tried, and now he feels like he’s failed. But when he looks, Thor is back to smiling. It reassures him.

“ _Significant_.” Thor finishes for him. “The times you speak are made more significant by the times you don’t. Because when you do speak, I know, coming from you, it’s already been vetted and considered with the utmost care. Newt speaks up when he cares the most. And so do you. That’s why I’m not afraid to flirt with you. Because I know I’m important to you. You talk to me so openly compared to some. And _you_ flirt with _me_. You have no idea the confidence that gives me. _You_ give me.” Thor is blushing again, beautifully. And Peter get’s where he is coming from.

“That’s so sweet of you to say. I kind of just thought you were more confident than me to begin with. I still think you are. But I’m happy that you… that I make you feel that way. You make me more confident, too. It goes both ways.”

“I’m glad it does,” Thor takes a breath, like he’s steeling himself for what comes next, “But when you continue to put yourself down, it’s almost like you’re insulting my judgment. When you made that comment, you knew that I would never say something like that. Why would you?”

“Why would I say that?” Peter is a little shocked by where this conversation has gone. It’s not exactly happy date material.

“Yes. Why would you say that?”

Peter tries his hardest not to sound too petrified. Despite everything, he still feels pretty good in terms of anxiety, but wow, Thor is putting him on the spot here. “I guess… I just find that kind of thing funny, in a dark sort of way. My humor is quippy and fun usually, but also kind of self-deprecating, at times. I would never think of you as mean, I don’t think you would make fun of me ever, especially for my anxiety. But things like that just pop into my head, and sometimes it’s impulsivity and sometimes not. But I never meant to insult your judgment.”

“Well, I’ve decided to like you. A lot. So maybe stop insulting you and I won’t think that,” Thor pokes at his ribs, smiling, and Peter thinks this signifies the end of their weird not-argument discussion thing. He giggles at Thor’s poke because it tickles, and god, _that_ was a mistake because Thor got a look in his face that was frankly _evil_ and Peter just knew that Thor was saving that information away for later.

It didn’t bother him as much as it should, though.

Thor looked up and swore, shocking Peter. “Damn it! We missed our stop.” Peter laughed a little. He pushed the button and the two got up to head to the door and wait for the next stop.

“How much did we miss it by?” Peter asked.

“Uh…” Thor looks at the map above the door. “Three stops. Do you mind a little walk?” he asks as the bus slows down.

Peter hops off, followed closely by Thor. He turns to his date, and Thor is actually frowning again, looking worried. Peter would love more than anything to permanently forget what that looks like.

“I don’t mind the walk. Lead the way, Point Break.” It works. Thor is smiling. They fall in step, and Peter actually reaches out for Thor’s hand. Thor squeezes their hands and there’s a little more pep in his step for a few moments. They walk in silence for about a block, until Peter realizes how cold it’s gotten, and he shivers. Thor is instantaneous in his reaction, reaching his arm around Peter’s shoulder and drawing him close. Peter puts his arm around Thor’s waist in return. He is marginally warmer, but he is very much regretting not wearing a jacket, still. He feels dumb for wishing it, but his little hopeless romantic heart is irrationally hoping for Thor’s jacket. He knows Thor would give it to him in a heartbeat, but he’ll never ask, and he’ll probably try to decline a few times if Thor offers. But it’s still nice to think about. They walk like this for another block before it begins.

“Are you too cold, Peter?”

“I’m okay when you hold me like this,” Peter takes the opportunity to flirt, emboldened by all the events thus far.

“Cute, but I’m serious,” Thor says with a chuckle. He removes his arm, which causes Peter to make a disgruntled sound. They pause and move off to the side slightly. “Here, I’m wearing two. You should have one.” He takes off the vest and the pullover, puts the vest back on and holds the pullover out to Peter.

“I’m fine, just cuddle me when we get to the park,” Peter attempts, but Thor isn’t having it. He thrusts the pullover into Peter’s hands and Peter tries to act indifferent, but he blushes and definitely grins a little and Thor just looks so smug. Peter can’t really be mad about it though. It’s not his fault that if he tried to give Thor one of his own jackets, Thor would probably rip it on one of his biceps. He still has enough pride to try and look a little disgruntled, though.

“I’ll still cuddle you at the park, don’t worry,” Thor smiles and wraps an arm back around him once he puts on the pullover. It’s warm and smells like Thor, and Peter is so damn happy that he didn’t wear a jacket. They resume their walking and another block later, they arrive at the park.

Upon walking in a little ways, they find a clear space half-surrounded by thick ombú trees. It’s nearing darkness so it’s hard to see, but Peter notices Natasha is sitting on a blanket with a picnic basket. She immediately takes in Peter’s hair, to which he of course blushes and looks down at his feet.

“It’s about damn time. What took you two so long, were you ogling each other’s hair?”

“Some time was spent doing that, but we actually missed our bus stop,” Thor responds playfully.

“Good conversation?” She asks with a smirk.

“Only the best,” Thor shoots back. “Thank you, Natasha for your help with this.”

“Only for you two,” she says, and it holds some warning to it. She directs her words to Peter now, “You tell me if he fucks anything up, Peter. And don’t let him take more than 60% credit for that pasta dish.”

“Alright, Natasha. Thank you, again, so much,” Thor says, a little tightly. Peter wants to laugh, because he knows that Natasha is dragging this out just to mess with Thor. As it is, he smiles widely.

“You’re very welcome. I’ll be seeing you, Peter, I can’t wait to hear about the rest of the date,” she says as she starts to walk away. She winks as she passes him, and Peter actually does laugh that time.

Thor tugs Peter down to the blanket and then gets out the food stuff. There’s a lantern in the basket too, which is set out on the far end of the blanket. They eat, a pasta dish with chicken and some type of tomato sauce, garlic bread, and sautéed vegetables. It’s simple but delicious. All the while they talk about lighter topics: Harry Potter again, classes, Peter’s job at the newspaper, and Thor’s jobs as a teaching assistant for Intro to Women’s studies and working lights and electrical at a local theater, both of which somehow produce an abundance of funny stories. Dessert is a panna cotta raspberry jelly thing, and Peter is _very_ impressed. Maybe he just has a sweet tooth, though.

After dessert, Thor pulls out a thermos of hot chocolate, which Peter is very grateful for. He snuggles up to Thor’s side and they look out over the rest of the park, which is very pretty, even in the dark. Thor’s arm is around him as they both huddle around the hot chocolate and pass it back and forth.

“I’m sorry for the weather. It’s colder than I had anticipated,” Thor says quietly. Peter can’t see it, but he’s sure Thor is blushing and possibly frowning.

“Don’t be sorry. This is nice,” Peter reassures him.

“And it’s dark. We should have left sooner,” Thor mutters the last part under his breath, like he’s berating himself.

“Hey. What did we say about being hard on ourselves? I’m having a great time, Thor. This is wonderful. Cold, dark, whatever. You made me a great dinner, we’ve talked about a million things, and I really love cuddling you. No harm done,” Peter states decisively, squeezing Thor’s middle a little tighter.

“But-” Thor starts but Peter cuts him off.

“Are you about to insult my judgment, here?” Peter smirks, knowing he has won this one.

“Hm. You’ve got me there. Well, I’m glad you’re happy,” Thor says as he looks down at Peter.

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Are you happy? I am, but are you?” Even in the dark, Peter can see how blue Thor’s eyes are. Their faces are so close.

“I’m very happy, Peter.” There’s a moment of silence that seems to simultaneously stretch out forever and be over as soon as it starts. Then Thor is closing the distance and _they’re kissing,_ and it’s the best kiss Peter thinks he’s ever experienced, and Thor’s arm around his shoulders is hugging him closer, and the other hand comes up to cradle his face. Peter’s own hand comes up to tangle in Thor’s hair gently. He feels weightless, bouncy, carefree and like the physical embodiment of light. This moment is amazing. The moon is bright, the air is clean, the blanket is soft, and _Thor just nibbled on his lip, dear GOD how is this his life right now?_

Peter doesn’t feel any anxiety. Kissing, he can handle. Kissing Thor, he is thriving. This moment is perfect. And it doesn’t stop, until they both need a little air. They break apart and Thor rests his forehead on Peter’s. Peter could swear there’s a spark of electricity connecting them.

“Yes, I’m so happy, Peter.” Peter squeezes Thor’s hand. In this moment, everything is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the characters we already have are:
> 
> The Juniors: Peter, Shuri, Ned, MJ, Clint
> 
> The Seniors: Bucky, Tony, Steve, Nat, Thor, Wade
> 
> Two years graduated: Sam, who for some reason owns a salon/barber shop, idk where the fuck that idea came from but it happened-maybe he majored in business?; Pepper was very briefly mentioned and I think I'll put her here? 
> 
>  
> 
> The other characters who I want to involve in this story are:
> 
> More juniors: Carol Danvers (Captain Marvel), Valkyrie
> 
> More Seniors: Loki, Peter Quill, Gamora, Bruce
> 
> More old farts (two years graduated): let's just throw rhodey in here because i like him a lot too
> 
> Some smol friends (freshmen): NTW and Yukio (!!!!), maybe ant-man and wasp as sophomores??
> 
>  
> 
> Are there more characters you guys would like to see?
> 
> Any interactions you're particularly fond of?
> 
> I want to write some good-natured Loki pranks for sure. I'm also a fan of Peter Q. pining after Gamora. Also, Carol and Valkryie are my bisexual queens (who needs canon?) and they're gonna be like, campus power-couple I think. 
> 
> I know they haven't had class or anything but do you guys picture them in a certain city/uni? just out of curiosity. and maybe inspiration for geographical context lol


	7. A Night to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT IS HERE. The whole chapter isn't smut, so if you're not into that, maybe skip the latter half after they make out on the couch. Once they get to the bedroom it's pretty X rated.

Eventually, they clean up from the picnic and head back to the bust stop. Peter’s clothes are a little rumpled and he may have a hickey or two, but it’s dark so who even cares. He’s still reeling from making out with Thor. The ride is mostly silent, and Thor keeps an arm around Peter and covers Peter’s hand with his free one, stroking his thumb up and down the back of Peter’s hand. It’s so hypnotic that Peter doesn’t even notice they’ve arrived at home until Thor starts to stand up. Thor just smiles at the surprised look on his face though, and they head inside. In the elevator, Thor talks quietly.

“Natasha and Clint live near that park, or at least, nearer than us, so she let me cook at her apartment and offered to set up for us. She and Clint are very…” he trails off and Peter smiles, knowing what he’s getting at.

“Happy? To see us going on a date.”

“I was going to say nosy, but more or less.” Thor smiles and waves the hand flippantly that isn’t holding the basket. Peter tucks the blanket closer to his chest and smiles, too. Peter follows Thor to his apartment. He is carrying the blanket, after all.

“Please come in,” Thor says as he reaches in his pocket for the key. “I’m not trying to be suggestive in any way, I just don’t want the night to end yet.” He smiles his sparkly smile and pushes the door open for Peter to go first.

Thor’s apartment, unshockingly, is quite similar to Peter’s in structure and layout. There are slightly fewer decorations, but they seem to be a little more personable than his own. Pictures of their friend group litter the apartment, in frames on coffee tables, taped on walls, in stacks on the counter. Shuri has pictures of her and the girls as well as her and Peter, and Peter has a few of himself with May, or Shuri or Ned and MJ, but nowhere near this many. It’s heartwarming, and after setting the blanket down on the couch, he get’s distracted by a stack on the coffee table.

Thor returns form the kitchen, having put away all the picnic materials. “Ah, yes, we do love to take pictures together. It results in a frankly unnecessary amount of prints, but I can never bring myself to say no.” He comes up behind Peter and Peter leans into him slightly.

“Who are these people? I haven’t met them yet.” He holds up a picture with a two brunettes, a girl and a boy. They’re at some sort of research presentation and their project, from what Peter can see in the picture, is about… ants?

“That would be Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne. They’re sophomores. Clint found them last year and they’re not quite… part of the group entirely, though we have become friends. I don’t say that like it’s an exclusive thing, just that, they’re still becoming friends with everyone. Not unlike yourself. They are quite busy, Scott in particular” Thor places a hand on Peter’s hip and Peter tries not to swoon. He was just making out with the man less than an hour ago, he should be able to handle a simple touch.

“And the group likes them?”

“Oh yes. Scott is hilarious. He has a particular affinity for making everyone feel like they matter as much as anyone else. He names the ants he researches, which we all think is an extension of that.”

“Wow,” Peter laughs, but he is kind of charmed. “And Hope? What’s she like?”

“There are few words sufficient, but one of them is _badass_. Like Natasha, she is extremely intimidating. But she has a huge heart. She acts aloof, but her emotional investment is something to be coveted. When she cares, she invests in it as much as she possibly can, and then some.”

“Wow. I’d like to meet them.” Peter flips to the next photo and finds the same man, Scott, this time with a small toddler in his arms. It looks like a girl, probably no more than two years old. Thor answers him before his question is even formed.

“Ah yes. Cassie. What a joy she is. Scott found himself and an ex-girlfriend expecting a child in their senior year of high school, and when she couldn’t care for the child, he took full custody. She wasn’t a bad person at all, it just wasn’t what she needed or wanted in her life and, perhaps that is subjective, but Scott stepped forward. He raises Cassie while going to school here. It’s one of the most impressive feats I’ve ever seen. That’s why he’s busy all the time, too. And, though he and Hope are not yet together, she helps with Cassie an inordinate amount.”

“Yet?” Peter smirks at Thor’s phrasing.

“Oh, we all hope they’ll get together. Hope would keep Scott in line and he would help her relax and have a little fun sometimes. They act like a couple already and are practically raising a child together. But, I don’t want to rush them, so I’m content to adore from afar for now,” Thor chuckles. Peter flips to the next picture in the stack. In this one, there are two girls, one looking very disgruntled and the other smiling sweetly.

“I know her! Yukio. She’s in an intro engineering class that I was a TA for. Sweet girl,” Peter remembers. He doesn’t really talk much to her or any of the freshmen really, but she is incredibly polite and hardworking, especially for an intro class. She’s very cute and smiles a lot.

“Yes, Wade actually introduced us. Supposedly he and this girl, Ellie, though she prefers to be called Sonic, stayed at the same foster home for a while, when he was in high school and she in middle school. They were separated but reconnected here. She’s dating Yukio. It’s a bit of a strange pairing, but it’s the most adorable thing I can think of,” Thor gushes. “They balance each other so well. And they are hilarious. Very fun to party with. They’re younger than all of us but can outdrink almost everyone, somehow. I don’t think that’s healthy,” Thor frowns slightly, but seems to think _oh well_ and his face relaxes. “Maybe it isn’t, but nonetheless, they’re here and thriving, so there’s that.”

Peter laughs and flips to the next picture. It’s a group photo, and everyone is wearing ugly Christmas sweaters. But they’re outside and it’s a gorgeous day, and there’s leaves on the trees in the background. Peter is about to ask when Thor explains.

“Christmas in July! A lot of us go our separate ways for summer but we use this as an excuse to get together.” Thor smiles at the memory. Sam, Pepper, Rhodey, Scott with Cassie and Hope, now Yukio and Sonic, and the usual gang are all there.

“It seems like it would be incredibly sweaty,” Peter remarks. Everyone in the photo is flushed.

“Oh it’s miserable. We all take off the sweaters as soon as we get there and only put them on for the photos,” Thor chuckles.

“Does your roommate not come? Wade?” Peter asks. He hasn’t seen anyone who could be Wade in any of the pictures yet. He still doesn’t even know what Wade looks like.

“Wade prefers to be behind the camera.” Thor says, slightly awkwardly. He brushes it off though. “We held his sweater in the front, see where Yukio has it?” He points, and indeed Yukio is holding up a Wade-less sweater.

“Is he a photographer? I’ve never seen him around the photo department,” Peter says. He isn’t a photography student, but he has taken a few classes and the newspaper is part of the same floor in the same building.

“No, he just doesn’t like to be in pictures. Look, here’s a beach trip that we took after last semester,” Thor is quick to flip to the next photo and Peter is a little confused, but if he doesn’t want to talk about Wade then Peter won’t force him. The beach photo is funny, somehow Tony has climbed up on Steve’s shoulders and Bucky looks like he is mid-throw with a volleyball aimed at Tony from behind.

They look at more photos, and Thor tells some stories, and it makes Peter very glad to have become a part of this group. He looks forward to having stories where he is a part. He is pleased that he feels that way; typically he is more than content to stay out of the action. But now he is excited at the prospect of being friends with these people.

Eventually they get through the stack. Thor then sits down on the couch and tugs Peter by the hand to sit with him. Peter sits close enough to lean on Thor, who places his hand on Peter’s thigh, a very respectable distance down and only slightly to the inside.

“Would you like to listen to some music?” Thor says quietly.

“Sure. What kind of music do you like?”

“All kinds. I’m particularly fond of anything with an instrument that seems out of place,” he says as he fiddles with his phone. Music starts pouring from a speaker across the room, and Peter get’s what he means. The music sounds like a mix of pop and hip hop, but there is a prominent banjo and what sounds like a mandolin playing. It’s unexpected, but not unpleasant.

“This is… interesting. I like it,” Peter says.

“We can listen to your music, too, if you like,” Thor murmurs, turning his head to be closer to Peter’s.

“Next time,” Peter says sincerely. He breathes in the moment, and the closeness.

Thor breathes deeply. His mouth turns into Peter’s hair, and rests there in some semblance of a kiss. When he pulls back, he speaks quietly still. “Peter, I would never want to pressure you or make you feel like this is moving too fast. But… can we kiss again?” Peter knows there’s the question of more with that, but they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it. For now, he breathes out _“Yes,”_ and turns his head to meet Thor’s lips with his.

It's lazy and peaceful at first. They shift, and Peter puts his legs up across Thor’s lap. He isn’t sitting in Thor’s lap, but his knees are bent over Thor’s thighs and Thor pulls their torso’s close, his own at an angle to match Peter. Their tongues explore but not overwhelmingly. There are some light nibbles, there’s a little sucking, but nothing is rushed. It’s perfect.

But. Peter knows that he’s okay with more tonight. So, gently, he breaks apart from Thor and opens his eyes to meet Thor’s. He doesn’t quite push, but gives a nudge at Thor’s shoulder, kind of… suggesting that he move in the direction to lay down under him. Thor hesitates, looking confused at first.

“You okay?” Peter asks.

“I am. Is this what you want?” Thor has a renewed spark in his eye.

“Thor, I’m the one pushing, here,” Peter chuckles.

“Just checking,” Thor actually winks.

“Me too. So we’re on the same page?” Peter grins.

“It seems so.” Thor’s eyes change from sparkling to practically crackling with energy. He looks at Peter like… something between the angel Gabriel coming to talk to Joseph and the most delicious meal he has ever seen. It’s odd, but kind of a turn on, to see Thor so… intimidated? But not in a nervous or unsure kind of way. And he just so clearly _wanted_ Peter. He looked at Peter like he was something delectable.

“Okay, then,” Peter said decisively, and he finally _pushed_ , and Thor moved under him, laying on the couch with Peter settling between his legs. Peter surged up to kiss him again and Thor immediately grasped Peter’s hips, and already that was the greatest feeling. His hands were so _big,_ and he was practically clinging on for dear life. Their hips weren’t quite aligned yet, but Peter took the leap and shifted enough that he could grind down.

Thor gasped and his breaths from that point were a lot quicker. Peter didn’t push it too fast, enjoying the buildup, but every so often he would roll his hips. After a little while, he paused in their kissing and gave a bit of an exaggerated roll. Thor groaned, quietly, like he was trying not to make a lot of noise. His head tilted back, and Peter took the opportunity to kiss across Thor’s jaw, just light pecks, until he got to Thor’s neck. There, where his jaw and the soft flesh of his neck meet, is where Peter sucks. Not too hard yet, but as a transition spot. From there, he moves down to the pulse point and starts to leave what is sure to be a gorgeous mark. He hopes Thor doesn’t mind. As it is, he doesn’t object and actually pushes his hips up into Peter, so Peter takes it as encouragement and rolls his hips slowly and consistently while he sucks and licks the soft skin on Thor’s neck. When he’s satisfied with that spot, he shifts down to Thor’s collarbone, peppering kisses along the way and pushing the collar of his shirt out of the way. He sets about to leave an identical mark here, and Thor groans again, more loudly this time. After a few minutes of this, Peter becomes acutely aware that his jeans are too tight, but he doesn’t want to rush this. So he instead reaches for the button’s of Thor’s shirt, pausing to check in with Thor and waiting for his nod. At that, Peter starts to unbutton him. He sits back on his knees a little bit, so he can follow his hands with kisses down Thor’s chest.

When it’s all unbuttoned, he slides his hands from Thor’s hips up to his pecs and then back down his sides, stopping just above his hips, gripping lightly but firmly. He’s still kissing across Thor’s chest, dropping down to his abs and just above the glorious _V_ that disappears into Thor’s jeans. Thor doesn’t seem to know what to do with hands, currently holding one over his chest and the other barely reaching out to Peter’s shoulder. Peter shifts, moving as if pulled by Thor’s hand, back up to kiss Thor’s lips again, then he sits up to rest back on his heels.

He removes his own shirt, only unbuttoning enough to be able to pull the shirt over his head. It’s clumsy, and he’s getting impatient and he feels awkward because normally the _other_ guy undresses _him_ , but this feels so right that he is sort of taking control here. Thor giggles and sits up to help him get the shirt off without breaking the buttons. Peter smiles, accepting the change in mood from tense to lighthearted. He’s still sitting back on his heels between Thor’s legs, now with Thor sitting up with his arms around Peter’s middle and their foreheads touching. Thor’s chest is as beautiful as the rest of him. Then, the look on Thor’s face changed to something unexpected. It took Peter a few seconds too long to place why the look was familiar, and before he could, Thor’s hands retracted from behind him back to his sides and started _tickling_. Peter immediately cackled, and all his muscles tensed up, and he squirmed uncontrollably.

“Thor! Thor- ha ha oh my god- no, oh god- stop, ahaha Thor! God, aha ha oh god, Thor, please-” Thor finally relents, and it feels like it’s been ten minutes but in reality, it’s probably been less than thirty seconds. Thor is laughing, at his normal booming volume, and Peter realizes that they’ve shifted so that _he_ is now on his back underneath of Thor. He’s breathless, panting heavily, and staring up at Thor, smiling despite the tickling. Thor has his hands braced on either side of Peter’s face and his knees bracketing Peter’s thighs. Smiling hugely, he leans down and gives a sweet kiss on the lips, no tongue but still intimate. It’s a transition point.

“Thor.” Peter stares up at him, not particularly trying to look cute or seductive, but surely his position is causing some puppy-eyes.

“Yes, Peter?” Thor is enamored, barely breathing his answer, even after the full-volume laugh just moments ago.

“Can we… move this to your bedroom?”

“You never cease to amaze me, Peter. Who would have thought you’d be the point person for this,” Thor chuckles. He sit’s up and pulls Peter’s hands to help him sit up. He stands up and pulls Peter to his feet and smiles softly at him, their hands still linked.

“You’re officially on my list of non-anxiety inducing people. At least, not the bad kind. I still get, like, butterflies or whatever. But I don’t get paralyzing fear with you. And I kind of like this taking point thing. Though I’d be okay with a more even split,” he says, squeezing Thor’s hands. Thor beams and it makes Peter want to smile wider, so he does. Thor leans down and kisses him sweetly again, then tugs his hand and leads him down the hallway. Their shirts are left abandoned on the couch. They go into the room at the far end of the hall, and they pass by a closed door that must be Wade’s. Peter’s distracted for a moment, wondering if he’s just out or if Thor had anticipated this and asked him to go out, or if he was in there and just wasn’t hearing them or was ignoring them. His distraction didn’t last long, though, because he was in Thor’s room now. It was simple, but nice-looking. There are more pictures, artfully arranged in various frames. The bed is made neatly, there are curtains on the windows, and a lamp in the corner emitting a soft glow. Peter would almost say the space is _elegant_. Then Thor is tugging him to the bed and they resume their horizontal making out, this time with more urgency. Peter is on top again and is steadily grinding into Thor. He had softened a bit in the transition, but now he could feel his cock straining hard against his jeans. To be quite honest, now that the moment of truth is actually here and any minute they’re probably going to take off their pants, he’s a little insecure that, despite being ever-so-slightly above average himself, compared to Thor he would look miniscule.

Thor takes his mind off of it by grinding up with particularly good timing in that moment, right as he goes down, and it’s heavenly. They both moan and gasp, and though Peter is holding together okay, Thor seems to be coming apart rather quickly. Peter decides to use that to his advantage, intimidation be damned. He kisses his way back down Thor’s neck and chest, smoothing his hands over the large, tense muscles along the way. He pauses at Thor’s nipples, just giving one a quick kiss with a barely-there suck, just to gauge Thor’s reaction, which is to buck his hips up practically off the bed. So, Peter goes to town on Thor’s left nipple, bringing his hand up to fiddle with the other. He sucks, rolls his tongue over the nub, nibbles, and repeats. When Thor is shaking and trembling, he switches sides, careful not to be too harsh with his hand on the freshly abused nipple. While he goes to town with his mouth, he lets that other hand smooth along Thor’s abdomen, and dip slightly under the waistband of his pants every little bit. Thor is practically vibrating, and his breathing is rapid and shallow, with an occasional deep gasp. One of his hands has crept up and threaded through Peter’s hair where his head cover’s Thor’s pec.

“Peter!” Peter raises his head to look at Thor, who has his eyes closed and head thrown back. “If you keep going like this, we won’t have much time doing anything else.” _Wow_. Peter didn’t think it was possible, but he definitely just got harder thinking about the possibilities. Nonetheless, Peter took his cue and finally kept kissing down Thor’s abdomen, giving him some time to breathe. As he got to the _delectable_ V between Thor’s hips, he let his hands run down and up the outside of Thor’s thighs, applying a light pressure to go with his kissing. His feet were on the floor now, and he was bent over the foot of the bed, with Thor’s feet dangling off of it by about a foot. Thor seemed to be calming himself down, and his breathing leveled out just as Peter began to suck a lingering kiss on Thor’s hip bone. Thor’s breathing didn’t pick up, but he did tense up in his thighs-Peter could feel it under his hands. He took this as a good moment to try and remove some clothes.

When his hands left Thor’s thighs, Thor’s head popped up and he looked confused until he saw where Peter’s hands were going instead. He smiled as Peter undid the button on his jeans and unzipped them. Peter was already noticing just how huge he was, and he was probably dramatizing it, but it sure was nerve-wracking in the moment. Thor lifted his hips to help Peter remove his pants, then he sat up. Peter had been about to go for his underwear, so he was confused at first, but Thor reached and looped his fingers in Peter’s belt loops and tugged him forward, which- _wow_ , that shouldn’t be as sexy as it is. Thor kissed him to distract him while he also unbuttoned and unzipped Peter’s jeans.

“You should get comfy, too, love,” he whispered at Peter’s ear, to which Peter nearly moaned aloud. Then Thor kissed the soft sport between his jaw and neck, just under his ear, and he did moan loudly. Thor slipped his hands down Peter’s pants in the back, pushing his jeans down and grabbing his ass with a gentle but firm squeeze. Peter tried to kick his feet to get the pants the rest of the way off, and to his great disappointment, Thor’s hands left his ass to help with the pants. Soon enough they were back, though, squeezing and practically massaging while Thor proceeded to suck and nibble and kiss at that same soft spot. Peter was sure he would have a highly visible hickey, and Shuri was going to have a field day with that one.

Thor shifted himself to put his butt closer to the edge of the bed and bring Peter closer to him. Peter was standing up, so he actually was taller than Thor in this position, and he was able to cradle the back of his head and tangle his hand in Thor’s hair, the other hand wrapped around Thor’s shoulder to hold him flush against Peter’s chest. Thor had one hand still on Peter’s ass, just holding him close, and the other running up and down the back of his thigh, soothing from the top of his knee all the way up to the sensitive spot where ass meets thigh. Peter was tenting his boxers obnoxiously, as was Thor, and Peter decided he wanted to get more horizontal again.

He moved his hands and gently pushed on Thor’s shoulders, who got the message and scooted back onto the bed. Peter crawled to meet him, and Thor’s eyes and smile widened.

“You have no idea how sexy that looked, Peter,” he said in a raspy voice. Peter was more than a little proud of himself for how much of an effect he was having on Thor. He was still nervous, but he was gaining confidence with every passing minute, every new piece of evidence that Thor found him arousing and sexy.

“Just you wait, Thor,” Peter said levelly. He crawled and loomed above Thor for a few seconds, just looking at his face and gently letting his own crotch rest on Thor’s. Thor’s eyes were dark and his breathing was shallow. When Peter bends down to kiss Thor, he grinds his hips teasingly before pulling back. Thor gives a wonderful whine and Peter smirks, knowing what he is planning. Without much more hesitation, he returns to kissing at Thor’s hips and brings his hands up to pull down Thor’s boxers. As soon as his cock is freed, Peter takes a good portion of it in his mouth and sucks, hard.

“ _Fuck!_ Peter, god, fuck…” Thor is reduced to rambling almost immediately. Peter continues to suck, bobbing up and down a little and trying to generate a lot of saliva. Thor babbles on above him and seems to not know what to do with his hands. When one comes close enough, Peter reaches and grabs it, still holding Thor’s dick in his mouth, and brings Thor’s hand to his hair. Thor moans and swears again, tugging lightly at Peter’s hair. Peter moans at that, and Thor almost bucks his hips at the vibrations, Peter’s own hands holding his hips down enough for him to control himself.

From there, Peter goes to town. He uses his hand to jack what he can’t reach, but every few seconds, he goes a little further. He knows that he gives a good blowjob, and he’s kind of proud of the skill. But is has been a while, so it takes some getting used to in order to be able to do what he normally can. By the time he can get his lips almost all the way down Thor’s cock, Thor’s breathing is shuddery, and he has one arm thrown over his head, the other still holding Peter’s hair, not hard, just present. Peter can tell Thor is close, so he raises off and gives him a second. Thor exhales slowly. Peter lets him breath once more, and then all at once deep throats him and presses on his perineum with his thumb. He makes his throat go completely slack and holds his breath for as long as he can, and Thor is a mess above him, swearing and breathing heavy. Finally, he lets his throat constrict and try to swallow around Thor, nearly enough to make him gag but not quite, and moans with as much vibration as he can muster. His thumb is still pressing Thor’s perineum and he let’s the knuckle of his middle finger just barely push against Thor’s rim and-

“Peter!” Thor growls, right as he comes. Peter pulls off, trying to keep his throat closed enough not to choke, and it’s a near thing. He still manages to catch most of Thor’s load in his mouth, with some of it spilling on his chin. Again, he hadn’t done this in a while, so he hadn’t prepared for the whole spit-or-swallow situation and he took a split moment to decide to swallow, since there wasn’t really any place to spit. Thor watched him, and Peter could see Thor’s dick twitch as he did. Then he was abruptly yanked by the armpits up to Thor’s chest, a slightly sticky feeling between them where some drops of come mixed with sweat, and Thor was kissing him, his tongue moving deeply in Peter’s mouth, tasting himself, and then pulling back to suck on Peter’s lip, nearly bruising it. He went back and forth, and now it was Peter’s turn to be breathless because _this_ was the hottest thing, he had every experienced, Thor so eager to taste himself, kissing Peter’s chin where come had dripped down and sucking on his tongue, biting his lips and laving his tongue all over them. Peter was grinding down and his dick was almost painfully hard.

“Hold on just a moment,” Thor said suddenly, pulling back as he had a moment of inspiration. He turned them slightly, putting his arm out as a pillow for Peter and laying them on their sides. Then he slipped his legs between Peter’s and gently reached down to push Peter’s dick between his legs, right under his balls. The whole area was reasonably slick from all the spit from Peter’s blowjob, but spit only stays slick for so long. Nonetheless, the small bit of dryness or sticking wasn’t bothersome, and Thor encouraged Peter to move forward, fucking into his legs.

“That’s it, Peter. Keep going,” Thor moaned. He was getting hard again, and his dick was brushing up against Peter’s abdomen every time Peter thrust into the tight space between his thighs. He squeezed enough that it felt blissful, and Peter was getting close.

“This is okay with you? I’m close,” Peter just wanted to check.

“Oh babe, it’s perfect,” Thor panted, “I’m close too.” He had already gotten hard again, and Peter decided to kick things up one last time for now. He bent his torso a bit to reach and shifted where he needed to-still fucking Thor’s thighs, he closed his lips around Thor’s nipple, sucking and biting and licking as much as he possibly could, and using his fingers to pinch and swirl the other. His own hips sped up and he imagined that he wasn’t just fucking Thor’s legs, but that he was _inside_ Thor, with such tight heat and muscle, and he fucked faster and faster, Thor coming apart beneath him like he was now, moaning and almost shouting, cursing and babbling his name, and those endearments-

“Peter, love, oh god fuck Peter that’s so good babe, so good, love don’t stop!” Peter felt his own balls seizing up and he was so, so close. So he sucked even harder for a few more seconds and then surged up to kiss Thor, pinching extra hard on his other nipple at the same moment that he thrusted for the final time, releasing his load between Thor’s legs. Thor did actually shout against Peter’s lips now, bucking his hips to meet Peter’s thrust and coming for the second time, this time all over Peter’s abdomen. Peter was amazed-Thor hadn’t come completely untouched, but he didn’t have a lot of stimulation on his dick that time, it had really only been brushing against Peter’s abs. His hands had found Peter’s ass again and when he came, he squeezed, probably hard enough to leave bruises, which made Peter strangely giddy to think about. In the moment that followed, both men were a little floaty, not quite aware of their surroundings, and slowly coming down from the high of a lifetime.

Peter let himself relax, sliding down and tucking his head under Thor’s chin. As his mind came back, he started to notice how sticky they were. Reluctantly, he pushed himself up, kissing Thor when he objected by trying to hold Peter down.

“Just one sec, babe,” he said with a gentle shove. He went to the box of tissues that was on the dresser and pulled out a few, cleaning up his abdomen and his chin and mouth, which were still wet with spit. Then he went to Thor and cleaned up his legs, then gently wiped the wet area around his nipple. Thor whimpered a little as he did that, and he tried even harder to be gentle. As he finished, he kissed the center of Thor’s sternum, then rose up and gently wiped Thor’s mouth, as well. He laid the tissues on the floor next to the bed and crawled back in, pulling Thor slightly to the right so he wasn’t laying directly on the wet spot where his legs had been. He was about to get back into their previous position when Thor moved of his own accord and tucked himself into Peter’s chest. Peter’s arm rested with plenty of space under Thor’s neck with Thor’s head on the pillow, and he was able to hug him close in a front-to-front kind of cuddle. Thor slipped one of his legs between Peter’s, and shoved his lower arm under Peter’s armpit, and threw the other over his waist. It shouldn’t have been as comfortable as it was, but they made it work. Peter kind of liked how Thor felt in his arms, almost small. Like something to be protected and cared for. He felt very needed in that moment, like Thor’s comfort entirely depended on him. It was intoxicating. He let his lips fall onto Thor’s hair, and his top arm drew circles on Thor’s back. Thor sighed, long and content.

“That was amazing, Peter. You’re amazing.” Thor kissed Peter’s chest where his faced was pressed up against Peter’s pec.

“Agreed. You’re remarkable, Thor.” Peter kissed his hair, and he could feel Thor’s smile against his chest as it grew to match his own.


	8. Almost Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hm. So I had different plans for this but then the more minor parts of the chapter developed into almost 5k words, so I cut if off (unfortunately before the intro of Wade and Loki, but there are name drops!). Anyway, here's some poly talk, some Stuckony and Peter bonding, and some big group bonding. This all takes place the monday night after Peter's date. just assume they've all done what homework they needed to do.

“So who topped?” Tony asked, like he was asking Peter what he got on a homework question. Peter choked. Violently. Soda got sprayed all over the corner booth table, Tony looked mildly amused, Steve was glaring at Tony, and Bucky seemed to be waiting for Peter’s reaction and quickly assessing and implementing damage control. Peter quickly grabbed up what dry napkins he found to wipe off his mouth and some of the table. He looked around nervously, hoping to high heaven that nobody in the restaurant had seen that. They were in public, geez.

“I’m so sorry, Steve, Bucky-” he begins, standing a moment to snag some napkins out of a container on the next table over.

“Peter, you don’t have to apologize, it’s Tony’s fault for being an ass.” Steve has his elbow on the table (resting on a napkin) and his head leaning on his fist, exasperated with Tony.

Bucky joins in, adding, “Yeah, Tones shouldn’t be asking questions like that,” with an accompanying _thump_ to the back of Tony’s head.

Tony simply looked aloof and smirked. “Maybe not while he has soda in his mouth at least. So, Peter, how did it go down? Or better yet, who went down?” He waggled his eyebrows and Peter groaned, hiding his face in his arms, stickiness be damned.

“Tony, don’t be a perv,” Steve berated again.

“Come on Capsicle, don’t you wanna know, just a teensy bit?” Steve sighed with the weight of the world.

“That’s not any of my business unless Peter wants to tell me, Tones.”

“We didn’t fuck,” Peter squeaks out.

“Wait, what? You spent the night!” Bucky exclaimed.

“We, uh… did plenty, just not fucking?” Peter offered, feeling more and more awkward by the second. Tony’s open-mouth stare and Steve plainly diverting his attention and staring diagonally and up were not helping.

“Well why the fuck not? You two are both sex on two legs, what stopped you?” Tony asked without a trace of tact.

“Well, Tony, they had just eaten,” Steve pointed out, rolling his eyes so high that they could’ve gotten stuck in his head. “Peter said they had a picnic.”

“Ah, I see. Probably for the best then,” Tony conceded, going back to his lo mein. Peter wished he could melt, literally. His breathing was actually becoming worrisome and his heart felt like a hummingbird’s. He tried to take some steadying breaths, and Bucky’s hand squeezed his shoulder, though it felt far away. Steve and Tony were still bickering, and it actually kind of helped ground him to the moment, because they weren’t being awkward or staring at him, they just… went on with their conversation, which mostly consisted of Steve trying to tell Tony he should have better manners and Tony justifying his nosiness. Tony calls Steve a prude, Steve argues that he’s more promiscuous than Tony, to which Bucky throws in a “weird flex but okay,” under his breath. This continued in a similar fashion for a few minutes.

Peter listened contentedly for a bit, and after a short time he was smiling. Bucky was too, and Bucky had a look of pure adoration on his face as he looked between the two bickering idiots. When Bucky noticed Peter was back with them, he pulled Tony’s attention away from Steve.

“Tony, you were majorly insensitive just then. You should apologize,” Bucky said in a low voice. Peter immediately blushed, and his heart rate picked right the fuck back up.

“Bucky, it’s fine, I-”

“No, Petey, he’s right, I was being a dick,” Tony said. “I am still curious about your preferences, not in a creepy way, just in a nosey bitch kind of way, but you one-hundred percent do _not_ have to tell me anything.”

“Thanks, Tony…” Peter murmured, trying to slow his heart by simple power of will. It wasn’t working, though he did feel better than he did moments before. Bucky’s hand was still on his shoulder, which helped. “And for the record…” he added, trying not to throw up because he really did want to be friends with these guys and enjoy the casual banter, “I’m a switch.” Tony didn’t respond obnoxiously, amazingly enough, and he just smiled in a smug kind of way, nodding his head to Steve as if to say, “See what I meant?” Peter smirked, looking down at his lap but smirking nonetheless.

“Well, good for Pete. I on the other hand, am trying to eat and wish we weren’t talking about this subject right now-” Bucky begins, but Steve cuts him off.

“Bucky, you literally brought a sandwich into bed the other night,” Steve said flatly. Tony snorted, and Peter smiled.

“You said, and I quote, ‘if you guys are gonna be so impatient, then I’m gonna finish my sandwich in here,” Tony added with a laugh. Peter felt less like his lungs were collapsing and he laughed along with Tony. “There ya go, Peter,” Tony said. “We’re all a dysfunctional mess sometimes, but at least we’re funny.”

“A mess is for sure, there were crumbs in our bed all night,” Steve grumbled. Bucky smirked at that and Peter giggled. He felt mostly like himself again, though still nervous. He knew that all three of them liked him, and he liked Bucky and Tony well enough and was well on his way to being friends with Steve too. But he still felt like there was pressure on this lunch, even though the three had adamantly assured him there was none. He had a bad sense of anticipation, like a job interview that was two seconds from going sour. Peter was well aware that, logically, this was mostly in his head. That was the issue though; his head needed to get with the picture. His neurotransmitters disagreed, apparently. Oh, well. Steve and Tony had started to bicker again, this time with Bucky putting in his two cents every so often. It sounded like they were still bickering about the crumbs and apparently Tony had wanted to hire a housekeeper, but Bucky and Steve had refused, but they still didn’t clean. None of the three of them enjoyed it, though Bucky was most likely to step up and clean or do it when he got stressed, which was often. Bucky pointed this out, and Steve backed him momentarily, but then Tony pointed out that with a housekeeper Bucky could pursue other de-stressing activities, to which Steve switched sides and Bucky flipped Tony off. Then Tony made the point that _without_ a housekeeper, they should all clean more, to which Steve actually laughed out loud and Peter chuckled. Then he realized something.

“Wait, how long has Steve lived in you guys’ apartment?” He asked. He had always thought of it as Tony and Bucky’s place and he only really noticed Steve around recently, after he had met Steve at the party. He had seen him before, but not frequently enough to think he lived there.

“Oh, he literally just moved in,” Bucky answered nonchalantly.

“Really? You guys should’ve told us, Shuri and I could’ve helped,” Peter replied quietly. He still hadn’t quite found his voice for the night, but he felt okay to talk a bit.

“Nah, you had your date! Besides, perks of two bigger dudes in a relationship, we can do some heavy lifting,” Bucky joked.

“That would be true if you had actually lifted anything, Buck,” Tony said with narrowed eyes.

“We did fine, Tony, don’t whine,” Steve said, an edge to his voice just barely detectable. And Peter knew why.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Peter says, looking at Steve’s left eyebrow (it’s close enough to eye contact, okay?). “You moved in yesterday? After you guys came and helped me.”

“More like… during? Tony was busy until he went to your place anyway. Bucky and I took a break when...” Steve trailed off.

“When it started thundering across the hall,” Tony finished, succinctly. Peter felt sick. He knew it shouldn’t be a big deal, but it was and oh, god he had interrupted and then monopolized Bucky, and Tony had come over, too, and he was such an inconvenience, why couldn’t he just be a _normal_ friend? He might actually throw up right now, and his heart is pounding. He tries to think himself out of it, repeating _not a big deal, not a big deal, not a big deal not a big deal not a big deal-_

 _“Peter!”_ Tony said, not loudly but sharply enough to cut through Peter’s panic. He looks up at Tony, accidentally making eye contact, and he is certain his face looks like a deer in headlights or a cartoon about to be hit by a train. Tony’s face softens. Then he surprises the fuck out of all three other men by starting his own little monologue.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to be triggering. I was trying to treat it lightly, but I should have been more careful. I’m sure you know that we don’t care that we spent time with you that day- no, you know what? We do care, not because it took away time from moving, because fuck that we all needed a break anyway, no we care because we _enjoy spending time with you_. It wasn’t an annoyance and it wasn’t just nothing or an excuse for a break. We like you and we like being around you and there for you Peter. And we’ll say it as many damn times as it takes for the message to catch.”

Peter is stunned and tearing up a bit. “I don’t know why I can’t just have a normal fucking interaction with you guys. It seems like everything is so dramatic or emotional,” he mumbles. He knows he shouldn’t apologize, but he isn’t quite prepared to respond to Tony’s speech. It was what he needed to hear, but he was still processing.

Steve laughs. “That’s life, Peter. Buck and I grew up together and we both felt that way throughout the years. We’re fucking crybaby’s sometimes.”

“And I have years of suppressed issues just itching to come out at inopportune moments that Steve and Bucky usually have the pleasure of witnessing. We’re all dramatic, Peter. Especially me. I’m probably the most dramatic person I know.”

“Or the most competitive,” Steve shot back.

“Hm, maybe Steve’s onto something, he is pretty dramatic, do you remember a month after we started dating?” Tony raised his eyebrow.

“Remember it? Of course I fucking remember it. You had a black eye for two weeks, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.” Steve looked haunted. Peter had a moment of clarity though.

“Wait, what the fuck? Did you give him a black eye, Steve? What the fuck?!” Peter looked between the three of them, for once feeling calm because he knew that if one of them was being abusive, Peter swears to god-

“No no no no no, Peter, it wasn’t like that,” Bucky tries to smooth things over, trying to explain quickly. “The story is, Tony thought I was cheating, with a girl, Natasha actually, _after_ I had come out to him as strictly dick-ly,” Bucky paused and winked at Tony, who blushed and looked down, “and Steve backed me up. He and Tony yelled at each other a bit, I yelled some too, Tony pulled out some big guns about me and Steve picking each other over him, and then he stormed out. He had gone to lay on his bed in the other room, I went to the living room and left Steve in my room. So Steve’s angry and alone and he slams the door of my room, and he slammed it so hard that the apartment fucking shook. A speaker fell off of Tony’s shelf above his bed and hit him in the eye. Steve went on about how it was his fault for fucking _months_. He thought it counted as domestic abuse, said Tones and I should leave him, it was a whole shit show and a half.”

“I should’ve controlled my anger,” Steve said quietly.

“You did. Slamming doors, not to be intimidating or threatening, _and_ when no one else is in the room is a fine expression of anger, Steve,” Bucky says like he’s reciting a study note for class.

“Sorry Steve, I shouldn’t have assumed,” Peter says quietly.

“It’s okay, Peter. It just means you care, and I’m glad you do,” Steve said warmly.

“But hey, you know what they say about assuming,” Tony said, and Peter perked up.

“It makes an ass of u and me?” He smirked as he finished the quip. Tony’s eyes lit up.

“He knows the saying too, Buck!”

“Where’d you think I learned it, punk?” Bucky laughed.

“Wow. I’m so glad you’re in our friend group now, Peter,” Tony said. Peter smiled and looked down at his plate. It was mostly empty, but he pushed some rice grains around.

“Me too,” he finally responded.

“So, we’ve decided that Steve is the most dramatic, Tony is the most competitive, Peter’s the sassiest, and I’m the most handsome,” Bucky recaps. Peter laughs and both Steve and Tony immediately object. They bicker for a few minutes, the atmosphere calms, and Peter starts to feel like his skin isn’t made of sandpaper anymore. At a lull in the bickering, Peter steels himself and tries to start a conversation.

“So Steve, why didn’t you live with Bucky and Tony before this week?” he asked.

“Well, we had all already been friends for a while and there had been talk of the three of us moving in together before we even knew we liked each other that way. But then the whole getting together thing went down, and I was living with Bucky, in the apartment here, and Tony had his own down the road. We decided- well, we talked about it a lot-”

“He really means a lot-”

“I distinctly remember the apartment conversation _alone_ lasting two hours-”

“Stop interrupting, jerks. So we decided that Tony and I would switch. Bucky and I were already really close, and Tony and I were closer than he and Buck, so we wanted him and Tony to have some time together just the two of them, and we didn’t want to make Tony feel like, well, like…”

“Like the spare,” Tony finished.

“Ah, okay. That makes sense. And now the three of you live across the hall,” Peter concluded.

“Yep. Get ready for some loud-ass sex-a-thons fifty feet from your own room,” Tony said crudely.

“Come on, Tones,” Bucky said, reaching across again to cuff him on the back of the head. Tony looks affronted and scoffs.

“Just telling it like it is, Barnes.”

“Well maybe don’t tell it at all, least of all while we’re eating with Peter,” Steve added.

“Semantics, semantics.”

Peter actually did have questions about the sex side of things, but he didn’t feel like those were his business. But since he already knew that Tony was dying to answer questions, he directed his next one to Tony.

“What other things did you guys have to discuss when you got together?”

“So much, Peter. Literally every possible thing. Like, who wanted to bottom and top? Who was comfortable with both? Who-” Steve cleared his throat very loudly at that moment and both he and Bucky glared at Tony. Tony continued after a muttered _“Killjoys.”_

“Anyway, as I was saying, we had to talk about everything. There was all the normal stuff that two-person couples should discuss, but it was more complicated with three. Like our expectations of how much time we would spend together, what we were comfortable with emotionally and sexually-” he puts some emphasis on the next part and glares right back at his boyfriends, “because _all_ couples should talk about that, especially in the sense of timelines, but for us it was also important to discuss time spent in twos versus all together and what we were okay with the various groups of two’s doing alone versus as three. A lot of the rest of it was just normal stuff, like our backgrounds and how we react to different things, like anger or irritation, whether we like to give big gifts, whether we’re extroverted or introverted, that sort of thing. Basically just laying it all out so that we wouldn’t do something shitty later and be like _I didn’t know_ or something like that. We nixed an open relationship from the beginning, we are polyamorous but it’s definitely a closed relationship. A lot of people assume that poly automatically means you just fuck everyone and there’s no such thing as fidelity.”

“That’s pretty rude,” Peter sympathized.

“Absolutely,” Tony agreed, pausing to finish off his last egg roll.

“What are the worst questions you guys get?” Peter asked with a smile, noticing that Tony seemed to enjoy the ranting a little bit.

“Mostly people wanting to know about our sex life-” Tony started, when he was cut off by Steve and Tony both.

“Like you wouldn’t tell them all, Tones-”

“’Cause you find it so annoying to talk about sex-”

Tony scoffed again and continued, “-when it’s really none of their business. But we also get a fair few people trying to, well…”

“Get in our pants?” Bucky offered with a smirk.

“Now who’s crude?” Tony muttered. “But yeah. We get a lot of come-ons and stuff, especially when we go out and people notice us together. And then other people try to get us to say that two of us are more of, well, um,” he blushed here, to which Steve actually reached his arm out and put it around Tony’s shoulders.

“Like two of us are a main couple and Tony is just a side piece,” Steve said, kind of grimly with a gesture to himself and Bucky. Peter hadn’t meant to make things so serious. Tony honestly looked a little shaken. Peter’s nerves must’ve shown on his face again, because Tony spoke up.

“Usually it’s me. That people assume is the extra. Like, if we break up, Steve and Bucky would obviously stay together, or if I can’t come to something and Bucky and Steve can, it’s fine cause I’m not really being left out. Or that I don’t know them as well as they know each other, which is kind of true, so it’s hard sometimes, to, I mean- hard to-”

“Tones,” Bucky said quietly, interrupting him before a breakdown. Steve squeezed Tony a little tighter.

“I’m sorry, Tony, I didn’t mean to, to bring up, well-” Peter mumbled.

Tony shook his head like he was clearing it and smiled at Peter. After a deep breath, he said, “It’s okay, Pete. We like answering questions from our friends. Bucky teases me all the time for liking to talk so much, and I was actually really excited about this. There’s just some hard topics wrapped up in the good ones. I’m sure you’ve had some similar shit.”

Peter snorted and agreed, “You could say that.” He smiled at Tony.

“You were right, though, earlier,” Tony said. At Peter’s confused look, he finished, “We really are a dramatic bunch. Our lives are like something straight out of a telenovela. We can’t get through a dinner without some high-strung emotional breakdowns.” He laughed at this, and soon enough, all of them were.

“When I first came out,” Peter began, shocking himself a little at volunteering information but wanting to make Tony feel better, “one of my ‘friends’ from decathlon team told a whole bunch of people at my school. This kid who used to bully me pretty badly started calling me a slut, and soon enough everyone just thought I was this slutty weirdo. Like because I was pan, I suddenly wanted sex with everyone, and only sex. Ned and MJ were kind of my only friends for a while.”

“That sucks, Peter,” Steve said quietly.

“I mean, granted, I did really want to have sex. Just not with everyone at school.” Peter tried to be lighthearted, and it worked. The other three laughed.

“Yeah, you and every other high schooler in the world,” Bucky joked.

“It’s true,” Steve added with a chuckle.

Tony just quietly smiled, and Peter found himself making eye contact and keeping it. He smiled back.

“Every high schooler is a horny little monster,” Bucky stated.

“Except asexual people,” Steve added.

“Except asexuals, yes, but the rest of them are just little horn dogs. And suddenly when one of them is anything but straight, the rest of the population thinks that they’re a predator.” Bucky ranted.

“Yeah, why is that?” Tony said angrily.

“Centuries of homophobia?” Steve offered.

“Yeah, it could be that. Or, it could be the fact that we’re all perverts trying to sodomize the whole world,” Peter said sarcastically. The others laughed.  

“ _And that_ , my friends, is the gay agenda,” Tony said with a snort.

“I thought the gay agenda was taco Tuesdays?” Bucky said through a mouthful of wonton.

“Classy, Buck,” Steve said with a soft smile.

“Class is my middle name,” he smiled and showed off a gross mouthful of food.

Peter smiled. As Steve waived down the waiter for their check, he found himself looking forward to whatever came next from these friendships.

~

Later, the three of them were lounging in Peter’s apartment with Shuri and MJ and Ned. Steve was on the floor, hugging a pillow to his chest with Tony’s legs bracketing him from where he sat on the couch above. Bucky was laid across the couch, his head in Tony’s lap and his legs across Peter and Shuri’s laps. Ned and MJ sat below the two of them, leaning against each other and back on Peter and Shuri’s legs. _The Office_ was playing quietly on the TV, forgotten in lieu of the gossip happening on the couch.

“I am _not_ going to talk to you guys about Thor’s dick!” Peter exclaimed.

“Just stop me when I get there, Peter,” MJ said, putting her hands together and slowly moving them apart. Ned just pushed her hands away and shook his head with a laugh.

“It was… to be expected with what he looks like,” Peter allowed.

“So, monster cock,” Ned states dryly.

“I mean…” Peter trailed off with a laugh and the rest of the group joined him.

“So when’s the next date?” Shuri chimed in.

“We didn’t really make plans,” Peter said honestly. Thor had texted him a few times since last night, but it was just their normal conversation and meme exchange.

“Well are you gonna ask him out?” she pushed, sounding as emotionless as ever. He knocked her head gently with his knee.

“Of course I am. Just gotta come up with a good date first.” He tipped his head to rest on Shuri’s shoulder. Suddenly recommendations came at him from a million directions.

“Do what he did, cook him dinner,” came from Ned.

“Go hiking or something outdoorsy, since he did the picnic,” Steve said.

“Go see a movie and make out in the back row,” was MJ’s contribution.

“Go to a bar and let him teach you how to play pool,” Bucky supplied.

“I know how to play pool, though,” Peter replied.

“Thor doesn’t know that,” Bucky said with a wink. Peter giggled.

“I say you should just finally get around to fucking,” Tony said.

“They’ve been on one date, wierdo,” MJ said to Tony.

“You were the one asking how big Thor’s dick is,” he shot back.

“He’s got a point,” Ned added.

“Don’t back him up,” she said, looking darkly at Ned, who promptly shut up.

“Gotta say we agree, Ned. Don’t give him even more ground to be annoying with,” Bucky threw in.

“I resent that!” Tony exclaimed.

“Then stop talking about dicks,” Steve said.

“I already said it, MJ was the one who brought up dicks!” He defended.

“As Ned pointed out, he’s not wrong about that,” Shuri piped up. Peter just laughed.

“We still like her best,” Steve jested.

“Betrayed, like this, I can’t believe it,” Tony grumbled. Bucky smiled, and reached up and cupped his face, giving his cheek a little pat.

“Don’t worry about it, Tony. She’s just like that with everyone,” Peter joked, nudging MJ’s head again. He knew she was smiling.

“Oh you mean getting everyone to love her despite being the actual snarkiest person alive?” Ned said with a nervous chuckle.

“You know it works, though,” she responded, turning to kiss him on the cheek.

“That it does,” he said.

“I like them, Peter,” Tony said.

“You were just fighting with MJ!” Steve exclaimed.

“I stand by my argument that she was the one hyper-fixated on genitalia, but I still like her. And you, Ned,” he directed to the boy. Tony let a softer smile than usual cross his face. MJ just turned and smirked at him, which was about as affectionate as she got with new friends.

Peter suddenly remembered something he had been curious about. He just wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted to ask. He directed a question to Tony, Steve, and Bucky.

“So, you guys are friends with Wade, right?”

“Yeah, cool guy. Why, did he try to join in with you guys last night?” Tony said with a chuckle.

“What? No, no. He wasn’t even there. Or he stayed in his room the whole time, I never saw him.”

“Not surprising. Wade doesn’t usually like meeting new people,” Bucky added.

“Why not?” Peter continued.

“He, uh, had an accident a while ago. It messed up his face. He’s really fun once you get to know him, just hard to get through to initially. He can be very… crude, and obnoxious. But funny, for sure. I think he’s also pan, like you guys,” Steve offered.

“Huh. That explains the Christmas sweater.” Peter mumbled.

“Oh, Thor showed you pictures? Yeah, Wade says he doesn’t want to ‘ruin good memories with his ugly mug’” Tony said, moving his hands to add the air quotes.

“We’ve tried to tell him otherwise, but he’s a stubborn ass,” Bucky added.

“Hmm,” Peter hummed. “Thor seems fond of him, but he got awkward when Wade came up last night. While we were looking at pictures, I mean.”

“Thor doesn’t really like to talk about it, that’s not surprising either,” Bucky said. “I’m sure if he wants to tell you, he will when he’s ready. Or maybe you’ll meet Wade and he’ll tell you. Thor probably feels like it isn’t his story to tell.”

Peter mulls this over a bit.

“Ooh,” Bucky says with a scandalous lilt to his voice.

“What now, Barnes?” MJ asks.

“Oh Peter, just wait until you meet _Loki_.” Steve and Tony groaned, and Bucky just laughed.

“Who is Loki?” he asked.

“Thor’s sibling,” Steve replied, at the same time that Tony said, “A dick.”

“Sounds like fun,” Peter sassed, as an uneasy feeling spread in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter did have his skype sesh with May! there will be a flashback to it in the next chapter.


	9. Wade and Loki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yo! a short chapter for before thanksgiving, but finally enter two of my faves. 
> 
> So, I went back and made a few minor edits regarding Loki because I have written them as genderqueer! I can very easily imagine Loki being attracted to androgyny and also identifying with it themself. as i imagine it, if you were to ask loki what they identify as, the answer would be "queer in every possible form." That said, PLEASE be on the lookout for if I misgender them! i edit my own stuff and sometimes bits slip through (evidenced by my edits from earlier chapters).

“If you don’t stop giggling, he’ll find us before he finds the box!” Loki whispered sharply.

Peter couldn’t help it. The idea was just too much, and even though it was simple, he knew it would work and be hilarious. Loki just sighed and rolled their eyes, which made Peter giggle even more.

“Would you at least _try?_ I let you in on my pranks and you’re jeopardizing my status as the God of Mischief,” they lamented, and Peter actually slapped a hand over his own mouth to keep from laughing out loud, because how hilarious that the Odinson’s had not only named their children Thor and Loki, but that the personalities even matched the mythology. It was too much.

“You are, without a doubt, the worst pranking partner I’ve ever worked with,” Loki grumbled, but now his grimace was shifting into a small grin. They smiled over to where Peter was trying his hardest not to laugh. He finally calmed himself down a bit, with a grumbled, “Finally,” from Loki.

As they settled in to wait for Thor, Peter reflected on how quickly he and Loki had hit it off. Thor introduced them this morning after his classes, when he came by to visit Peter at work again with Loki in tow. Bolstered by Thor’s presence, Peter had been able to banter lightly with Loki and tease Thor a little bit. Later that night, Loki had shown up at Peter’s apartment with an offer to join in on a prank, and the two of them immediately set off for Thor’s apartment.

In the short span of time they had spent together, Peter had learned that Loki used they/them pronouns, and they didn’t go to Peter and Thor’s school, but the college slightly outside of the city. He had also learned that Loke loved to prank, and was friends with some of Thor’s friends here, too. The siblings occasionally drove to see each other, as it was only a thirty-minute drive, but the rest of Thor and Peter’s friend group wasn’t the biggest fan of Loki. They tolerated Loki well enough for Thor’s sake but had been on the wrong end of their pranks enough times to regard them as, well, a dick.

Still, Peter thought that he might be able to consider Loki a friend, if not now, then soon enough. Maybe that would help May calm down a bit. She had heard about Bucky, and Steve and Tony, but she seemed to think that he depended too much on Shuri to make friends. She made a comment about Thor that had rubbed him the wrong way. The memory of skyping her replays in his head while he and Loki wait for Thor.

~

“Peter, honey, I’m so glad you had a great time with Thor. But if I hear one more thing about how soft his hair is, I might throw up,” she said with laugh, though it wasn’t her usual boisterous one. Peter could tell that her eyes were tight, and he wondered if she was in pain and trying to hide it. He didn’t think she would react well if he tried to pry into that, though.

“Sorry, May. I’m a little…”

“Head-over-heels?” she teased.

“I was gonna say _distracted_ ,” he responds.

“Just be careful, hon. He seems great, I know, but you don’t want to head into this too quick, alright?”

“May, he is great. And I am being careful,” Peter said, not really sure why he was feeling defensive.

“I know, you always are, it’s just a little strange to see you being so… enthusiastic. I love it, don’t get me wrong, it seems like you have this, renewed energy. I always get worried when I skype you because at school you don’t seem like the same Peter I know at home, and that’s okay, I know it’s not easy. But it worries me a bit that you’ve… livened up so fast for him.”

“Isn’t it a good thing that it’s getting easier, though? I mean, look at me and Bucky. That was a fast friendship, too.”

“Key word being _friendship._ And even that was…” she pauses, and looks down at her lap for a second, and Peter thinks she’s contemplating whatever she’s saying, but he sees the tension in her shoulders and he knows that’s not it. She’s in pain and trying not to show it. He wants so badly to ask, but he doesn’t want to make her mad and he knows it would. He feels his own shoulders tighten up with frustration but lets her continue. “…Bucky was slower than you were with Thor. And Bucky can relate to you in ways most people can’t, so it makes sense that things would move a little faster, there.” And then his irritation spikes, but for a different reason. He can’t keep all of it out of his voice when he replies.

“Well, Thor-I mean, if he doesn’t relate, at least he understands a lot more than most people.” He sees May’s face fall at his tone, and he immediately regrets it.

“That may be so, and I’m not saying he’s bad, not at all. Just, be careful, okay?” She’s still in pain, and still hurt from how he talked to her. But she stands her ground. Peter deflates, and, in that moment, he is overcome with his love for his aunt and his fear of actually losing her. He feels like he’s gonna cry, so he knocks over his pencil cup and ducks down under the desk. He breathes deep and tries his best not to let any tears escape. He hears May calling his name, so he steels himself and puts on a smile before popping back up.

“Sorry, knocked over my pencils. You’re right, May, I’ll be careful. I have a good feeling about him, though,” he says, finding that he has to force the smile a little bit.

“Hm.” She looks at him oddly, and he tries to make his smile more genuine. He thinks of going home next weekend for Thanksgiving and finds it a little easier. “Well I’m glad you do. I hope you’re right, because I’d love to meet that gorgeous man in person,” she says, trying to get back to the lighthearted conversation.

“I hope you will, too, May. How are you feeling?” He finally risks bringing it up.

“Ah, sweetie, don’t worry about me, I’m doing fine,” she says, with a bit of an edge to her voice. He knows its risky, but he presses on.

“May, I can see it. Your face, your shoulders. You’re hurting,” he points out.

“Peter,” she says, warning laced in the name.

He holds his ground this time. “May,” he levels. Her face softens a bit.

“Well, it’s not the cancer that hurts anymore, I’ve got enough painkillers for it, but the medicine hurts. Just makes me ache-y and nauseous, sends little spikes of pain every so often. But you need to not worry about it, that’s not your job, honey.”

Peter’s anger flares up and it’s so intense that it scares him a little. He wants to scream, but he tries to keep his voice at a normal level. He knows it still comes out tighter than he wants it to. “May, I’m gonna worry about you. I care about you, you can’t just tell me _not_ to worry, you can’t just expect that, that’s _not fair, May_.”

She’s silent a few moments. Peter doesn’t want to fight with her and he immediately regrets not controlling himself better.

“Please, May, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get upset, I-” May cuts him off.

“Peter, enough. I don’t want to fight. That wasn’t fair of me to say, you’re right.” Peter knows that there is more to this conversation. But now isn’t the time. He wanted to have a pleasant skype with May and gush about his date, and he did, but now its getting derailed and its time to get this back on track.

“Thanks. Can we just… go back to normal?” That isn’t nearly enough, he knows, and there is no normal, now. But she accepts the little they can do.

“Yeah. So I’ve heard all about Thor, tell me about your friends. What are MJ and Ned up to?” she says with a small smile.

He smiles back. They talk for a while, and he tells them about Ned and MJ’s marching band escapades, Shuri’s research in the tech department, Bucky taking him to get his hair dyed, and his plans to hang out with the super-boyfriends tonight. When he told May about Bucky, Steve, and Tony last week, she had dubbed them the “super-boyfriends” on account of there being three of them. Finally the time creeps up to about ten, and he needs to get ready for class. They’ve been talking since he got home at nine that morning. Thor had ridden over with him, and he finds himself daydreaming about him again. He does need to get ready though.

“Alright, May, I’ve gotta go get ready.” He doesn’t know how to disperse the awkwardness that comes with the feeling of things left unsaid. He is so afraid that he’s going to fight with her when he gets home, and he doesn’t want that. She doesn’t deserve that.

She feels it too. But she just moves on, and Peter’s grateful. “You go. Keep me in the loop, okay? I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Alright, May. I love you.”

“Love you too, hon. Bye,” She smiles, and he waves before disconnecting. The stress doesn’t leave him as he gets ready for class, and he finds himself distractedly waiting until he see’s Thor again. Thor had said he would visit him at work, and that’s only a few hours away…

~

“Pay attention, Peter, you’re manning the camera,” Loki’s voice snaps him out or his memories.

“Right, sorry, got it,” he quickly adjusts his position and he and Loki remain hidden behind the kitchen counter. He has the camera set up behind the stack of pictures and is waiting until its time to hit record. As soon as they hear Thor’s bedroom door open, Peter clicks the button and they duck down. It’s silent for a moment, and there’s the incredibly quiet sound of him picking up the box. Thor hums quietly, and Peter almost feels bad for a moment. The box was made to look like a present from _him_. Then, the most incredible _shriek_ rings through the apartment.

Thor shrieks two more times, and Peter and Loki are barely able to keep their laughter contained. Peter is practically wheezing. They can hear Thor breathing heavy and smacking, brushing and trying to get the snakes off of him- _not real snakes_ , Peter reminds himself, and he wants so badly to look and watch but he knows the video will be amazing. Finally, the noise stops, and all the two of them can hear is the mechanical snakes wiggling on the floor. There’s a beat of silence.

“LOKI!!!” Thor yells and they hear the sound of him apparently kicking the box. “LOKI! GET OUT HERE, NOW,” he thunders, stomping across the room almost to their hiding place. Peter grabs onto Loki and they wait, holding their breath not to laugh, when-

“I’ll save you, my king!” And finally Peter can’t help himself, he stands up to watch whatever is happening and see who the new voice belongs to. When he pops up behind the counter, he see’s a look of confused recognition cross Thor’s face momentarily before a huge, gray blur tackles him to the ground. Now it’s Peter’s turn to look confused. Loki jumps up and see’s Thor hit the ground and laughs. Peter elbows them because this wasn’t a part of the plan. He walks around the counter and goes to check on Thor.

“Thor, hey are you okay?”

The grey blur jumps up and turns out to be a person, nearly a big as Thor. “Petey-pie! I’ve been so excited to meet you.”

“Um, hi,” he responds awkwardly, not really paying attention and feeling anxious about meeting a new person. He bends down and helps Thor up.

“Thanks,” Thor says, breathless. “What are you doing here?”

“Um, well,” Peter hesitates, and tries not to giggle. Loki makes himself known at that point, having hidden the camera.

“I brought him, brother. Wanted to show him what you sounded like, screaming like a little girl.” Loki smirked as realization dawned on Thor’s face. Peter looked at his feet, still smiling.

“You had a part in this Peter? I can’t believe it.” He shakes his head, and Wade perks up.

“Blue hair and pranking with your sibling? Thor, you sure know how to pick ‘em.”

“I _like_ his hair,” Thor says, affronted.

“Not saying it doesn’t look great, because hot _damn_ it looks great, but when he hangs out with your brother-”

“Truthfully, I’m feeling more ‘sibling’ today,” Loki interjects flatly.

Wade continues as if there had been no interruption, sparing a second to correct himself. “-hanging out with your _sibling_ , it adds to the crazy.” Peter doesn’t really know how to react to that. He looks to Thor for help.

“Don’t pick on Peter or his hair, Wade,” Thor says, quietly but with firmness to it. Wade jumps suddenly, and slings his arm over Peter’s shoulder, effectively prying him from Thor’s side and leaning on him heavily. Peter nervously looks up at the man as he continues to speak, his heart pounding a little harder than it was while he was under Thor’s arm.

“Never! Petey-pie and I are going to be the best of friends, I can just tell,” he gushes with a smile.

“Maybe let him decide that before you go squishing him,” Thor shot back, yanking Peter back to his side.

“Maybe let me make my own movements, guys,” Peter interjected. Thor let him go immediately and smiled in apology. Peter smiled back and shifted back next to him to show he wasn’t upset.

“Sorry, Pete. I’m an affectionate guy,” Wade says, still smiling, though he looks nervous. Peter looks him in the eye, trying his best to ignore the rest of his face. He isn’t disgusted or anything, he knows that looks don’t matter, but it is natural to be curious and direct attention to things that stand out. Wade’s face is scarred heavily; it looks like his skin was burned somehow and healed with an array of bumps, ridges and ripples. But Peter can tell that Wade was very attractive before, and honestly, he isn’t even all that unattractive now. It’s just scarring, a little disarming and unsettling at first but really, his smile is still nice. His body is still built and muscular, Peter can tell even under the loose grey sweatpants and hoodie. As Peter looks in his eyes, though, he notices that they’re a very warm shade of brown. Wade looks eager, like he’s hoping for the best here, but his smile is sort of guarded. He wants Peter to like him, but he’s afraid.

“It’s okay, Wade. So is Thor,” he teases. Thor’s arm goes back around him, and he puts his around Thor’s waist. Wade’s smile gets bigger and reaches his eyes, which almost sparkle. It’s a little mesmerizing.

“Excellent! We are gonna be friends, I so knew it!”

“It seems I’ve become irrelevant to the conversation, so I might take my leave, here,” Loki pipes up.

“No, Loki! Stick around,” Peter says, feeling bad for leaving them out.

“Yes, Peter’s right. You said you would stay, Loki,” Thor added.

“You were prepared to throw me out the window not five minutes ago,” Loki counters.

Thor sighs, and Peter giggles. “Somehow this incident is more forgivable than usual,” he says, looking down at Peter mischievously. “Let’s have dinner, b-Loki. Have you two been conspiring all day?” Thor’s slip-up is minute, so small that it’s barely there. Peter wouldn’t have noticed had he not been anxiously trying to avoid any gendered statements around Loki all day. Loki himself didn’t really set off his anxiety as badly as some had, but Peter just got so nervous about misgendering people that he tended to make a bigger deal of it than anyone cared for. It wasn’t sending him into a panic yet, but his heart and breathing didn’t appreciate all the extra worry.

“Well, they did ask for my number before you guys left the newsroom,” Peter said with a smile.

“He was almost too willing to engage in a prank, Thor. I’d be careful with this one,” Loki said ominously.

“Don’t remind me,” Thor said with a chuckle. “But… how _did_ you know about the snakes, Peter?”

“Know what?” he responds, confused. He looks to Loki questioningly, who suddenly looks down at his feet.

“Oh Petey,” Wade says with a sweet, sad tone. “Thor has a history with snakes.”

“You do?”

“Ah, well, um, yes, a bit,” Thor stammers.

“Petey, the man turns into a fuckin’ field mouse around snakes,” Wade says with a laugh. “That’s his one big fear in the world.” Wade cracks up and laughs, Loki joining him with his own milder laugh.

“Thor, I’m sorry, I didn’t know-” Peter begins, but Thor just waves him off.

“I’m okay, it just took me by surprise.” Wade chooses that moment to mimic Thor’s screech and jump from earlier, to which Loki laughs. Thor shakes his head and rolls his eyes, though Peter can feel the tension in his back. He takes a breath and explains, “One time when we were children, our parents sent us to nature camp, and there was a room full of snakes, and Loki knew I used to love snakes. So when it was my turn to hold one of the snakes, they took a bunch of the fake rubber ones and tossed them at my feet, and was like, ‘Eyeaa, snakes!’ and I freaked out and the snake I was holding slithered into my shirt. Though it wasn’t poisonous, it did bite me twice. We were eight at the time. I’ve been scared of snakes ever since.”

“Holy shit, Thor. I feel so bad now,” Peter lamented, squeezing him tight.

“You didn’t know. Plus, I’ve practically been desensitized at this point, Loki pranks me with some form of snake at least twice a year,” he said with a halfhearted glare toward his sibling.

“They always bring the best reactions,” Loki justified.

“You do sing so prettily when it comes to snakes, my king,” Wade added in, folding his hands together and kicking a leg back, blinking at Thor in a lovestruck fashion. It made Peter feel a bit awkward, but it was a little amusing. He can see what everyone meant when they described Wade to him earlier; a little obnoxious, but overall a good guy. At least, he seems so from the few minutes Peter’s been interacting with him.

“Yes, Wade, I screamed, it was funny, we get it” Thor says, embarrassed, though he begins to smile faintly. Everyone else laughed, even Peter now that he was sure Thor was alright, and Wade winked at him. He didn’t feel as nervous as he normally would. Being with Thor made it a little easier, meeting new people and interacting with them. He and Loki had hit it off with Thor there as a catalyst, and Wade seemed to be as enamored with Peter as he was with Thor.

“As great as reenacting the prank can be, I am in favor of dinner if that’s on the table,” Loki supplied. Peter saw them tap something on their phone just barely out of their pocket before replacing it.

“Let’s do it then. Wade, are you joining us?”

“As much as I’d love to, I promised Sonic I’d hang out with her and Yukio tonight. Granted, she would be thrilled if I bailed, but Yukio would be sad and Colossus would have my ass, though not in the way I’d like him to, so I’m gonna skip this one. But I can’t wait to spend more time with you, baby boy,” he says, directing the last bit at Peter, who blushes fiercely. And then, with a ruffling of Peter’s hair, a kiss on Thor’s cheek and a salute to Loki, Wade Wilson is out the door in a gust of _weird-but-charming_ energy. Peter feels a little awkward and looks at his feet, still shocked at how flirty Wade had been.

“He’s always like that,” Thor explains. “If it bothers you though, he can stop.”

“It doesn’t… _bother_ me, it was just… unexpected and a little weird. He’s very flirtatious,” Peter said evenly.

“That much is true,” Thor said with a small smile. “He’s called me ‘my king’ since Halloween three years ago, when I dressed up as the Norse god, Thor. He also enjoys pet names, cutesy stuff like he was calling you,” he says to Peter. “Again, just tell him to stop and he will. He’s big about consent and stuff, even if it might not seem like it at first.”

“Good to know. But the nicknames are fine,” Peter said. The three of them gathered their things and were set to leave when Thor’s phone started exploding with notifications. He pulled it out and looked at it confusedly for a few seconds, then his eyes darkened dangerously. Peter checked his own phone and found that Loki had sent the prank video already, to the Groupme their friend group had, who Peter had strategically added him to not a few moments ago. Peter sniggered, watching Thor fume like a soda can that’s been shaken up. He finally exploded.

“LOKIIIII!” Loki and Peter booked it out the door and to the staircase, cackling the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy this, as always, tell me what you think!


	10. Marvel Muscles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short, fun blurb while I'm slammed with exams. Doesn't further the plot much, but features Peter being stronger than Steve (because we all know that, not considering fighting technique or formal training, Spiderman is physically stronger than Captain America, and I'm gonna put that here even if it's a human AU because why not) and also features MY BISEXUAL WARRIOR QUEEN, and even though it isn't really shown here, just know that she is also hella strong (TM) and could definitely whip captain america's ass too. i mean, she is asgardian. stevey boi is very strong but we got some badass beauties in here that could give him a run for his money. anyway. i hope you enjoy this little 2k one-shot. it still fits with the timeline, if you're worried about that :)

Peter frowned in disappointment at his email. Apparently, his normal gym, the one near the bio department so frequently deserted that it’s a wonder how it stays open, is closed for renovations for a week. He loves going there, because more often than not, the weight room is deserted at the times he likes to come. Peter prefers going at some ungodly hour of the morning, or at about 4 p.m., where no one is off of a day shift yet, but the night shift people aren’t likely to be in either. Students don’t frequently attend at these times either.

Nonetheless, there’s nothing he can do about it. He is tempted to take the week off, but he had been sticking to a program pretty closely (save a few days surrounding the cancer news) and he’d like to not ruin it with a week off. He may look small, but its usually because of his clothes. His body is actually pretty muscled. Thor noticed, and it always made his stomach feel fluttery when Thor ran his hands over Peter’s arms or chest, murmuring about how strong he is…

 _New train of thought, Peter, god,_ he thinks to himself with an annoyed glance to his crotch, which had begun to stir. He finishes packing his gym bag, tries to settle down, and makes to head out to the gym near their apartment building, which is a partner organization with his own; he can attend free for the week while his building undergoes renovations.

When he gets there, he takes a deep breath and steels himself before walking in. He walks to the desk and practically thrusts his I.D. card in the poor receptionists hands, before she’s even had the chance to say hello. She tries anyway, and it makes him even more self-conscious about his card thrusting than he already was. He stares at a spot on the counter.

“Hi, welcome to Marvel Muscles, how are you today?” She says mildly, scanning his card and then waiting on the slow system. The system at his normal gym is faster. There’s a scanner that he can use without even interacting with a receptionist. The guy who normally works when Peter goes knows that he just wants to smile awkwardly and be on his way. This girl doesn’t know that. She’s waiting for him to respond. _Oh_. Get with the program, Peter.

“Oh, um nothing, I mean, I’m okay.” Peter manages not to stutter too horribly, though his words are jumbled. She nods, and her smile tightens, and he throws in a hectic, “And how are you?”

“Well, I’m alright. Looks like you’re normally with the gym over near the bio department, huh? Well, if you need any help or want to be shown around, I can help you.” Peter chances a glance up at her, and nods slightly. He doesn’t know where the weight room is. She’s intimidating as fuck. Not because of anything she has said, yet, but damn she just looks like she could destroy him. Physically or otherwise. She isn’t even that big, she just has that kind of presence. And her arms. And she has a tough kind of voice, with an accent not unsimilar to Thor’s. Anyway, she is intimidating. But maybe Peter’s biased. He doesn’t know where the weight room is. He’s waited too long to speak again.

“I just, uh, need to go to… need the, um, weight room, I need to go to the weight room.” She looks him up and down, and it rubs him the wrong way. It’s like she doesn’t expect a stuttery, nervous shrimp like him to be able to lift… well, who would, when you think about it. Maybe Peter is projecting his insecurities again. Peter doesn’t get angry, but he does bristle a little bit, and stand up slightly straighter. She can’t see it with his sweatpants and sweatshirt on, but maybe when he takes off the layers, she won’t look so skeptical. Peter wishes Thor was here. Even though Thor can outlift him a gazillion to one by plain numbers, Peter is actually proportionately stronger according to his weight and height. He just doesn’t look all bulky like Thor. It used to make him feel insecure, and now its not feeling so great either, under the receptionists’ amused gaze.

“Okay, sure, follow me,” she finally says, propping up a sign and then leading the way away from the desk. They turn down a hallway and find an elevator, and she takes them to the third floor. When they exit, Peter can see cubbies lining the hallway and a wall of windows on the weight room. He can see in, but with the tint of the glass, he doubts that the people inside can see out. He turns to the receptionist as she speaks again, resolutely staring at her forehead to avoid eye contact.

“Alright, well, here it is. Locker rooms are down this hall to the left if you want to lock your stuff up, otherwise, use the cubbies. Lifting coaches are in there just to make sure everyone’s being safe, but you can ask them questions and stuff. If you need anything, my name’s Val.” She hands him a card.

Huh. She’s a personal trainer, actually. Brunnhilde Valkyrie. What a name. He tucks it in his bag and smiles, making eye contact briefly. It gets to be too much, and he looks down again, but he says thanks and she smiles back at him before leaving.

He starts to put away his bag, and get out his belt and switch shoes. He remains blissfully unaware of Val cackling on her phone back at the desk.

~~~

“Thor, I _definitely_ just met your boyfriend, and he is about to go lift with Steve fucking Rogers,” she says, trying to control herself and not to be insensitive with her laughter but kind of cracking up at the prospect of that sight.

“Peter? That’s wonderful! Is he at your gym? I thought he went to one closer to his academic building,” Thor replied. She noticed that he didn’t correct her on using the word _boyfriend_.

“Yeah, they’re closed for renovations, so he came here. Thor, when you said he was quiet, you didn’t say _painfully awkward_. I felt like I was torturing the poor boy. I didn’t want to make him talk any more than I had to, but I also didn’t want him to think _I_ was being rude. Wow. And you say he bonded with Loki?!” She’s amazed. Her cousins are a bit of a crazy bunch. Thor is loud and brazen and very forthright. Loki has had issues in the past with being manipulative and is devious to boot. She can’t imagine that tiny little guy keeping up with the two of them.

“He and Loki bonded a bit more than I appreciate,” Thor said sarcastically. “I’m so glad you met him though! Was he surprised that we’re cousins?”

“Honestly, I was _not_ gonna keep asking him questions, he clearly was uncomfortable. Maybe on his way out I’ll mention it.”

“Hm. Sounds like Peter. He wouldn’t be upset though, if you said something.”

“Well, I will then. I hope he makes it out in one piece,” she joked.

“What do you mean, cousin?”

“Well, he’s so small. I’m afraid Cap will drop a plate and squish him or something.”

“Oh, Peter can hold his own. I wouldn’t be worried. And he and Steve have been bonding recently, as well. I think Steve’s in for a surprise, actually,” Thor says with a chuckle.

“What do you mean?”

“Peter’s stronger than he looks. You should go watch him for a minute, I’m sure it will shock you,” Thor laughs.

“Maybe I will,” she murmurs. Time to head back up to the third floor again.

~~~

Valkyrie’s jaw has been on the floor for close to fifteen minutes. She got back to the third floor right as Peter finished a dynamic warm up with resistance bands and low weights. Nothing abnormal. But then, he set up a squat rack right next to Steve’s, and his first weight was _way_ too high, in fact she was about to go in and interject when Steve stepped up and seemingly did just that. She couldn’t hear them, but with the gestures, she was sure Steve was saying what she was thinking. Peter looks sheepish and shy, he’s just looking at his shoes. Finally he must get irritated at Steve, and just waves him off and stomps over to his rack. That could not be a warm up set. Maybe, _maybe_ it could be his final set, if he was, like, maxing out today.

And he put out 8 reps like it was nothing. Val was flabbergasted. _Steve_ was flabbergasted. His own squat rack wasn’t too much heavier than Peter’s right now, and he had been here for longer, coming in probably ten minutes before Peter. Peter actually laughed at Cap’s face, and it was nice to see him not so nervous. Peter continually added weight and decreased reps. Finally, he exceeded what Steve had on his rack for his own final round, and did two more sets of two reps each. He didn’t talk to Steve throughout his whole main set.

They move on to auxiliary work, and while his dumbbell bench isn’t as insane as that squat just was, he still only uses slightly less than Steve. A difference small enough that Steve is looking fairly insecure, which is a funny sight in itself. They do some other upper body and core work, nothing crazy, each following their own workouts, and though she can’t hear it, they both smile a few times and she thinks some banter has passed between them. As they start to walk out, Val quickly grabs the spray bottle and rag from the cubbies and pretends to be cleaning the window. Peter comes out laughing, and Steve just looks blown away.

“I told you I’d surprise you!”

“You did, Pete. Holy fuck. You surprised me alright,” Steve says, clapping him on the back. When they get closer, Peter’s laughter dies down, but he smiles.

“Good lift, boys?” She asks, mostly directed at Steve.

“I dunno, some random dude showed up and made me feel grossly inadequate,” Steve says with a chuckle. Peter just blushes.

“Well, seems he is full of surprises,” she says.

“Yeah. Peter, have you met Val?” Steve suddenly asks.

“Yeah, she, uh, showed me in. She’s a personal trainer on her card,” he says to his shoes.

“She’s also Thor’s cousin,” Steve supplies, dropping it like a bomb.

Peter’s eyes _snap_ back up to her face and she’s met with the first genuinely excited smile she has received from the boy.

“No way,” he says.

“Afraid so. He and I spent many childhood days thwarting Loki’s ridiculous pranks together,” she joked.

“I’m not sure that’s how Loki would describe it,” he says with his own laugh. “Wow. I, uh- sorry, I just, it’s nice to meet you! Your name makes sense now. Sorry, that was rude, I shouldn’t have said-” he almost derails completely, but she stops him.

“Relax, Peter. Yeah, I fit right in,” she laughs. “Thor and Loki Odinson, and Brunnhilde Valkyrie. Our parents were a zany bunch.”

“I like the names, though,” he says shyly, smiling again.

“Well, thank you. Sorry if I made you feel anxious earlier. I tend to underestimate people,” she apologized.

“No harm done,” he responds, flexing his bicep with a snarky smile. Steve snorts and laughs only slightly obnoxiously.

“We better change. Good to see you, as always, Val,” Steve says with a little two-finger salute.

“You as well, captain. Great to meet you, Peter,” she smiles at him.

“You too, Val. Thanks.” He turns and heads to the locker room. Val heads back downstairs, and she is genuinely happy to have met the kid. Thor really knows how to pick ‘em.


	11. Date Number Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im alive! Hey yall, thank you for being so patient with me. We have a senior thesis thing due in four days that I'm still working on and i took some of my breaks by writing this chapter, so i hope it holds up. there is some heavy discussion in this chapter; thor and peter discuss their views on dating, sexuality and more. if you see something interesting and want to provide commentary or a counterpoint, please do!! I'm pan myself, so I identify pretty strongly with some of the stuff peter says, but I've also had a lot of similar thoughts as Thor and i think it's an important topic overall. and as a warning, towards the end a homophobic slur is used. it's not super explicit and it's not anything particularly graphic, but just so your prepared.

“So I heard you met my cousin, Val,” Thor said, bringing up a new topic after they had exhausted that of the merits of Be More Chill versus Dear Evan Hansen (both amazing, but BMC’s lyrics occasionally sound like they were written by an adult with a very stereotypical view of teenagers and how they talk).

“Oh yeah! She, uh, was a little off putting at first.” Peter blushed and looked at his feet hitting the sidewalk. He remembered feeling like she was judging him or thought he was too scrawny.

“She can be like that. She occasionally… draws conclusions early. But she called me after you left the gym and bragged about your lift. Apparently, you threw Steve entirely off his groove,” Thor said with a smile and a light hip check.

Peter couldn’t help it and drew up a funny voice as he responded, “I’m sorry, but you threw off the emperor’s groove.”

“Soooooorrrryyyyyyyy,” Thor said in his own funny voice, and then he laughed.

Peter laughed with him. “Steve never knew what hit him. I swear he was about to tattle to one of the lift coaches and tell them I was gonna hurt myself. I know what I’m about, son.”

“In his defense, the amount you lift really should be impossible with your physique,” Thor allowed.

“Maybe so, but come on! Doesn’t he trust that I’m at least not 100% stupid?” Peter chuckled.

“Of course he does! But smart people can sometimes be misleading,” Thor teased. Peter just smiled and leaned into Thor’s arm for a moment. He loved this dynamic. It was intoxicating. Sure, he was only interacting with Thor right now, but in the moment, he was almost able to forget the constant state of fear he normally carried. It never truly went away, but he likened the feeling to having a permanent mild sunburn. At stressful events, like scratchy clothes or intense heat or a smack, it flared painfully. But Thor was like jumping in a cool lake. Soothing, relieving, and it felt almost like the sunburn wasn’t there at all. He could forget about it, momentarily, while he swam and splashed and moved freely.

Currently, they were walking to a bar. It was about a twenty-minute walk, and they were almost there. So far, Peter hadn’t felt nervous once. He was getting better and better at being around Thor and not feeling constant butterflies or nerves, and not assuming the worst. That was where they both really saw improvement. Peter was getting so much better at believing Thor when he flirted and complimented Peter, and at accepting the praise and kindness. They had been hanging out for over a month, now. Thor and May had unofficially met over Thanksgiving, when Thor and Peter skyped from their homes and May joined in briefly. She had _adored_ him, and Peter was more than satisfied. Things were really turning up for Peter from where he had been last month, especially with the diagnosis. He mulled over recent events as they continued the last leg of their walk in silence, squeezing Thor’s hand comfortingly.

May had an appointment over Thanksgiving break that confirmed that treatment _was_ working; the cancer cells were still there, but shrinking all over and even disappearing in some places. The doctors were more optimistic, and May felt better, having gotten used to the medication a bit more. She had to be extremely careful not to get sick, which was nerve-wracking in itself simply because winter was coming up, but she dutifully stayed in the apartment and took necessary precautions whenever she did end up having to leave for some reason. Peter had to disinfect his suitcase before coming inside, and he went straight to the shower before he could even hug her, putting on a clean outfit to do so. It was sad, but Peter knows that a college campus and public transportation are both crawling with germs, so he was okay with it. Peter could tell she was going stir-crazy, but he still admired her boldness. Her hair had started falling out a tiny bit, and so for the week he was home she died it bright blue to match his own. She planned to shave it after he went back to school, just to avoid the mess of it falling out slowly. He didn’t want to say so, but he was a little glad she was so intent on waiting until he left for that part. He didn’t know if he could take it.

It was still going to be a long journey, but it was looking up. Now when they skyped, he often saw May with a knit beanie on, one that Ned had made her for Christmas back in tenth grade when they learned to knit for a crafts class. She was bundled up all the time, which made him skeptical of whether she kept the heat in the apartment high enough, but the one time he had brought it up, she got defensive. He knew they had always kept it pretty low to save money, and just used layers and a lot of blankets. He just hoped that he wasn’t a bad nephew for trusting her to continue that same pattern, even when she was sick, or trying desperately not to get sick.

She wouldn’t be officially cancer-free for a few months, at the doctors’ estimates, but if she could get through the winter without getting sick then it shouldn’t be long after that her body starts to catch up with the medicine and hopefully, she’ll be cancer-free sometime in the spring. Peter smiles at the thought.

Coming back to now, he saw his and Thor’s destination. A casual bar not really themed around any specific thing but featuring a variety of decoration and drink options. Peter had been here many times with Ned and MJ, sometimes with Shuri too, and the four had even brought Thor and the new friend group twice already. But this time, it was just Thor and Peter. It wasn’t like there were any stakes, because Peter was pretty sure that Thor thought of him as his boyfriend and he pretty much thought the same. They just hadn’t “made it official” or whatever that meant. But this was different, as it was the first time they had had a true date night since that first picnic.

They payed the cover and entered, taking in the atmosphere. Upstairs was more of the party area, featuring an uncovered outdoor area with picnic tables and a small bar area that specifically served a fun variety of shots, and an adjacent indoor spot with liquor and beer selections and plenty of space for dancing and various tables for drinking games. Downstairs was more mellow, with lounging areas and a mix-drink bar. Peter ordered some strange grapefruit thing that looked good, and Thor ordered a vodka-cranberry, much to Peter’s amusement. His boyf- Thor, he means, was usually more of a beer man.

“Feeling basic tonight?” Peter quipped.

“I’ll have you know, these are delicious. And stronger than the beers I normally drink,” Thor defended with a smile. Peter stood up on his tip toes and kissed Thor’s cheek, making him blush. When they had their drinks, they began to head to one of the couches a little further back. Peter became aware that he didn’t really know what they were going to talk about. They could just stick to their usual topics, but this outing seemed to hold a little more weight than most, and he wasn’t sure what Thor planned to say. He himself hadn’t even planned anything. He hadn’t planned anything! Wow. Peter let that thought sink in. He hadn’t rehearsed anything or come up with potential conversations in his head (that Thor would inevitably not follow the script for, making him even more nervous than he was before). It was a strange feeling, to not know what to say and not feel petrified about it.

“So, Peter. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this might actually just be our second date.” Thor began. They were in a corner, facing each other with their knees bracketing each other.

“Well, if by date you mean spending romantic time together as just us and outside of our apartments, then yeah, I’d say it is.” Peter tried not to stare too awkwardly at Thor’s eyes, but he knew Thor didn’t mind. They were mesmerizing, like always.

“Well, I thought that maybe a good idea for this date might be to talk a little bit more about ourselves. Specifically in the context of… dating.” Peter loved it when Thor got nervous. He shouldn’t take pleasure in that, he of all people knows, but it humanizes Thor a little bit and makes Peter feel more confident. However, he is probably equally nervous as Thor about that topic. This could be a make-or-break conversation.

 _Silly_ , he thinks to himself. He shouldn’t doubt so much. He and Thor have worked great so far. What is to say that they’ll not work out? Nothing yet. It wasn’t worth stressing about yet.

“Sure, that sounds good to me. We probably should talk about that kind of stuff sooner rather than later,” Peter smiled.

“Why don’t we just, take turns asking questions?” Thor offered.

“Okay, would you like me to start?” Peter responded, resting his free hand on Thor’s knee.

Thor breathed a sigh of relief. “I’d like that very much.”

“Okay, well, Thor, how do you define dating? What terminology do you like for all the various stages and all that? I mean, do you still say ‘like-like’? Is ‘dating’ going on dates or does it mean ‘in a relationship’ and all that.”

Thor hummed thoughtfully and smiled, looking calmer as the seconds ticked by. Peter was fascinated by the totally normal process of being nervous and it fades naturally. Finally, Thor was ready to answer.

“I think I would formally define dating as going on dates, and typically not the same as being in a committed relationship. But, if I was in a committed relationship, I would probably use the term casually in conversation rather than saying “the person I’m in a relationship with” all the time and that sort of thing. I don’t _say_ ‘like-like’ aloud but I would be lying if it wasn’t a thought in my head a lot of times. If I had to formally define things, I’d say that there are stages like infatuation, crushing, dating, and maybe then deciding to be in a committed relationship? I don’t like to use the term “more than friends” because, while I do…” he hesitated and blushed even deeper, “ _like-like_ you, I wouldn’t say that I like you more than any of my friends. Just differently. In a more, well, uh… romantic way.” Thor was avoiding eye contact, clearly embarrassed by his confession. Peter decided to be silly, setting down his drink and twisting his torso to put his head above Thor’s lap, looking up at Thor where his gaze was cast down. Thor laughed, and Peter straightened up, glad that Thor was looking at him again.

“I think we agree on almost everything, there. I definitely say ‘like-like,’ though,” Peter quipped.

“You do not, you’re just trying to make me feel better,” Thor accused.

“I do! Really, I like-like you too.” Thor smiled with narrowed eyes. Peter sighed, and asked, “Well, is it working?”

Thor laughed. “I do feel slightly better, knowing that you like-like me too.” He smiled for a moment and continued. “Alright, my turn. Do you prefer top or bottom?”

Peter _choked_ , thoroughly not expecting that from Thor in the slightest. Thor laughed at him, thumped him on the back gently, and tried to wave it off. “I’m joking, Peter.”

Once he caught his breath, he responded, “Well… do you want to know?” Peter wasn’t uncomfortable discussing the topic. It hadn’t come up yet in conversation, but they had done some more things since that first time, though it hadn’t gotten quite as heated ever since. They hadn’t gone all the way, which was kind of endearing, but they had definitely exchanged multiple hand- and blowjobs since then.

Thor blushed again and stuttered out, “Well, uh, I- only if y-you, well I mean, only if you want to tell me now.” He looked around as if checking for eavesdroppers, but everyone was immersed in their own world and they were alone in the corner. The bar wasn’t crowded, and the music was a perfect volume to cover their conversation without being obnoxious.

“Of course. I think it’s important to communicate about this stuff,” Peter said with a wink, feeling kind of cocky. Thor gulped, and Peter did an internal fist-pump. “I personally enjoy both. I’d say if I absolutely had to pick one, like had to give the other up forever, I might say bottoming is my preference, but it’s a small margin.” Thor looked pretty comfortable, so Peter kept going. “I do prefer sucking dick to rimming, though. It’s not that I’d never do it, but I’m much better at sucking dick and I find it more rewarding for myself. I kind of take pride in my blow-job skills,” he said with a smirk. Thor had turned the same color as his drink, which was almost gone now. They weren’t even close to drunk, though. Peter tried to be more sensitive now.

“If this is too much, we can postpone this part till later. Because, well, I’d like to know your answer to that as well,” Peter confessed.

“Uh, well, I think we can continue, just give me a moment. And I need another drink.” Thor chuckled nervously. And shifted uncomfortably. _Oh._ Peter smiled and stood up.

“I’ll get us more drinks. What do you want?”

“Surprise me,” Thor said, his smile finally reaching his eyes. Peter felt a little bad as he walked away, not liking making Thor _this_ uncomfortable, but hey, it’s an important topic for allosexuals to discuss. Peter wouldn’t dismiss the possibility of dating someone if they weren’t entirely sexually compatible, but it does have a certain degree of importance for him. And he thinks that Thor feels the same, though he won’t assume anything.

At the bar, he gets them both a plain tequila shot, since all the fun shots are upstairs, and the same grapefruit drink he had earlier. It was really good, and he wanted another and hoped Thor would enjoy it, too.

When he returned, Thor immediately jumped up as soon as he saw Peter with his hands full. They set everything down, and Thor laughed at the shot glasses.

“Here we go. Exactly what I need,” he jokes. Peter holds up his own, they clink and down the shot, each sucking on the little lime that came with it. Thor then tastes the grapefruit thing and marvels at how good it is.

“This has, what is that, mint? And it’s not watered down by the soda. This is delicious.”

Peter smiles at his antics. “It’s what I had when I first came in, I felt like another. I’m glad you like it.”

“Yes, well thank you, Peter. Okay. My answer.” Thor breathes.

“Take your time, Thor,” he says reassuringly.

“I think I mostly like topping, and it is a small margin though not as small as your margin between the two. I think I have a definite preference, but I enjoy them both. But, uh, the truth is, I’ve only ever bottomed with… toys. And I loved it, for sure, but I just haven’t really done it with anyone else because people always assume, I like to top because of the-”

“Size,” Peter smiles and saves Thor, who was beginning to speed up his speech and ramble.

“Exactly. So, I think I enjoy both, I think I prefer to top overall but not dramatically so. And, well, I kind of have the opposite perception as you in regard to oral sex. I’m quite good at rimming. And, um, well, remember that first night?”

“Yeah,” Peter smiles at the memory.

“I like… to be taken care of, I guess. I wouldn’t say dominated, I don’t have the experience to really verify that, but I enjoyed you taking the lead some. I enjoy doing the same sometimes, but its nice to switch up the roles, because people tend to assume…”

“I know what you mean. Guys normally assume I’m a submissive twink, and girls usually assume that I’ll be the lead once they see that I’m muscle-y. People in between are usually better at not believing stereotypes or gender roles, at least.”

“Yeah. So, most of my experience has been with me in the lead and I’ve always topped.”

“Thor, if you don’t mind me asking, are you only into guys?”

Thor was quiet, but not nervous or uncomfortable. “I think, in theory, that I’m also into girls. I just haven’t been with a girl before. I’ve come close a few times, had some crushes that might have been reciprocated, but haven’t ever had anything serious since high school. I went to prom with a girl named Jane, and we, well, we almost got to undressing and then she had the revelation that she actually preferred girls to boys, and we parted as friends before I could really form an opinion myself. Porn with girls doesn’t seem very realistic to go off of, but I definitely have had some solo experiences with girls in mind.”

“Would you ever date a non-binary person?”

“After this, I definitely get a few extra questions,” Thor said with a smile before answering. “I would never give a definite ‘no’ to that possibility, but I also haven’t historically found myself attracted to many people who express themselves androgynously. I don’t know if that makes me shallow or not, but in all honesty, feminine-expressing and masculine-expressing tend to, well, ‘get me going’ a little more effectively. Does that make me shallow? Or some type of -phobic?” Thor asked. “And that doesn’t count for one of my questions!” He added. “I just want to know your take on it.”

Peter considered for a moment. “Maybe that’s kind of like the difference between bisexual and pansexual? Because I personally find androgyny to be, well, like you said, it ‘gets me going’ as much as feminine- and masculine-expressing. And I think as long as you don’t say or think things like ‘so-and-so isn’t a real dude because they have a vagina’ then you’re not being transphobic. But you can’t really help who turns you on, you know?”

Thor is quick to respond, “Yeah! And I’m not trying to say I’m attracted only to cis people, not at all, but it just doesn’t turn me on when the expression is androgynous. I still love and support androgynous and non-binary people, though. And I would never want to accidentally assign identity to expression, like I’m afraid that if I met someone who identified like Loki and I ended up liking them or attracted to them, that I would maybe assign them more masculinity in my head if they looked or dressed a certain way, and I wouldn’t ever want to do that to someone.” Peter remembers that slip-up from the day of the prank, where Thor almost said ‘brother’. Maybe this runs deeper than attraction. Peter aches with empathy for Thor’s anxiousness, because he has similar fears of assigning identity or misgendering people. Thor continues, “I don’t know whether this makes me insensitive or -phobic or shallow, and I just-” Peter interjects before he can get more worked up.

“Thor! It just means you’re learning. We’re all learning how best to interact with people. The point is, you can’t really control what turns you on, and as long as you aren’t treating people differently, then it’s okay to like who you like. And it’s good that you would want to be cautious about that sort of thing, not assigning identity to someone. I get nervous about misgendering people all the time, and I _am_ turned on by androgyny, so it’s not exclusive to any group of people to get nervous.”

“You really think all that?”

“Of course! As cis people, all we can really do is check our privilege and use it. And you do that a lot, babe. I’ve seen you take down multiple people for misgendering Loki or even people you aren’t friends with. Just because you aren’t attracted to androgyny doesn’t mean you’re a bad ally.”

Thor breathed a little easier. “This conversation really took a turn, didn’t it?”

“I can’t help but feel slightly responsible,” Peter admitted. He was the one to ask whether Thor was into guys.

“Don’t feel bad, I’m glad to have talked about this with you. It’s something I’ve stressed over before, especially after learning from Tony and Wade about pansexuality, as opposed to bisexuality, and in the years since Loki came out. I just- Peter, thank you for listening. And reassuring me.”

“I’m happy to. I’ll reassure you any time.” Peter smiles, and Thor leans in and kisses him gently on the lips. They’ve made out before, but they aren’t big yet on PDA so it’s a pleasant surprise.

“Okay,” Thor says, when they break apart, “Back to lighter topics. Big spoon or little spoon?”

“Both, maybe big spoon slightly more. I also enjoy back to back with hooked ankles, and head in lap if someone’s sitting up,” Peter answers easily, the light-hearted air returning to their corner.

“Interesting, interesting. Next question, how do you feel about time management and time spent together in a committed relationship?”

“That’s pretty open-ended,” he notes, and Thor just waves it off.

“Take it however you will,” he says.

“Well, I guess that you should definitely have quality time alone together in appropriate amounts, but that can vary for each couple or group. I don’t think you should give up time with friends or blow off other people to spend time with a significant other,” Thor nods enthusiastically at that, “and, myself being very introverted, time alone is important, too. But a relationship where you never spend time together isn’t going to work at all, so it’s all about balance. I think, something that’s underappreciated is passive time spent together. So, doing homework or going to the gym together or something. It can’t replace talking and communicating, but it can be just as important to spend time together that isn’t some intentional activity, you know?”

“Yeah. I agree,” Thor says.

“Do you have more questions?”

“Oh yes, but it’s your turn,” Thor grins.         

“Alright then, uh…” Peter thinks for a moment. “What would you consider too much too soon when entering a relationship?”

Thor considers this carefully. He doesn’t speak for a few moments, and Peter starts to get a little nervous. His nerves dissipate when Thor smiles, though.

“I think, for me personally, it’s hard to scare me off just with the _topic_. It’s more like, how in depth and real someone might consider the topic to be at what point in time. So like, if you said, ‘I want to get married on the beach,’ I would take that to be a general statement, and it wouldn’t be too much, whereas if you said, ‘our wedding will be on the beach’ and you said it before we knew each other well, that would be concerning. But, then again, some stuff might be important to know before hand, you know? Like, what if a couple or group got all the way to engaged but never knew that they disagreed on whether they wanted kids because they felt like talking about it would have been too much too soon?” Thor considered.

“Hm. That’s a good point. What about the _L-word?_ ” Peter said, wiggling his fingers like a ghost and laughing quietly.

“I say I love you to my friends, so it seems weird to not say it to someone who I’m romantically involved with,” Thor confesses. “I kind of feel like I should be saying it to you. But I don’t want to scare you off,” he blushed and looked down. Peter considered this.

“I think you distinguish between love and in-love, though. Because, to be honest, I kind of feel the same but it’s not quite, weird? Or maybe it’s not romantic in that way. I love Ned and MJ, and Shuri, but I’m not in love with them. And with you… it’s like, I know that potentially, some time in the future I could be in love with you, but right now, I wouldn’t say that. But I do love you. I care for you like I care for my friends, and May. Is that weird?” Peter almost doesn’t realize the gravity of what he has said. It feels like it should feel weirder. He said ‘I love you’ and now it was the moment of truth. It wasn’t even romantic love! He shouldn’t be so nervous, but what if Thor thought it was awkward? Or obsessive, or too much too soon.

“I… love you too, Peter. I feel the same. Not in-love, but I do love you. And I think maybe saying it to each other frequently would edge into too-much-too-soon territory, but acknowledging it is nice. If I can say ‘I love you’ to Bruce, Tony, Steve, Nat, and that whole group, why shouldn’t I be able to say it to you? But I just… feel conflicted slightly.” Thor still wasn’t looking at him. Peter scrambled for an idea.

“Let’s just, have like, a signal. Something, until we are comfortable saying it out loud, we know that we’re acknowledging that we love each other in that caring-way, not the romantic kind.” Peter immediately feels his anxiety bubble and he curses his brain for not cooperating. Normally he does so well around Thor. “Maybe that’s dumb, though, I just thought-”

“It’s brilliant!” Thor interjects. Peter is shocked but tries to control his expression.

“You think?”

“Yes! Something friendly. Something I would do with any of the normal group, just for us to remind each other, hey, we love each other but not in a weird way this early in our-” Thor hesitates, shifting slightly, and backtracks, “-this soon upon knowing each other.” _He was going to say, ‘our relationship,’_ Peter thinks. The thought makes him slightly giddy. He tries to come up with an idea.

“Okay, well, what if…” he’s drawing a blank.

“I’ve got it. A high-five. Low-key, just little high-fives if we ever want that reminder.”

“That’s… a great idea!” Peter loved it. It may not be conventional, but who was he if not unconventional.

“Awesome,” Thor responds, and holds up his hand. Peter slaps it with his, and they both smile. Thor keeps a hold of his hand though, and brings them down to the space between their thighs. They hold hands from there, and continue asking each other questions, like how messy or clean they like their rooms, and whether they sing in the car and the shower. Unfortunately for them, some drunk asshole decides to come into their corner after their fourth round of drinks. Peter’s not drunk, but his inhibitions are down and when the dude starts ranting about _f****ts in public like they own the place,_ he decides that it’s totally appropriate to sock this guy in the face.

And that’s where everything went to shit.


	12. A Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to a head. We finally see the more problematic parts of Peter/Thor and get a glimpse of how they'll move forward. Peter gets to examine his relationships with his friends and how he's been acting for the last couple months. I don't really have a concrete timeline, so lets just say that Thor and Peter met very soon after Halloween. That gives them about two months of being together-but-not in their very intense way, and then two weeks since the events of last chapter (which are continued in the beginning of this one). Shuri and Peter have a best friend moment, and Peter and Wade bond a little bit. Who knows where that will go? I sure don't. Hope you enjoy! There is some reference to Skip, and past bullying that Ned and Peter have faced regarding sexuality or appearances, and one or two censored slurs. Nothing is very explicit, but just be careful :) Also there's a name drop for some other Marvel characters that I quite enjoy! (not francis) Let me know what you think.
> 
> ****EDIT: I wrote Nathan instead of Francis in one paragraph. It has been fixed! I like Cable, but I already have really high ambitions with the amount of characters I want to squeeze into this eventually, so he won't make an appearance.

Peter kind of whites out for the next few minutes. The first and only thought he registers is panic, because _holy shit he just punched a dude_ and after that, everything he sees, hears, and feels becomes a blur. He’s moving, for sure, but he doesn’t know how or why and all he can feel is fear. He doesn’t register bludgeoning the guys face, or pushing one of the other dudes down who’s egging on his buddy. He doesn’t notice the blood on his knuckles from busting the first guy’s lip. Everything just goes white.

When his vision and hearing come back to him, he registers Thor.

“…Peter, it’s okay, can you hear me? Look, up here, look at me, there you go. Everything working fine? You can hear me, see my face? Nod for me, babe, that’s it. God,” Thor exhales. At first Peter’s field of vision doesn’t extend past Thor’s face, but then Thor moves to sit behind him and just holds Peter. The touch helps ground him to the moment. Slowly his vision returns, and he starts to pay attention to the other voices around him.

“-that guy deserved to be hit, sir, he was groping a ton of girls upstairs. Don’t get mad at this guy.”

“Yeah, he was a total sleaze, I get that bar fights are bad, but this guy was clearly in the right.”

“He called them… the f-word but not fuck, the other f-word, I heard him. This guy was clearly defending himself, they were harassing him and his boyfriend.”

It seemed that a significant portion of girls had already noticed the guy and his problematic behavior, and were actually on their way down to notify security when they heard the fight break out. They had Peter’s back. Security seemed to agree, they just asked Thor some questions and left with the confirmation that Peter had been defending himself against harassment. Peter was too exhausted to fully appreciate just how lucky he was for that to be the consensus, but he knew he had dodged a bullet. What had gotten into him? Sure, before the anxiety he had been pretty outspoken, he didn’t put up with bullies and got into a few scuffles as a kid; May had called him her _little vigilante_. But nowadays, he needed meds to function daily, he embarrassed himself in front of strangers constantly, he could barely stand up for himself to a friend like Steve at the gym, let alone some homophobic stranger, but he had just punched a guy in the face! And apparently, he went to town. The guy got obliterated. Peter doesn’t remember, but he did a lot of damage. The cops came and picked the guy up but from the tidbits of quieter conversation he catches, the man had come off horribly in their fight, and had been arrested before for other instances of harassment and bar fights, loitering and public intoxication. Despite all that, Peter didn’t really feel proud of himself. He just felt sick. And clammy, and shaky. And scared, and embarrassed, and-

He could feel Thor’s lips pressing into his hair. And Thor’s arms around his waist. And Thor’s legs under his own, and Thor’s chest pressed to his back. And Thor’s hands, thumbs slowly caressing his hip bones, comforting and peaceful.

“Peter, I think you have had a panic attack and may still be experiencing it. You’re okay, you’re safe, it will pass. Just hang in there. You’re safe, you’re okay, I’m here.” Peter heard him but it barely registered. He was hyperventilating. He knew somewhere in his logical mind that he needed to stop, or he would pass out, but currently all he could mentally process was the feeling of falling off the edge of the bed or missing a step on the stairs unexpectedly, but the feeling was unending, and he never had a chance to settle. He felt like he was dying, dropping endlessly, like his heart was going to explode from the pressure of its rapid beating, he was a hummingbird with a buzz for a heartbeat and it was going to kill him-

But he can feel Thor. Peter manages to drag up a technique from therapy and latches onto it. The knowledge that Thor is there, he physically exists, is what Peter holds on to. He feels like he is falling, and Thor is being dragged with him, but that can’t be real. He isn’t actually falling, because Thor isn’t falling, and he can feel Thor. His heartbeat and his lungs may say that he is, but Thor says he isn’t. It takes a while, but the panic fades. Every minute or so he registers more of what’s actually going on. When he becomes more in tune with his surroundings, he continues the therapy technique. He can feel Thor. He can see the fabric of Thor’s shirt where his face is buried. He can smell the cologne that Thor wears, and the alcohol that they’ve both been drinking. He can taste tequila faintly in his mouth. He can hear Thor’s low voice, soothing and repetitive. He extends further and hears the conversations around him. The police are gone, some people want to know if he is okay. God, how embarrassing. He looks like a fucking baby, panicking on Thor’s lap, literally being held like a child. Fuck, could this get any worse? _No, don’t think that Peter,_ he berates himself. Too often, thinking that will indeed make things worse.

Suddenly they’re moving, and he is on his feet. Still coming back to his senses and beginning to register things around him, Thor takes his hand and leads him outside. The cold air does wonders and after a few gulps, Peter almost feels like himself again. The embarrassment is certainly familiar. God, it makes him want to fucking cry even though that would just be something else to be embarrassed about. Why did he have to punch that guy? _F****t_ is a tough word for him, he knows that some people can just brush it off but for him, it just holds a lot of trauma and bad feelings, but he should have just let it go, gone to another part of the bar or left altogether, not _punch the asshat_ , Christ, now all those people in there think he is insane-

“Peter, you’re spiraling again. Come back to me, please.”

“Where are we?” is the first thing Peter says, registering that they are walking and are nowhere near the bar.

“We’re heading home. I thought you might like to be out of there.”

“I’m-”

“Don’t say it, Peter,” Thor warns. His tone is a little shocking. Is he _mad_ at Peter? Why the fuck does he sound so harsh? And he isn’t even looking at Peter. He’s probably disgusted, revolted that he had to care for Peter like a little baby, and- _no, no, no!_ Thor isn’t like that. Peter reminds himself of all the good things Thor thinks of him and tries to focus on those. He still feels embarrassed, and fucking baffled as to what Thor could be mad about, but it probably isn’t him. He hopes. Maybe?

“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably off-base,” Thor says quietly, still hard but not quite so hostile.

“I’m actually reassuring myself that you still like me, so thanks for that, I guess,” Peter snarks. He hasn’t felt this irritated with Thor, well, ever. Since they’ve met, he hasn’t felt any truly negative feelings, but Thor’s being kind of an asshole right now.

“Fuck.” Thor stops walking, Peter stopping too because their hands are still linked. Thor’s other hand pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment before running through his hair once. “I’m sorry, Peter. I’m not mad at you, or judging you. I’m just pissed off and doing a shit-job of handling it. I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. And I’m sorry for suggesting that your thoughts were incorrect. I would never think less of you for a panic attack, you know that. I spoke rashly and I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgiven. It still kinda sucks though.” Peter is quiet but honest, something he is working really hard to be more often.

“I know. I have no excuse. Let’s start this over, okay?”

“I don’t really want to start all that over,” Peter mutters, still a little upset.

“You know what I mean,” Thor’s voice is finally completely back to its normal, gentle tone. Peter deflates, and all the exhaustion he felt earlier has been multiplied tenfold.

“I’m sorry, too. I’m just being an ass,” he admits.

“We both can do better. Listen, Peter, that whole thing in there… those people, who cares what they think? Either they won’t judge you for something you have no control over, because they’re decent fucking people, or they will, and if they do? Fuck them. You’re astounding. You don’t need their approval or their understanding for anything.”

“It’s not that simple, Thor,” Peter says, reminded once again of the bad memories and the dreadful falling sensation from the panic attack. It would be nice to say fuck it all and not care what people think, and in theory, yeah, sure, he doesn’t care what they think. But that doesn’t stop the sensations and the perceptions that generate the panic response, or his usual anxiety. It’s not as easy as deciding not to care. If it was, why would he still be dealing with this?

“Shit, I know, I wouldn’t suggest that it is, I’m checking my privilege... But Peter, this will eat at you, I know it. I just want to encourage you to… leave it behind. Forget it, not think about it. Because it doesn’t matter. What matters is, we had a great time, great drinks, and really important conversations tonight. I don’t want you to worry excessively about this, because then it overshadows the good from tonight.”

“I shouldn’t have punched that guy.”

“Punched is a bit of an understatement,” Thor remarks, though at the glare from Peter he looks appropriately abashed. “I mean, you’re probably right. We could have just left. But Peter, it looked like… well, it looked like it was more than just some _defending-my-honor_ bullshit. If that interaction triggered you, then I wouldn’t begin to hold it against you that you reacted intensely. Not to mention, we’re both drunk! It may feel like we’ve sobered up, but we’ve had enough drinks in the last hour or so that we definitely shouldn’t be driving, at least. I’m not excusing you, I just want to show you that I’m not being critical of your actions, so maybe try not to be too critical, yourself.”

“I don’t think my medication is working anymore.” Peter shocks himself with the confession. It had seemed to be working a while ago, and he still felt more normal on a daily basis, but when he did panic or spiral, it seems like the results are getting worse. The past two months or so with Thor have felt like a whirlwind. Everything with Thor is so intense; even though this was their ‘second’ date, it almost feels like they’re already in a relationship. They’ve built up this intimate way of relating to each other, in addition to a fairly sexually active relationship, even if they haven’t ‘gone all the way’ or put labels on it or decided it was a relationship yet.

“You should talk to your doctor then,” Thor responds. “Tell him about the panic attacks. You’ve been remarkably more comfortable most of the time since I’ve met you, from what I can see, but you do tend to spiral a little more intensely.” So Thor had noticed, too.

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re taking care of me. Not in that way,” Peter whispered. The tears he had been holding at bay seemed to be threatening to spill over. Thor slowly reached for him, telegraphing the hug so he could step back if he wanted. He didn’t want to, though.

He let Thor hold him, on a dark corner, for just a few moments. Then they turned and walked back to the apartment in silence, Thor occasionally dropping a kiss on top of his head. Peter doesn’t question it when they go back to Thor’s place, and he doesn’t protest being undressed to his boxers and tucked in next to Thor. Thor pulls him close, knowing that tonight is a little spoon kind of night.

“I’m not your counselor, or your therapist, psychiatrist, whatever that is, Peter. But I promise, I will take care of you. Not because I have to. But because I like to. You still should depend on that person, but you can also depend a little on me, you know that?”

“I… I know,” Peter says, stifling a yawn. Falling asleep is all to easy, but he doesn’t miss how Thor positions his hand open and palm up, lightly tapping it with his own, before he closes his eyes.

~

Matt levels him with a steely gaze that shouldn’t be possible for a blind man, Peter thinks.

“It sounds like the improvement you mentioned before maybe wasn’t as all-around as you thought. Why do you think that is?” Damn therapists and their questions. Peter just wanted to be told what to do to fix himself. This was a lot more work than that.

“I don’t know, honestly. I’ve really felt much better a lot of the time. It’s just that the panic attacks are a little more frequent and intense. I’ve had more close calls, too,” Peter says, resigned.

Matt continues to unnervingly gaze at him, waiting for more words that Peter won’t say. He finally sighs and gets up.

“Well, if that’s all you have to say today then I’ll put in the rec for a new med. You can pick up the prescription from Dr. Nelson on the way out.” Wait, what?

“That’s it? I’ve been here ten minutes,” Peter exclaims.

“Well, do you have more to say? You’ve repeated that line to me five times in response to five different questions. It seems like you don’t want to talk about it, and if you don’t, then I wouldn’t want to make you feel obligated to stay.”

“I- just, ugh,” Peter slumps. “I don’t know what to think. Or do.”

“Well, let’s start with the logistics. The med change will go through. I’ve recommended a new one to help with the panic attacks when they come and a higher dose of the SSRI for your general anxiety that should hopefully help prevent some of the panic symptoms, too.”

“Okay, that all sounds good.”

“Of course it does. But medication alone isn’t gonna be helpful, Parker. So why don’t you tell me, what else has changed? Besides your aunt’s cancer and exams being around the corner.” Matt nods in his direction, signaling him to begin.

“Well…” he begins. He thinks of Thor, and his friends. He thinks of how, despite how comfortable he is with Ned, MJ, and Shuri, that they hardly improve his anxiety the same way that Thor does. He is more confident around strangers when Thor is at his side, whereas with Shuri, it’s the same as it has always been. That’s probably a good place to start.

“There’s this guy.”

~

Exams are a bitch, but Peter feels good about his. Studying is something he knows how to do. Social interaction? Anxiety central, but studying? Maybe just an adjacent suburb.

Nonetheless, it feels amazing to walk out of his last exam confident that he did well. He leaves tomorrow afternoon to go home, and tonight is just relaxation. He and Shuri have a big talk planned, and they even decided on a Christmas breakfast tomorrow since they won’t be together for the next three weeks. Shuri doesn’t celebrate Christmas religiously but she does love the idea of Santa. She thinks it’s hilarious how people seem to be okay with a weird, omniscient stranger leaving packages in the middle of the night. Anyway, they do a small gift exchange like they would for birthdays. She and him have a bit to work out, but he had been planning her gift for weeks. Thor had even helped him with it.

His phone beeps and he pulls it out to see a text from Thor.

_12:32 p.m._

_Hope your last exam went well. i just got home. Loki says hi, they miss you!_

He taps out a quick reply, smiling contentedly.

_12:33 p.m._

_Glad youre home safe! I miss loki too, cant wait to visit!_

He and Thor took a small break of sorts, after the bar incident and his therapy session. You can’t really take a break from what’s not official, or so Peter thought, but they are making it work. For the remaining two weeks of school, they only hung out together in the presence of their friends, and they toned down the flirting. They studied in groups together sometimes, but generally put a hold on the romantic tone of their relationship. And the sexual aspect of it. Peter was nervous about it all, but Thor has been the best throughout the whole ordeal.

He understood entirely when Peter said he wanted to slow things down, and that Peter now believed he wasn’t improving as much as he thought he was before. Though he didn’t know for certain, it was a possibility that he had gotten a little too dependent on Thor for his confidence. Thor was novel and shiny, and the short-term confidence he brought wasn’t sustainable. So, Peter decided, with some guidance from Matt, that maybe he should work on getting better with Thor as a friend before he entered into anything more with him. Their self-imposed break ended at New Years, and after spending the holiday with May, he would travel to see Thor and Loki for a few days. During the last week of break, he would be going with Ned’s family and MJ to the beach. It was going to be a busy break, but he has downtime between now and New Years and in that time, he and Thor are just going to be cordial, friendly, and as normal as they can be.

He had visited May the weekend before exams, choosing to do a lot of his final studying at home. Explaining all this to May was tough, especially trying to do it in a way that wouldn’t cause her stress. That almost got him yelled at again, though, so he eventually just collapsed onto her lap and spilled everything. She held him, reassured him that his plan was good, and that Dr. Murdock knew what he was talking about and that she was here for him. She graciously didn’t say anything like ‘I told you so’ even though Peter knew she definitely had the grounds to. Overall, while intense and filled with studying, the visit was a good one, if a little close to break.

His friends had all taken it in stride. Shuri, Ned, and MJ had the most details, and Bucky kept the others in line. Bucky, while he knew the general picture, just had remarkable observation skills and was tactful without really having to try. Peter had felt for a little while like he was simply putting off some inevitable discussion with most of them, but he didn’t really know what. He’s known he had been neglecting them a bit, and even after he and Thor began their break, he still wasn’t as connected as he normally was. Talking with Shuri this morning had really opened his eyes, and he realized he had been a bigger jerk than he knew. But he knew that connection would come back. Wade, of all people, had shockingly come to Peter’s apartment earlier that morning, a few hours before his last exam, and hugged him right when he opened the door, lifting him off his feet.

Shocked and spluttering, Peter had squirmed to be put down and took a few gulps of air. Wade still stood in the doorway, now looking sheepish.

“Ah, sorry. I should’ve asked first.”

“Yeah, would’a been nice,” Peter responds, though not unkindly.

“My bad. Can I come in?” Peter’s still shocked, but he lets Wade in and turns to him expectantly after closing the door.

“In the future, I’ll ask or telegraph before I hug you. Please forgive me for that,” Wade starts.

“Of course, Wade,” Peter says awkwardly. He and Wade aren’t really the best of friends yet, though Peter thinks they will get along.

“I just wanted to say that I know what it’s like to feel messed up in the head, and to go on a weird rollercoaster of confidence. It’s basically my day-to-day.” Peter nods, and smiles. Wade continues, “I had this boyfriend, Francis. Stupid name, I know. He made me feel so good about myself, until one day, he didn’t. That’s a big fucking story, and I would _never_ expect Thor to do anything that Francis did because Thor is the best, sweetest man alive and Francis is the gonorrhea on Satan’s asshole, but my point is that sometimes people make us feel like we are doing better than we actually are, and it can be hard to separate real progress in our mental health from the temporary confidence that comes with a new relationship.” Peter was frankly shocked at how articulate it was, but he supposed he never had any reason not to think that Wade was articulate. Peter wonders at this point exactly how much Thor has told him. It wasn’t like any of it was a secret, Peter’s just surprised and a little nervous.

Wade seems to read his mind, or expression. “Thor didn’t blab too much to me either, I just put together the clues. The way he describes you from before and the things he talks about now just didn’t add up. Having had a similar experience, I kind of assumed. Am I wrong?”

“No, I guess you’re not. We’re taking a little break. Slowing things down.”

“That is _great_ , Petey-pie. I know you’ve got shit to work through, just like me. That’s good to take things like this slow.”

“Thanks, Wade,” Peter acknowledges, feeling better to know that he isn’t the only one who has experienced this. “It’s just… sucky. I miss him. And, well, I’m more anxious now. Or, back to my normal levels.”

“That fucking sucks, baby boy. I know it does. But it will get better, with time. And building things up with Thor slowly? It will all be greater for it. Because then you’ll have a chance to see whether the change is you or you-with-him.”

“You’re probably right. That’s what me and my therapist talked about,” Peter confesses.

“Therapists are smart. But they don’t always have the same perspective. I haven’t met a therapist who looks like me and knows that experience personally, and I certainly hope you haven’t. But those degrees aren’t for nothing.” Wade smiles at him, a genuinely nice smile that Peter notices isn’t shadowed by any goofiness or immaturity.

“I hope not,” Peter jokes with a smile. Now, Wade holds out his arms for a hug, letting Peter choose. He goes willingly, and again appreciates how big wade is, basically as big as Thor, perhaps a little less bulky but just as… tall? Firm? Either way, it’s comforting in the same way it is to hug Thor.

“And listen, Petey, if you ever need to talk, I have a whole tragic backstory and neatly catalogued library of trauma that I can use to relate to just about anything, or I can just sit and listen. I tend to talk a lot. But like, if you have your own version of my Francis and ever want to vent or smash plates about him, or fantasize ways to _un-alive_ somebody, I can also listen. I’m your guy.”

“I… well, I do have…” Peter considers whether he should open up to Wade. Wade has been trustworthy so far and honestly, Peter just has a really good feeling about the guy. “I do have someone like Francis, to some extent. His name was-” Peter pauses. He doesn’t really feel like getting into it, but he wants to open up a little.

“You don’t have to tell me now, baby boy.”

“I’m fine saying it, I just can’t talk about it more right now. His name was Skip.”

“Sounds like an asshole,” Wade quips.

“Oh, Grade-A, top of the line,” Peter returns, feeling only a little weird about making a joke of it, but it feels slightly better than the idea of not joking about it.

“Well, I’m sure we will have time to bond over trauma in the future. For now, just know that if you ever need me, I’m here for you. Here’s my number,” he says, handing over a sheet of paper. Peter pockets it with a smile.

“Thanks, Wade. You’re a pretty great guy.”

“Why thank you, baby boy! Well, Petey, I’m on my way out, but I’m so glad we had this chat and just know that, if at any point during your break, if you want a little action on the side, HMU.”

“Choosing to ignore most of that sentence… did you just say ‘H-M-U’ out loud?” Peter is not as baffled as he thinks he should be. He’s just already accepted that this is part of Wade’s ‘charm’. He doesn’t think Wade would actually do anything to hurt Thor like that.

“OFC, it’s hashtag in style to speak with obnoxious texting acronyms. ILYSM, TTYL, G2G!” Wade recites, dropping a well-telegraphed kiss onto Peter’s forehead and letting himself out.

Shuri comes out of her room in time to see his leaving exchange.

“Wow, he is one weird dude,” she remarks, giving Peter her own kiss on his cheek and heading to the kitchen.

“I kinda like him,” Peter says. “I think we will be good friends.”

He follows her into the kitchen and starts looking for a snack.

“Peter… I didn’t want to just dump this on you, but I think you’re doing the right thing. You and Thor were, intense? Not in a weird annoying way, but in a way, like, we were worried. You seemed to be so much less anxious but then it all came back whenever he wasn’t around. I’m just glad that you’re focusing on you for a bit.” Shuri looks unsure, an image which he rarely sees.

“Me too. Thanks Shuri,” he smiles at her and returns to getting materials for his sandwich, feeling kind of unsure himself but not having anything else to really say in return. Shuri is tense though, like she isn’t finished. He puts down the turkey and bread and turns toward her, giving her his full attention. “What’s up? You seem tense. Did I do something?”

“No, you didn’t, I just… you know that I’m here for you, right? And Ned and MJ. I know they’ve been your friends longest, Ned especially, and we all felt similarly… we actually talked about it a few times.”

Peter didn’t know how he felt about that, because it sounded like they all three had a problem with him. “What exactly did you talk about?”

“About, well, how you kind of stopped… needing us? Not really. It’s just that whenever Thor was around, he kind of overshadowed us, not in the way of attention, but in where you looked for comfort. MJ said that when you guys went out with Thor and Tony, that you would talk to strangers when Thor was with you, but while Tony and Thor played some game and you and MJ sat together, you were back to nervous when some people came and sat with you or something.”

“Oh, I remember that,” Peter acknowledges, thinking back to that night. He hadn’t been super drunk, so the memory is all there, but it was a while ago.

“It was pretty soon after you and Thor had your first date and I just remember talking to MJ and feeling, well, empathetic. She felt like she wasn’t enough, Peter. Like, Thor could let you be you, but she was inadequate.” Shuri looks apologetic but determined, and Peter finally registers the hurt in her eyes. The _I felt inadequate_ that followed wasn’t necessary to say aloud, Peter understood.

“Shuri, I… god. You seem really hurt. Did you think I didn’t need you?”

“Yeah.” Her eyes are getting slightly watery. “Yeah. Or like, we couldn’t help you like he could, for some reason. And it hurt, because we’re supposed to be your best friends. Ned said you guys haven’t had a video game night or done legos in the last month.” Peter thinks back, and yeah. Normally when he feels particularly stressed or if he has a very anxious day, video games or legos with Ned is how he winds down. They’ve been doing it forever, whenever one of them needs it. In middle school when he dealt with Skip, Ned was there for him. When Uncle Ben passed in freshman year of high school, they did four separate lego projects from scratch before even speaking to each other, and Ned held onto Peter for hours after that. When rumors spread about Betty only going with Ned to prom because she felt bad that he couldn’t get another date, they played video games for hours, intermittently talking about it with Peter reassuring Ned. When Flash’s bullying built up, whether he was calling Peter the _f-_ word or a slut, or making fat jokes about Ned, they spent time together and took their minds off of it. When Peter started crushing on Harry, and when they broke up, ice-cream and Mariokart saved the day. When Ned got ridiculously nervous about asking MJ out, they built the most extensive lego set they had done so far, the Death Star. And then MJ had asked _him_ out. They built more legos with all the excitement that came.

Peter had barely even _mentioned_ Thor to Ned. And after he and Thor started hanging out, Peter basically forgot about Ned. He distinctly remembers feeling overwhelmed about a presentation and instead of going to Ned, he went to Thor. What a dick he has been to his friend.

“He’s right. I have been brushing you guys aside, and that’s not okay. Shuri, I’m so sorry. You are completely right to feel hurt by this,” Peter says, choking up a little. “But don’t ever- _ever_ , feel like I don’t want or need you. I need you guys, so much. More importantly, I want you and I want to come to you when I need help or confidence or just a moment to relax. Our binge nights, we haven’t really been talking much during them, have we?”

“No. I feel like I have no clue what’s going on in your head. Bucky even said that he thought you guys were on a path to be closer than you became, but that Thor seemed to take precedence there. And none of us is saying, don’t get a boyfriend or be close to Thor, just that, you kind of focused all your energy there for a bit. You hung out with us, sure, but it felt like you were just doing it to be nice, not because it’s something you need or want in our relationships. And Peter, I may not be anxious like you can be, but I need you too. I didn’t feel like I could come to you.” She wipes away a stray tear, still trying to stay composed. Peter considers for a moment what to do. What to say, and how. Looking at her, he realizes how he’s been ignoring things.

Everything has felt so nice with Thor, a comfort that he wasn’t used to and that felt so _new_ that he could only focus on it. It wasn’t that Shuri and MJ and Ned didn’t make him feel safe and secure, just that he was kind of used to them. He had enough experiences with and without them to reach a point of pattern and commonality. He still got nervous with strangers even when they were there, because he was used to them being there. There was also something to be said for the infatuation or the romantic aspect of his relationship with Thor. That was a different kind of reassurance, and he had prioritized it, valued it over his friendship with the three people who had been there for him the most. It was like Thor said… he didn’t love Thor more than his friends, but differently. And the novelty of that had let him slide by, not noticing that he was being a jackass. Looking back, he remembers Shuri being up before he woke up and awake after he went to sleep almost every night this week. He hasn’t even asked her about exams. God, what a mess he has made.

“You’re right. I hear you. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way,” he says, slowly walking up toward her. He reaches for her hand and takes it with a squeeze. “I’m here now. I want to do better, and I’ve got a plan to do it. What exams do you have left?”

“Just Neuro-tech, tonight” she said with a sniff.

“Okay, I have Organic later today. Let’s do this: study for the next few hours. We’ll take turns, I’ll help you, you help me. Then, when we come back tonight, I’m gonna catch up on the last two and a half months I’ve missed out on, okay? We’re gonna get under a blanket and huddle together on the couch with tea and hot chocolate and make up time. I know it won’t fix everything, but can you forgive me, Shuri?” Now he’s sniffing, holding back tears a little bit. The time for tears would come. Exams are not conducive to big emotional talks like this.

Shuri smiles, composing herself a little more. “You’re always forgiven, doofus. You should say what you said to me to Ned and MJ, though. And I like that plan. Let’s start with o-chem.”

They finish getting their food and set up shop in the living room. Before they begin, Shuri grabs Peter into a tight hug.

“I’ve missed you,” she says quietly, a little bit muffled against his neck. He squeezes her. The crying would come, later tonight. They’d get all their feelings out, frustrations and relief, stress and support. And then they’d laugh and talk about everything under the sun. They would fall asleep together on the couch long after midnight. Peter didn’t know all this yet, but he felt the confidence from it already.

“I’m sorry I’ve been gone,” he says. “I won’t leave again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will summarize break with May and then move on to spending time with Thor and Loki. I do intend to write some more smut with Peter and Thor, so that's a reasonable expectation for chapter 13 or 14 ;) 
> 
> I live for feedback and yall who do interact have been so positive! Thank you so much! please continue to interact and send me things :)


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys! not a real chapter :(

Hey yall! just checking in, I am Swamped with other work so I apologize for the long wait! I am taking care of myself and my other tasks for now, but hopefully soon I can get a chapter up! 

I just wanted to know if there were any reactions to chapter 12. did yall hate it and just not want to say anything? or maybe yall got busy too, which would make total sense. I just want to get a sense of how yall like where this is going so I know whether to keep my plan or tweak it! 

sorry again for the long wait! everyone do something nice for yourself in the meanwhile and hopefully we'll have a new chapter soon :) thanks for any feedback yall can provide!


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